To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People July 6, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/07/06/technobra Real-life fembots! New GPS-equipped bra enables authorities to locate your breasts; Brit bookies say Gore's gonna get it; Nicole Kidman: Call Pamela Anderson Lee; Lennon more popular than Jesus in new poll. Plus: Be very afraid -- Loni Anderson is back! - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Picture this, if you will: You're walking down a dimly lit city street alone at night. Not a soul is in sight. Suddenly -- wham! -- someone grabs you from behind. You jump. Your heart goes thump-a-thump. You break out in a serious sweat. What do you do? What do you do? If you happen to be wearing a handy-dandy Techno Bra, you just kick back and let your brave bustier break it to the law. Wired reports that Kursty Groves, a dauntless design student at London's Royal College of Art, is perfecting a sassy security bra capable of calling the cops in case of attack and communicating its woe-befallen wearer's exact location. The dynamic dainty comes hot-wired with a built-in heart-rate monitor, a Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) locator and a wireless phone. (What, no blender?) "It could notify the police if the woman was a victim of domestic violence," Groves gushed to Wired. "But for someone like me, who works a lot at night, it could notify my boyfriend -- someone who cares." (Unlike the coppers, of course.) The super-high-tech support system, which Groves claims is capable of distinguishing between a just-jumped-by-a-bad-guy jolt and a just-startled-by-a-dog jolt, comes complete with a fail-safe button to prevent falsie ... er, false ... alarms. But a note to the wise: If combined with the world-famous Water Bra, this front-loaded lingerie could be deadlier than plugging in a hair dryer at your friendly neighborhood water park. - - - - - - - - - - - - Wicked game of the forever young "That's why they make multiplexes, isn't it? I go to see one movie, and I always try to see a second one." -- Morally challenged singer Chris Isaak on his perturbing penchant for sneaking into movies, in an upcoming USA Weekend magazine - - - - - - - - - - - - Wood you bet on this man? Don't cry for Al "Wake me when my speech is over" Gore just yet. His double-talkin' boss may be doing him more harm than good, the press may have declared him a dead duck before he even hit the pond and most polls may have him trailing moolah-man of few words George W. Bush by a whopping margin, but the Woodman's got a buncha British bookies betting on him. Flying in the face of front-running convention, the odds-making lads at London-based Ladbrokes are giving gigglin' Gore 5-to-4 odds over high-flyin' Bush in the Y2K election. Ladbrokes spokesman Ed Nicholson says the best bet's on Tipper's best boy and predicts a Gore victory come election day. Silly Ladbrokes, everyone knows the smart money's on Michael T. Miller, a Democratic presidential candidate from Florida, who Politics1 describes as "a budding songwriter, poet and supermarket employee." Miller, in case you British betters don't know, is also an experienced leader, having served as president of both his high school class in 1979 and an Elvis Fan Club in 1998. What other candidate carries the endorsement of the still-alive-somewhere swivel-hipped King? Hmmm? - - - - - - - - - - - - A woman after Pamela Anderson Lee's own heart -- not! "I wouldn't mind having bigger boobs, but I would never have plastic surgery - only au naturel." -- Nicole "pure theatrical Viagra" Kidman on what she'd change about her body if the laughing man upstairs accepted custom orders. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Doesn't Andrew Lloyd Webber have any shame? (Right. Don't bother to answer that.) The overblown British composer is fixing to bring his horrendous atonal, one-song-ad-nauseum, non-hit musical "Aspects of Love" to the big screen. (Take it from Nothing Personal, sitting through this show was about as much fun as taking a roll in the hay with the Marquis de Sade.) The merciless fellow says he wants to "break some exciting new ground in the field of film musicals." Perhaps you're familiar with the musical's theme song? It's called "Love Changes Everything ... Except Andrew Lloyd Webber's Colossal Ego." It's strawberry fields and John Lennon forever. The readers of the U.K.'s Q magazine have voted Yoko Ono's late hubby the greatest musician of all time, just ahead of fellow Beatle and peacenik Paul McCartney. (Kurt Cobain, Bob Dylan, and Elvis Presley rounded out the top five.) "I think he would have been very proud," yapped Yoko. "There's no way of knowing how he would have expressed that, but he could have been pleased inside." Or maybe he would've whooped that he was more popular than Jesus ... For those of you who've been thirsting for a little helpful advice from Ellen DeGeneres' mom, you now have your chance. Betty DeGeneres, mother of the world's most famous lesbian, now has her own interactive area on Planet Out: "Ask Betty." Mama DeGeneres says she'd like to be known as the "Emily Post of gay etiquette." Gosh, and here I thought Rupert Everett already had that title all locked up. Breast-for-success brain bender of the week: Loni Anderson, bodacious blond of "WKRP" fame, is set to appear on bodacious blond of "Baywatch" fame Pamela Anderson Lee's show, "V.I.P.," which of course stands for Very Impressive Pectorals. (Now in either of their Techno Bras, you could fit a couple of microwave ovens.) Anderson will play Anderson Lee's ... mother. Oh, how far the mighty-chested have fallen ... salon.com | July 6, 1999