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What is it about noses and nookie?
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July 15, 1999 |
A new Jones-tinged scandal has come flying over the wires: The Associated Press reports that the handy-with-a-scalpel plastic surgeon
who gave put-upon Paula's honkin' schnozz its perky new look is being sued by his office assistant, who tells an eerily familiar story. According to Christine Sabia, immediately after Dr. Thomas W. "Miracle worker" Loeb finished surgically
slimming Jones' sizable sniffer in July 1998, he marched straight into his office, dropped his pants and demanded oral sex. (Why, how very original.) Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! Loeb contends his affair with Sabia was brief, consensual and started by her, and that once he broke it off, she began demanding batches of buckage. He says, however, that he was "not willing to be extorted." But Sabia, who says she nodded to nookie for nine months because she needed the salary, has another zinger up her surgical sleeve. She contends that the professional proboscis prettier planned to videotape poor Paula's surgery and auction the video off to the highest-bidding tabloid. I'm sorry, but really, is there anything you'd be less likely to pay to see? - - - - - - - - - - - - Just can't let it be "Knowing his insecurities, I think he might not have liked me doing well. That was one of his problems." -- Julian "Rude Jude to you" Lennon on how his late Beatle father, John, might have resented his music career. - - - - - - - - - - - - Nothing but Newt? What could possibly be worse than listening to Rush Limbaugh's radio show? Uh ... how about listening to Newt Gingrich's nitwitty nattering, which may quite possibly be coming soon to a radio station near you. (Go ahead, touch that dial.) The former House speaker has traded in his "Contract With America" for a contract with Premiere Radio Networks, the radio syndicator that peddles Limbaugh, Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Art Bell, reports the Washington Post. And -- perhaps just to defy your attempt to lunge for the "scan" button -- the daily spots, called "Newt's Age of Possibilities," will last just 90 seconds. Ninety seconds of naughty Newty fun, covering everything from health to high-tech news to model citizens (like, say, someone who would ditch his wife while she was struggling with cancer?). "I'll be the same kind of direct, uncensored, unedited guy, with the same style that occasionally got me into trouble," the newly wired Newtcaster promised the D.C. paper. "I'll try to take on things in a kind of fearless way." Well, I suppose we have nothing to fear but Newt himself ... - - - - - - - - - - - - Bellow of a gender-bending brawler "I will go and fight anywhere to pocket enough money for my sex-change operation." -- Transvestite Thai kick boxer Parinya "Hey, watch the breasts, buster" Kiatbusaba on his novel foe-fighting, fund-raising surgical scheme. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Hear that sweet tinkle-tinkle? No, it's not the sound of an unlucky lady brushing against the butler call button while getting groped in the Oval Office pantry. It's the pinging ring of wedding bells for Ms. Kathleen Willey. The once-woebegone White House-volunteering widow has just announced that she's fixing to wed longtime pal Bill Schwicker this fall. "I'm going to get married and try to put all this behind me," Willey told the AP this week, referring to her 1993 run-in with a certain presidential Mr. Hands. "It's all over." Hmm ... think "60 Minutes" will get exclusive coverage of the wedding? Don't know much about Limp Bizkit, those fresh-on-the-scene chart-topping metal-rap rockers from Jacksonville, Fla. But I do know it's not nice to kick security guards in the head when you're onstage. Fred Durst, the band's rags-to-riches front man, spent the night in jail Monday night after flinging his foot into the noggin of a scuffling security guard (without missing a note) at a Bizkit concert in St. Paul, Minn., and then boasting about it to his assembled fans, reports the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. Later, Durst is said to have apologized, saying, "I was wrong ... we were all wrong." I'm guessing young Durst aced all his lessons at bad-boy rocker finishing school. Forget mad about you; autograph hounds just get mad when it comes to Helen "The heck with you; I've got Hank
Azaria and a big fat Oscar" Hunt. According to Autograph Collector magazine, the award-winning actress and erstwhile
sitcom star is as bad as it gets when it comes to signing autographs, but it wasn't always that way. "At one point she was one of my best
signers. This year, she was awful, worse than last year," the autograph magazine's contributing editor Yvonne Woolf recently
told Enews.com editor Jennifer
Zajac. "Her signature has always been the same. It's poor. It only takes a few seconds, but her signature is H-slop, H-slop." And,
Woolf warns, Hunt has recently begun refusing to sign autographs in public. Sounds like someone's ego needs a little twister.
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