It was an act that put a burr in the fur of most Catholics, and soured the pontiff on ever again watching "SNL." Now, Ingle writes, "O'Connor says she has sought the return of a £150,000 donation she gave to the dissident bishop who ordained her in order that doubt will not be cast on the validity of her priesthood. Speaking by telephone from an unknown location on the Continent, Ms. O'Connor said that she was also considering getting ordained again as 'a double protective measure.'" The whole brouhaha got started because a certain party pooper, Bishop Buckley, "had speculated that the donation could be viewed as simony -- the act of purchasing a sacrament." Yes, for God's sake let's not give Marilyn Manson any bright ideas.

Part of the £150,000 donation was going to pay for a hernia operation for Bishop Cox, who ordained Mother Bernadette (he'd developed the hernia lifting his massive collection of PEZ dispensers), but as he said last week, "Some people were getting the impression that Mother Bernadette bought her ordination and that is utterly wrong ... I would never prostitute my holy orders." As for O'Connor, she says she's enjoying "being alone with God" and she may take "a three-year vow of celibacy." And how's about throwing in a vow of silence while you're at it?

Now, is it just my imagination or is everything really getting better and better everywhere on earth every second of every day? Take Bhutan, for example, a virtually perfect, nearly pristine mountain kingdom nestled in the Himalayas. Cut off almost entirely from most of the world for centuries -- like James Hilton's mythical, utopian Shangri-La (for which it may have been the model) -- Bhutan has closely guarded its rich culture, and has only allowed tourism in recent years, limiting foreign visitors to a few thousand annually.

The country's wise and benevolent king has wisely and benevolently operated on the premise that the only way to make Bhutan better is to leave it as is. Until recently, when the powers that be -- the king's not entirely to blame -- wised up and decided that combining "Lost Horizons" and the Vast Wasteland might be just the ticket. Consequently, on June 2, reports Kuensel, Bhutan's newspaper, "coinciding with the silver jubilee of his Majesty the King's coronation," the Bhutan Broadcasting Corporation "will begin television broadcasting in the country." In other words, it's all over now, baby blue.

And in other joyous developments, last week Pamela Anderson, sporting new, more manageable mammaries, announced that there's once again room in her life for Tommy Lee. "It's been a long, hard year, full of lessons and insights,'' the two lovebirds squawked. "And we both learned a lot about what's really important.''

You mean what's really important, or what's really, really, really important?

In any case, I predict renewed vows in the future for this fun couple with -- you read it here first -- Mother Bernadette Mary O'Connor presiding, to be broadcast live on Bhutanese TV, followed by a Marilyn Manson concert, including a guest spot with Boy George singing "Stand By Your Man" (as he did over the closing credits of "The Crying Game"), Quentin Crisp subbing for the pope and commemorative Tommy & Pam-Pam PEZ dispensers for one and all. Don't miss it!
salon.com | May 1, 1999

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