| |||||
|
Arts & Entertainment Books Comics Health & Body Media Mothers Who Think News Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food ![]() Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon People stories, go to the
People home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Salon Columnists - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon People People Feature Nothing Personal What's Your Story? The Raw and the Cooked People Feature - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- - - - - - - - - - - -
June 22, 1999 |
A certain wily Tinky-Winky-outer proclaims that, sweet as the songs of Sarah
McLachlan and co. may be, they possess -- gasp! -- the demon seed. (Am I the only one who'd
pay good money to see marvelous Ms. McLachlan's head do a 360 and spew green bile?) "Many young people no doubt attend the Lilith Fair concerts not knowing the demonic legend of the
mystical woman whose name the series manifests," intones the always- According to the paper's highly insightful senior editor, J.M. Smith, the all-women concert
tour's biblical namesake is a "pagan figure" with a bent toward "lesbian imagery." The "mythical
character who many feminists celebrate as the first wife -- and equal -- of Adam," he explains, was an
unwed mother who cranked out the kiddies and then went on a killing spree. What's more, while
there's no evidence that Lilith was purple or carried a purse, she was, says Smith, given to
sucking face with demons of the female persuasion. Zesty! Anyone taking bets on how long it takes Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche
to team up on "Lilith: the Movie" with (where is she now?) Linda "Swirly-neck" Blair? - - - - - - - - - - - - If Evel's right about heaven, I'd rather go straight
to hell with the Lilith gals! "Heaven is a place you can go and drink a lot of draft beer and it don't make you fat. You can cheat
on your wife and she don't get mad. You get a beautiful female chauffeur with nice, hard tits -- real
ones. There are motorcycle jumps you never miss. You don't need a tee time." -- Daredevil Evel "No, I'm not dead yet" Knievel, painting a vivid picture of a sweet,
consequence-free hereafter in Esquire. - - - - - - - - - - - - Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! If Baby Spice had been there to lend a platform shoe, everyone's problems would have been solved! It's official: Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones, the newly christened Earl and Countess of Wessex, have tied the diamond-encrusted royal knot. (Mazel tov!) The wedding was beautiful. The obedient bride looked smashing. The ratings were respectable. The queen mother lived through the ceremony. And guests -- even surly Prince Charlie -- boogied down afterward to disco classics, including the completely incongruous Village People hit "YMCA" (guess the happy couple felt those nasty rumors about thespian Edward's presumed predilections were sufficiently quashed by the royal ring exchange). But, alas, one attendee didn't appear quite as happy as he did, say, the day he met the Spice
Girls. In fact, the BBC reports that popular- "Prince Edward said he didn't think Prince William looked absolutely his best," family photographer Sir Geoffrey Shakerley confessed to the press, "so digitally we were able to put in another picture of Prince William from one of the other shots where he is smiling and laughing." And woeful Wills wasn't the only one in need of a little artificial enhancement come photo time. Sir Geoffrey said several particularly petite royal family members stepped up and got a little boost from phone books. However, although Sir Geoffrey came prepared with "10 huge yellow pages," he lamented, "We didn't take enough." Seems it's not just the power of the monarchy that's shrinking. - - - - - - - - - - - - Got brass in pocket, but she'll keep her shirt on, thanks "Women musicians, these days, seem to think everyone wants to see their breasts. I think that's very un-rock." -- Pretenders rocker Chrissie Hynde, taking aim at the tit-for-tat maneuvers of today's groovin' gals. (Really, Chrissie, couldn't you leave such unhelpful comments to the Falwellians?)
| ||||
Arts & Entertainment | Books | Comics | Life | News | People
Politics | Sex | Tech & Business | Audio
The Free Software Project | The Movie Page
Letters | Columnists | Salon Plus
Copyright © 2000 Salon.com All rights reserved.