To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People June 1, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/06/01/marky Family jewels Tales of the well-endowed Wahlbergs; Cher ain't gettin' any, babe; and Prince Philip bombs as stand-up. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Last week was a big one for Mark Wahlberg -- both of them. Fab-abbed actor Mark "Don't call me Marky Mark" Wahlberg is negotiating to play a heavy-metal lead singer in Warner Bros.' "Metal God," a role originally slated to be played by too-sexy-for-his-shirt Brad Pitt. According to Variety, the Judas Priest-inspired film follows the inspirational story of a workaday shlub who is plucked from obscurity to sing with a popular bar band. That sounds a little (OK, only a little) like what happened to the other Mark Wahlberg ... Ab-fab hairdresser Mark "Don't call me Marky Mark, either" Wahlberg, a workaday shlub who runs a salon in Haddington Place, Edinbugh, is trying to figure out what to do with the biggest tip he's ever received for a 15-pound haircut: a diamond worth 850 pounds. The 30-year-old snipper, whose name must have caused some confusion when he worked at a glitzy Los Angeles salon, was plucked (like a stray hair) from obscurity and tossed into the pages of the London Telegraph last week after a grateful client of his gave him the valuable quarter-carat jewel. "I actually tried to give it back when I realized what it was, but Ludwig [Konig, a 33-year-old goldsmith] just kept refusing to take it, saying it was a thank you for all the haircuts I'd given him and his wife," Wahlberg told the paper, adding that he's not sure what he'll do with the generous gift. "I don't really wear a lot of jewelry, as it interferes with my work," he said. "If there was a pair I could give them to my mum as a pair of earrings, but I am open to suggestions." Looks like both Mr. Wahlbergs are now endowed with impressively large family jewels. (I know, I know, that "Boogie Nights" schlong was as real as a rhinestone, but why get picky?) - - - - - - - - - - - - I know Ricky Martin, Al, and you're no Ricky Martin "It was a little bit Ricky Martin, a little bit Kool and the Gang. If snapshot photographs were votes, Al Gore would win the 2000 election, at least in South Texas." -- The Rio Grande Valley's Valley Morning Star on "a wind-blown Al Gore" livin' la vida loca at an empowerment zone fiesta last week at South Texas Community College - - - - - - - - - - - - Duking it out Being closely associated with former KKK leader turned Republican Party embarrassment David Duke may not be so good for one's political prospects, even in Louisiana -- a lesson that once-popular Louisiana Gov. Mike Foster appears to be learning the hard way. It seems that, while running for governor in 1995, Foster, who chagrined Republican officials by refusing to denounce Duke during the ex-Klansman's recent (mercifully unsuccessful) run for Congress, forked over $150,000 of his own pocket cash to Duke for a mailing list of more than 60,000 names of his supporters. The list, says Foster, was never used, but rumors that the money was a payment to keep Duke out of the gubernatorial race are fluttering faster than a white robe at a cross burning, and federal investigators are on the trail. The gov, who is being challenged for reelection by Democratic Rep. William Jefferson, the state's only African-American congressman, says that the list purchase was "strictly business" and that he "had nothing to hide." He does admit, however, that he was not particularly anxious to make his purchase public. "Let's face it. It ain't real cool to put out there that you're buying something from David Duke," he said in a moment of crystal clarity. He steadfastly refused, however, to disavow his friendship with the dangerous Dukester. "Aw, man, look," he said, when asked about it at a press conference. "I'm sick of that. You renounce him if you want to. I don't agree with any of his racial stuff. Why don't you report that? Gov. Foster says he doesn't agree with David Duke's racial stuff. Write that down." Sounds suspiciously like "I did not have friendly relations with that racist, Mr. Duke. Not a single time. Never ..." - - - - - - - - - - - - An Irish politician's moooo-ving speech "Normally they don't seem to mind a bit of local politics in the morning, but as soon as he came on they became very agitated and some refused to produce any milk." -- An Irish dairy farmer on the udderly confusing effect a demagogical local politician's "Good Morning Ulster" appearance had on his cows - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Well, if Cher's not getting any, what does that mean for the rest of us? The super-sexy singer-actress (if I ever need a nip or tuck, I'm calling her plastic surgeon) confessed in the pages of super-unsexy Ladies Home Journal that she hasn't done the deed with a gypsy, a tramp, a thief or anyone else, for that matter, since her breakup with rock guitarist Richie Sambora six years ago. "For me to be single this long is quite strange," she said. "It's the longest I've ever been on my own. I've had a great time, but now I'd like to find somebody again." So what's stopping her? A dearth of attractive candidates. "It's easy for women to hang out with men who are famous," she sighed, "but no man wants to be Mr. Cher." Start lining up now, fellas, for a chance to have your name tattooed on her permanently (eerily) slender hip. If you're deaf, don't listen to Prince Philip. Queen Elizabeth's tact-challenged hubby recently joked that it was "no wonder" a group of deaf children in Cardiff, Wales, couldn't hear because they were standing near a brass band. "I took it as an insult. It was such a shock," one girl told the BBC. A Buckingham Palace spokesman said the not-very-princely remark had been misinterpreted, explaining, "It was meant in a light-hearted way and certainly no offense was meant by it." Kinda like how the Sun meant for you to take that topless photo of Sophie Rhys-Jones, eh royals? The name game is serious for Minneapolis name researcher Bruce Lansky. Lansky maintains that the monikers given to hurricanes by the World Meteorological Society determine the storm's personality. For instance, he's predicting this season's "Gert," which he says evokes a "tough old dame with a stormy personality," will be devastating, while tough-sounding "Lenny" will be strong but slow and "Jose" will wreak havoc on urban areas (watch out, Lansky, you're treading into Prince Philip territory there). He anticipates that hurricanes with names he thinks sound wimpy -- "Cindy," "Katrina" and "Harvey" -- will all be "cream puffs" that won't do much damage. Big talk from a guy named Bruce. salon.com | June 1, 1999