To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People June 18, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/06/18/pampam The bells of St. Pamela's chest Anderson Lee claims her breasts were ringing; a fond farewell to Screaming Lord Sutch; U.K. theater chain balks at "shag." Plus: spousal skivvy spray from Japan detects infidelity! - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Question of the day: If Pamela's ta-tas ring and there's no one around to hear them, do they really make a sound? Ah, the pesky perils of plastic. In the upcoming issue of TV Guide, Pamela Anderson Lee gets a couple of things off her already diminished chest. The former bodacious "Baywatch" babe and world-famous video star says she's alarmed by all the attention her recent reductive surgery has received. In fact, she'd hoped ditching her widely worshipped Winnebagos would have quieted the rampant ta-ta titters. "You know how your ears start ringing when people talk about you? My (gazongas) were ringing. Everywhere I went, I thought people were just looking straight at my chest," she tells the boob-tube bible. Baffled by the continued -- perhaps increased -- breast ogling that greets her now that she's minus mammoth mammaries, the marginally less lush Lee laments, "It's not like I was Dolly Parton one day and Kate Moss the next." Right you are, Pamela. And thanks for sharing your particularly perspicuous pectoral perspective. - - - - - - - - - - - - Your wife's been sleeping with your neighbor's dog -- and you just won a million bucks! "You know when you come on 'The Jerry Springer Show' that you're not going to hear something good. When you take that seat, you know you're not gonna be told you won the lottery. -- "Springer" executive producer Richard Dominick on why the Jenny Jones verdict doesn't concern him - - - - - - - - - - - - The passing of a real party guy When it comes to politics, it sometimes seems the Brits have all the luck. For instance, whereas we Americans get the likes of Ross "All ears and paranoia" Perot and Pat "Riflemouth" Buchanan to rabble the rouses (rouse the rabbles?), they got Screaming Lord Sutch, head of the delightfully bonkers Raving Monster Loony Party. Sutch, who was found hanged in an apparent suicide at his London home on Wednesday, was often said to have brought a sense of fun to the staid world of British politics (and sometimes said to have been the sanest man in the nutty political bunch). He and his persistently provocative party, which campaigned under the slogan "Vote for insanity -- you know it makes sense," challenged conventional candidates in some 40 elections in more than 30 years, rallying around such concepts as generating cheap electricity by forcing joggers and the jobless to power a gigantic treadmill and providing heated toilet seats for pensioners. Feisty and flamboyant Sutch (nee David Sutch -- his lordship was added by deed poll) also demanded to know why the U.K. had only one Monopolies Commission. (You gotta love that!) Some of the Loonies' less outrageous policies were, in fact, enacted into law -- voting at age 18, all-day pub opening. And although more conservative (and conventional) candidates tried to price the peculiar party out of the election process, Sutch, a former rocker who in the '60s headed up the Savages, in which Noel Redding, Keith Moon and Jeff Beck played early on, raised political cash by giving rock concerts. "Screaming Lord Sutch will be much missed," said a spokesman for British Prime Minister Tony Blair. "For many years he made a unique contribution to British politics.'' His passing is Sutch a sad loss. - - - - - - - - - - - - Stiff stuff, but it would be worse if he were running for reerection "Thirty million men and their spouses have a problem and when somebody speaks out on it, people make fun of it ... I don't mind Jay Leno, but serious journalists ought to know better." -- Bob "Don't call me Flopsy" Dole, standing erect and sticking it to journalists who ridicule his very impotent ... er, important ... endorsement of Viagra - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Does the word "shag" make you horny, baby? Does it make you randy? Well, the naughty British slang word may be a little too shagadelic for general U.K consumption, according to two British cinema bosses. When the Mike Myers masterpiece crosses the Shagatlantic for the U.K. premiere next month, it will likely be trumpeted on marquees as "Austin Powers 2" at theaters that are part of the whopping Odeon or ABC chains. "I am sure the title would be liable to offend a great many people," Lee MacPherson, marketing assistant at the flagship Odeon in central Glasgow, told the press this week. If Lee thinks the title is offensive, wait till she and her sensitive Glasgow filmgoers get a load of that repulsive Scotsman Fat Bastard! If only Hillary had had a little handy-dandy S-check spray lo those many months ago ... Safety Tanteisha, a detective agency in Osaka, Japan, is selling a do-it-yourself infidelity detection kit to help suspicious women nab their roving husbands. According to a report in New Scientist magazine, the kit -- for some strange reason marketed almost exclusively to married women -- consists of two aerosol cans that are sprayed separately on suspect spousal skivvies. If traces of -- gulp -- semen are found, the second spray turns them bright green. Safety Tanteisha's president, Takeshi Makino, says the erstwhile sticky stuff can be detected for up to two weeks if the undies aren't washed. Prospective customers here in the States are anxiously awaiting the company's appointment of a U.S. representative. May I suggest Linda Tripp? salon.com | June 18, 1999