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Nothing Personal: Turkeys making turkeys
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Nov. 24, 1999 |
But in case your gratitude checklist is a little on the short side, here are a few famous folks we can all thank our lucky giblets we're not passing the stuffing to this year: Cher: True, she's no stranger to the knife, but the ex-Mrs. Bono may not bother to show up come carving time. One Thanksgiving, she left her guests to sup all by themselves because "I didn't feel like going to it." I got no host, babe? Newt Gingrich and Callista Bisek: Even if you did let Gingrich and his freshly squeezed filly take you out to a snazzy restaurant and pop for a pricey bottle of wine, would you really want to sit around all night and listen to them practice what they're gonna tell Marianne's lawyers? Didn't think so. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee: Three reasons ... 1) They love to get naked on special occasions -- and request that their guests doff their duds, too. Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! 2) Little Brandon and Dylan's table manners: "We'll be in a restaurant and Brandon wants to eat like a doggy, so we all start eating like doggies," Pam recently told Jane magazine, adding that the family also partakes in the occasional food fight. "I think it's great. It's expressive and fun." 3) Tommy brandishing a carving knife. Need I say more? The Artist: Having to say, "Please pass the bready side dish formerly known as stuffing and the vegetable formerly known as cauliflower" gets old fast when you're hungry. And insisting that everyone refer to the yams as (unpronounceable symbol) is just cruel. Matt Drudge: Two reasons ... 1) Having your host holler "Exclusive!" before every course can jangle your nerves (and damage the crystal). 2) He's bound to break your mother's no- Anna Nicole Smith: Things can get ugly fast when there's more breast meat on the hostess than on the turkey. Ben Affleck: Sure, we've all played with our food at some point, but accepting an invitation to turkey dinner from a guy who's said, "I prefer white meat for Thanksgiving. Though actually I'm more of an ass man, so I should probably like dark meat better" could be risky. The Clintons: Who among us really wants to feel the turkey's pain? Gina Gershon: What's cooking at the "Snoops" star's house? "I hate to cook, but if I have to cook a Thanksgiving dinner this year," Gershon told tipster Baird Jones, "I'll just make a ton of hot dogs with a ton of sauerkraut." Yeah, and her guests will order a ton of pizzas. Rudy Giuliani: It's just a little too easy to picture His Nastiness roughing up the turkey and then barking at it to "get stuffed." Although if you like your meat reaaaaalllly tenderized ... Richard Simmons: Ask the man who, now that his TV show's been canceled, says he'll return full-time to his "daily mission of tending to the dire needs of the country's ever-growing obese population" for another piece of pie? Go ahead. I dare ya. Best wishes for a happy, thankful Thanksgiving from the entire Nothing Personal staff (me).
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