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June 21, 1999 |
John Wayne Bobbitt The man whose moniker wickedly whispers "snip-snip" and whose unfortunate
member launched more raunchy jokes than you could shake a steak knife at wants to prove we've all been laughing with him, not at him. So he's written a joke book. According to its author, who's bent on ignoring the fact that his tawdry 15 minutes
were up years ago, well before he became a regular on Stern's radio show and
showed off the wonders of modern science in a porn flick, the book contains
cartoon pictures, crazy stories and (oh, God, it gets worse) "interesting penis facts." It's title: "Getting Cocky With John Wayne Bobbitt: A Book That Will Make You Laugh Your Balls Off." He's shopping it around to publishers. But he doesn't want an editor who's into
making too many cuts. - - - - - - - - - - - - And for an encore he'll yodel
like Tarzan "If they are not prepared to sit and listen to what I want to play, well, you are not
going to get me at all." -- Petulant percussionist Phil "Big Baby Head" Collins on his reaction to
audiences who impertinently requested he sing during his recent non-singing big
band tour - - - - - - - - - - - - Sometimes even the
breast-laid plans ... Well, you can't say she didn't give it her breast shot. Anne-Marit
Smette's attempt to hatch a bird's egg by incubating it in her cleavage has turned out to be a
big bust. Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! "There was no bird in the egg," noted the nurturing Norwegian after cracking open the green and brown speckled curlew egg she'd had tucked into her ample brassiere and nuzzled round-the-clock since late May. "It wasn't even fertilized." The ever-optimistic 58-year-old ex-hospital midwife insisted on seeing the situation sunny side up, however, telling Reuters that she was "perhaps a bit old for pregnancy." And Smette's husband, Knut, who wasn't allowed to approach his wife's birdie warmers for fear of shell shock, clearly didn't think impending fowl fatherhood was all it was cracked up to be either. "He's happy," chirped Smette. "He's been treating me almost like a rotten egg for the last month." Looks like the yolk was on her after all. - - - - - - - - - - - - But maybe if you're lucky, Geraldo, Tom Brokaw will let you carry his golf bag "'Dateline' and 'Nightly' are like the country club in my neighborhood. I'm not allowed in.'' -- Geraldo "Cinderella" Rivera on his work not being shown on "Dateline NBC" and "NBC Nightly News." - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Being the top gun in a steamy Stanley Kubrick film is hard work -- even if all the sex scenes are with your leggy wife. Tom Cruise admitted as much when he talked to Harper's Bazaar magazine about the "intense atmosphere of intimacy" the late director created on the set of "Eyes Wide Shut." "I was beat at the end of it, absolutely whipped," carped Cruise. Well, Tom, no one ever said acting in a Kubrick film wouldn't be risky business. Just like Anne-Marit Smette, Chris Mawson thought she was too old to have a baby. So when the 40-year-old British woman who was convinced she was going through menopause went to the hospital last Sunday complaining of stomach pains after a night out at the pub and was told she was pregnant, she called the nurse "stupid" and demanded a second opinion. Then, 50 minutes later, Mawson birthed a bouncing baby girl. "I was absolutely gobsmacked," her husband told the BBC, adding that he and his wife are "thrilled." Yeah, OK, but then how do you explain the hot flashes? If Hollywood superpower Steven Spielberg has his way (and when
doesn't he?), Private Ryan won't be keeping company with the flamboyant World
Wrestling Federation flying melvinheads or "The Jerry Springer Show's" mangy
menagerie any time soon. According to Daily Variety, the Oscar-laden director has
issued a memo to the pay-per-view powers that be
demanding that promos for his World War II epic "Saving Private Ryan" not be
aired without "a buffer of no less than one minute" between them and any sex- or
violence-filled ads. Damn, I was so looking forward to seeing "Stone Cold" Steve Austin take on "Rock Hard" Tom Hanks.
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