Hundreds of furious fans (many in full "Menace" regalia) who'd stood in line for hours to see the Australian premieres of "The Phantom Menace" were Forced out of several Sydney theaters Thursday following a flurry of equipment malfunctions. (It was a dark, dark Jedi night.)

"It totally ruined the movie, and I had waited so long to see it," griped one fan to the Daily Telegraph after the midnight screening he was attending was doubly delayed due to an projector meltdown.

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"It killed the momentum. There was a huge battle going on, everything was happening. People were throwing things at the announcer, anything they could get their hands on, and chanting, 'refund,'" agreed another disappointed die-hard.

What's more, Ahmed Best, the actor embroiled in controversy for providing the Caribbean-accented voice of (racial-stereotype-perpetuating?) amphibian alien Jar Jar Binks, spreads the dark side of scandal even further in the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone. According to Best, cute, cuddly R2-D2 is a pot-head, or at least the actor who plays him in "The Phantom Menace," Kenny Baker, made a habit of kicking back by the pool and toking up on a violet-colored bong during breaks in filming.

Best also brays that Yoda, sweet as he may seem, has something of a potty mouth. When the cameras weren't rolling, he says, fabulous puppeteer and voice of Yoda Frank Oz would belt out a raunchy rigmarole -- just for snicks. (Oh, Frank, what would Miss Piggy say? On second thought, don't tell us.)

But to the shocked soft-on-Yoda masses, Best offers this slice of perspective: "People look at Yoda like he's a god. On the real, he's just a puppet with a dude's hand up his ass."

Nice, Ahmed. Thanks for sharing that lovely, lovely image.

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Put a wick in that sucker and it'll burn all month

"They wanted the challenge of working in bulk. I understand they have a team working on the body."

-- Whoppin' weatherman Al Roker on his waxy likeness, which will be on display at the Times Square branch of Madame Tussaud's when it opens next spring

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Gore-d on the Net and laughing it off

His sense of humor may not be readily apparent to the naked eye, but upon closer inspection (real, real close -- where you can see the knotty wood grain), Al Gore may be able to take a joke considerably better than his Republican rival George W. Bush.

As regular NP readers know, a Web site parodying the official Bush campaign site recently sent George W. boo-hooing to the Federal Elections Commission, issuing startling statements like "There ought to be limits to freedom" and launching lame schoolyard labels ("This guy is just a garbage man," he woefully whimpered) at the satirists behind the site.

Gore, meanwhile, has remained mum about a friskily funny site mimicking the official Gore 2000 Internet outpost and poking at his heartfelt yet wonkish environmentalism, his namby-pamby lifestyle-improvement policies and his happy high-tech vision of the future.

The satirical site amusingly alleges, for instance, that ol' Woody's commitment to the environment "began when he was a young boy, learning the importance of not peeing in the well on his family farm in Carthage, Tenn. And it is a commitment he has carried to the White House, working with President Clinton to 'hit the mark' in the toilet." It pays tribute to his hopes of replacing poor communities -- "places where young and old get bitch-slapped on their way to the crack house" -- with "'green' communities made of recyclable kelp." There are even a couple of topless photos of Tipper (whom the site dubs "Titters") ... censored, of course.

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No "Friends" for the kiddies!

"If I was the one-man government, shows like 'Friends' would be shown only in movie theaters or late at night so some 9-year-old can't watch it."

-- Hollywood foe (and Tipper fan?) Sen. Joseph Lieberman, D-Conn., on what he'd do if he were king

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Juicy bits

Talk about misery. Actress Kathy Bates got a little taste of her own miserable on-screen medicine Wednesday when a mean man (could he be her No. 1 fan?) punctured her car tires and then -- pretending to offer help as she waited for the tow truck -- made off with her purse. At least he didn't tie her to a bed and hold her captive till next winter's snow melts.

Is Freddie Mercury's flamboyant image fit for British mail? Some crusty old Englishmen apparently don't think so -- and they're railing against a queen-approved Royal Mail stamp featuring the late Queen rocker. "The queen we would rather see on our postage stamps is not stripped to the waist and wearing spray-on red trousers," Daily Mail columnist Simon Heffer wrote last week. Topless photo foe Sophie Rhys-Jones might roger that.

Peanuts, Cracker Jack and the F-word? Fans at Yankee Stadium were more shocked than rocked Wednesday night when an obscenity-laced tune called "Tommy's Theme" blared out of the stadium speakers. A clean version of the Lox song was requested by new Yankee left fielder Tony Tarasco for his first at-bat, but a mix-up in the sound booth yielded a serenade fit only for the bowels of the bleachers. "My heart started pumping," Tarasco told the press after the game. "I was thinking, 'I hope they don't think that was my choice of music.'" Next time, Tony, why not try something by Freddie Mercury; he always goes over big.
salon.com | June 4, 1999

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