To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Jan. 24, 2000 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/2000/01/24/np0124 Celebs in the dating doldrums Yikes! John Waters is coming back and he's bringing a gerbil with him; Peta Wilson chats about lesbian S&M; place your bets: Courtney Love vs. David Geffen. Plus: George Clooney to play Dr. Feelgood? - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Ah, life in the fast-forward lane ... Even when you're beautiful, rich and adored by the masses, a good date is still hard to find. "It's hard, especially when someone can rent you at Blockbuster," complains Freddie Prinze Jr. in the upcoming issue of USA Weekend. Alicia Witt -- who plays a Traci Lords-like porn star in John Waters' upcoming "Cecil B. Demented" (in one scene, she says, "it's just me alone -- and a gerbil") -- agrees. "Who else do I meet but actors?" she gripes in a Stuff magazine interview. "I hate them. They sit there at dinner and give you their résumé. But then, if they're not actors and they're the least bit starstruck, it can be worse." All she wants is someone with whom to realize her secret fantasy: Can you say "mile high"? "I would love to have sex on an airplane," she confides. "It's very tricky and you'd have to have major balls to do it, but I've thought about it a lot." Clearly. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - No longer cool to be sad "Before I said, 'I want to make it cool to be sad.' And now that sounds really weird to me. I don't want it to be cool to be sad anymore. I just want it to be OK." -- Fiona Apple, on how the world looks different to her now that she's 22, in Spin. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A crimeless victim You think your job is torture? It's probably less grueling than Peta Wilson's. To whip herself into shape for her role as a sexual-abuse victim in the upcoming movie "Mercy," in which she gets hot and heavy with Ellen Barkin, the actress dabbled in a little lesbian S&M, she tells TV Guide. The "La Femme Nikita" star spent three weeks trolling some of L.A.'s seamiest clubs and indulging in some serious educational abuse at the hands of her own private dominatrix. So is she going back for more? It's not looking likely. Says she, "I look at it now and go, 'I did that? Oh, my God!'" Well, you can't blame the victim for tryin'. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Doctor one more time "How could any woman resist George Clooney? He makes my knees go weak. Oh yes, I'd love him to play doctors and nurses in my next video." -- Britney Spears girlishly cyber-chatting about her ideal man, in Scotland's Daily Record. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits A certain undie-free someone might soon be crossing and uncrossing her legs on the Great White Way. Variety reports that Sharon Stone is meeting with director Howard Davies about making her Broadway debut in David Mamet's "Boston Marriage," a play about two 19th century lesbians. Courtney Love vs. David Geffen? The record producer is suing Hole after the band began posting its songs on its Web site and announced it would walk out on its 1992 deal with Geffen Records. Buckle in for a good grungy fight ... Rebound this: Dennis Rodman has signed on to play a brilliant strategist with a bullet in his brain on "The Consultants," a syndicated TV show premiering this fall. According to Variety, Rena Mero (aka WWF's Sable) will also star in this show about a team of martial-arts-trained criminal investigators. And you thought there was nothing good on TV. salon.com | Jan. 24, 2000   - - - - - - - - - - - - About the writer Amy Reiter is a staff writer for Salon People. For more columns by Amy Reiter, visit her column archive.