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Recently in Salon People

People Feature
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David Brower, the grand old man of the environmental movement, talks about the Sierra Club, why conservationists shouldn't compromise and why tree-huggers should lighten up.

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Nothing Personal
Global gobsmacking
John Wayne Bobbitt writes a joke book, but isn't that redundant? Boo-hoo: No baby for the lady with the incubator cleavage; Cruise "absolutely whipped"; Tom Hanks will not take on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.

By Amy Reiter
[06/21/99]

What's Your Story?
"Promoting exposure of a person"
Artist Spencer Tunick is in hot water with the NYPD for attempting to photograph 150 nude people in Times Square.

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[06/21/99]

The Raw and the Cooked
Searchin' for something to search for
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[06/19/99]

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In the '60s and '70s, you couldn't turn on the radio without hearing a Carole King song. Thirty years later, the earth's still moving under her feet.

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[06/19/99]

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Falwell: Lilith sucked face with she-demons Reiter
Falwell shifts focus from Tinky-Winky to the Beast; off with his head! Prince William gets digital makeover. Plus: This week's fun couple -- Evel Knievel and Chrissie Hynde.

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By Amy Reiter

June 22, 1999 | Their voices are lilting. Ticket sales are wilting. But are the lovely ladies of Lilith Fair doing the work of ... Satan? Hmmm?

A certain wily Tinky-Winky-outer proclaims that, sweet as the songs of Sarah McLachlan and co. may be, they possess -- gasp! -- the demon seed. (Am I the only one who'd pay good money to see marvelous Ms. McLachlan's head do a 360 and spew green bile?)

"Many young people no doubt attend the Lilith Fair concerts not knowing the demonic legend of the mystical woman whose name the series manifests," intones the always-good-for-a-snicker "Parents Alert" column in the June issue of the Rev. Jerry Falwell's National Liberty Journal.

According to the paper's highly insightful senior editor, J.M. Smith, the all-women concert tour's biblical namesake is a "pagan figure" with a bent toward "lesbian imagery." The "mythical character who many feminists celebrate as the first wife -- and equal -- of Adam," he explains, was an unwed mother who cranked out the kiddies and then went on a killing spree. What's more, while there's no evidence that Lilith was purple or carried a purse, she was, says Smith, given to sucking face with demons of the female persuasion.

Zesty! Anyone taking bets on how long it takes Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to team up on "Lilith: the Movie" with (where is she now?) Linda "Swirly-neck" Blair?

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If Evel's right about heaven, I'd rather go straight to hell with the Lilith gals!

"Heaven is a place you can go and drink a lot of draft beer and it don't make you fat. You can cheat on your wife and she don't get mad. You get a beautiful female chauffeur with nice, hard tits -- real ones. There are motorcycle jumps you never miss. You don't need a tee time."

-- Daredevil Evel "No, I'm not dead yet" Knievel, painting a vivid picture of a sweet, consequence-free hereafter in Esquire.

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Amy Reiter

Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.

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Got a hot tip? Tell Amy!



If Baby Spice had been there to lend a platform shoe, everyone's problems would have been solved!

It's official: Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones, the newly christened Earl and Countess of Wessex, have tied the diamond-encrusted royal knot. (Mazel tov!) The wedding was beautiful. The obedient bride looked smashing. The ratings were respectable. The queen mother lived through the ceremony. And guests -- even surly Prince Charlie -- boogied down afterward to disco classics, including the completely incongruous Village People hit "YMCA" (guess the happy couple felt those nasty rumors about thespian Edward's presumed predilections were sufficiently quashed by the royal ring exchange).

But, alas, one attendee didn't appear quite as happy as he did, say, the day he met the Spice Girls. In fact, the BBC reports that popular-with-the-preteen-set Prince William looked so pathetically unenthused in the official Windsor family photo, the photographer had to do a little fancy dancing (à la YMCA-ing Prince Charles?) and paste in a faux smile.

"Prince Edward said he didn't think Prince William looked absolutely his best," family photographer Sir Geoffrey Shakerley confessed to the press, "so digitally we were able to put in another picture of Prince William from one of the other shots where he is smiling and laughing."

And woeful Wills wasn't the only one in need of a little artificial enhancement come photo time. Sir Geoffrey said several particularly petite royal family members stepped up and got a little boost from phone books. However, although Sir Geoffrey came prepared with "10 huge yellow pages," he lamented, "We didn't take enough."

Seems it's not just the power of the monarchy that's shrinking.

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Got brass in pocket, but she'll keep her shirt on, thanks

"Women musicians, these days, seem to think everyone wants to see their breasts. I think that's very un-rock."

-- Pretenders rocker Chrissie Hynde, taking aim at the tit-for-tat maneuvers of today's groovin' gals. (Really, Chrissie, couldn't you leave such unhelpful comments to the Falwellians?)

. Next page | More adventure ahead: Juicy bits!


 
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