To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Dec. 1, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/12/01/np1201 When toilet seats attack When you get caught between the seat and New York City, you know it's painful, so you sue. Plus: All aboard Affleck! - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter And you thought burning your tongue on your latte was bad ... A Canadian named Edward Skwarek is suing Starbucks Corp. for $1.5 million, claiming that his penis was crushed by a loose toilet seat at a New York Starbucks. Skwarek's lawyer, Richard Robbins, told Reuters his client "was in a seated position on the toilet when he turned to retrieve the toilet paper in back of the seat when the seat shifted causing his penis to be caught and crushed between the seat and the bowl." Alleged result of said seat shifting? According to the suit, "crushed penis, Peyronie's disease, retrograde ejaculation with consequent substantial reduction in sperm count, infertility, severe bruising to his penis and sexual function impairment." Double grande bummer ... frappé. - - - - - - - - - - - - Another Sally Field moment "John Travolta was my [style] hero. Actually, I had no heroes. I never had any style. Someone else dresses me. I haven't got a clue." -- Sally Field on life's sartorial challenges, in Allure. - - - - - - - - - - - - Wonk in training Is Ben Affleck making U.S. transportation policy? In the December issue of GQ, Matt Damon recalls a 1998 visit to Camp David with his old buddy Affleck. Damon was making conversation with Madeleine Albright, he says, when he looked up and saw Affleck haranguing President Clinton about privatizing Amtrak. "Ben's arms are moving around," Damon says. "And I know from his expression that he's talking about Amtrak." A couple of weeks later, Damon picked up the New York Times to find a front-page story "about Amtrak looking into privatization," he says. "The phone rings, and it's Ben going, 'I'm not saying it was me, but ...'" And he invented the Internet, too, right? - - - - - - - - - - - - There are no small parts ... "I'm looking forward to meeting the lovely lady who bids on the date. I know there is a woman out there who is looking for a true gentleman like myself." -- Diminutive "Diff'rent Strokes" star Gary Coleman on the "all-expense-paid" date with him that's up for auction on ugo.com. - - - - - - - - - - - - That's entertainment? "When I lost my temper, it was not a surprise to me. I could see that people wanted me to wack out, so I gave them what they wanted. It was always meant to be entertaining." -- Aging enfant terrible John McEnroe in the London Telegraph. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Don McLean's singing "bye-bye" to Americanpie.com. The graphic design firm using that domain name, American Pie Design, is suing him for temporarily shutting it down. The firm's owner, Desirae Pierce, claims she's violating no trademarks in using the name -- and that McLean's "malicious" move has cost her business. What's more, she says "'American pie' is part of the vernacular. When you hear it, you don't think instantly of Don McLean." Well, maybe you don't. It makes Brandi Chastain's triumphant sport-bra flash look like child's play. The Australian women's soccer team, the Matildas, has released a nude calendar featuring 12 of its players. "For me, taking my clothes off was no big deal. Having been in Europe for so long made me very comfortable with the concept," team member Alison Forman told the Sydney Morning Herald. "It's all about boosting the profile of the team and our sport." Interesting choice of words. Who knew Shaun Cassidy had so many fans left? A bevy of readers have informed me that Cassidy was the '70s icon who belted out "Da Doo Ron Ron." Leif Garrett's big hit was "Runaround Sue." Now how could I have confused those two? salon.com | Dec. 1, 1999