To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People March 30, 2000 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/2000/03/30/npthurs Balk this way Liv livid over faux daddy/daughter nipple story; Kate Moss parties like she's made of kidneys; and what's in a reversible name? Brandon Teena/Teena Brandon's mom thought Swank's thanks stank. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Liv Tyler would like to clear something up: She and her father do not have matching nipple rings. Tyler tells Allure that when she read a newspaper report that her lippy dad, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler, "had bought us [matching] emerald nipple rings and that we were going to have them installed," it "almost made me pass out." "How vulgar!" she exclaims. "Who would ever say that about a father and daughter?" Maybe they were thinking of Angelina Jolie and her brother. - - - - - - - - - - - - No sex please, he's British "I didn't want any orgies because orgies are boring." -- Ridley Scott on why his upcoming flick "Gladiator" focuses more on violence than sex. - - - - - - - - - - - - Who was that masked man? Here's one for the what-goes-around-comes-around file: Covering a Kiss tour of Japan back in the late '70s, writer Michael Gross was constantly mistaken for Paul Stanley. He blames his hair. "No one knew what those guys looked like out of makeup," Gross tells me. "And I had these angel curls." He was approached by Stanley fans so often, he began signing autographs. Cut to ... last week's celeb-filled L.A. launch party for Gross' new book about the baby boom, "My Generation: Fifty Years of Sex, Drugs, Rock, Revolution, Glamour, Greed, Valor, Faith and Silicon Chips." Stanley and band mate Gene Simmons, with whom Gross has remained friendly, showed up at the Standard Hotel to fete the author and rub shoulders with the likes of Rosanna Arquette and Vanna White. But when Stanley, Simmons and Gross wandered into the hotel lobby, a leggy blond approached Simmons. "Are you Michael Gross, who wrote the book?" the woman asked the famous rocker. "The wheel does go 'round," chortles Gross. Then again, this time he can't blame the hair. "I think I'm much prettier than Gene," he tells me. "But then, he's a lot richer than I am." - - - - - - - - - - - - Forget the paintbrush "Knowing how to give pleasure to a woman is the nearest most men get to being an artist." -- Sir Peter Hall on the art of love in the U.K. Telegraph. - - - - - - - - - - - - He's all shook up Elvis is alive -- and he's running for mayor of a small Midwestern town! A part-time Elvis impersonator who has legally changed his name to Elvis Aaron Presley is running for office in Phillips, Wis. If elected, Presley tells the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, he'll raise money for the city by staging an Elvis concert. The King apparently got his inspiration from the Body. "If the people of [Minnesota] can put a wrestler in office," the candidate says, "I don't see what's wrong with the people in Wisconsin electing an Elvis impersonator." Presley says he hopes his famous name will work in his favor. Then again, he says, "it also works against me. Some people might think: We don't want this guy to be mayor. He doesn't seem to even know his own identity." But he sure can swivel his hips ... - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits You can't keep a party-lovin' supermodel down. At least not for long. Just two days after Kate Moss was released from the hospital following a severe kidney infection, she was back on the club scene, tossing back the booze. Unnamed witnesses told the U.K. Sun that Kate and her buddies "were all downing sake" over dinner, tossing back the champagne afterward and -- most horrifying of all -- "singing out of tune" on their way out the door. Hope her kidney doctor's handy with livers, too. A group of Tasmanian schoolboys reportedly got a little saucy Wednesday as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip took a little stroll during their tour of Australia. The kids hurled a rotten tomato at the British royals -- missing them by just a few feet. A Scotland Yard detective gave chase -- but he apparently couldn't ketchup. Home alone with Harry Potter? Chris Columbus has been tapped to direct "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," the first of four films based on J.K. Rowling's bestselling books. "I'm thrilled and honored to bring J.K. Rowling's classic story to the screen," said Columbus, who directed "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Home Alone." Thank God Macauley Culkin's too old for the part. Hilary Swank is in hot water with JoAnn Brandon, whose daughter Swank portrayed in "Boys Don't Cry," because she referred to "Brandon Teena," rather than Teena Brandon (Brandon's daughter's given name), during her Oscar acceptance speech. "That set me off," Brandon said. "She should not stand up there and thank my child. I get tired of people taking credit for what they don't know." Tell me you didn't see this one coming: After word leaked out that Kathleen Turner doffs her duds in the West End stage production of "The Graduate," ticket sales have gone off the charts. A production spokesman told the BBC that the exponential sales increase "is not just because people now know she is naked in it. It's also because the word is out that it is a terribly good production." Uh-huh. And most men read Playboy for the articles. Welcome back, Kaplan? Gabe Kaplan, who played Gabe Kotter in that classic TV sitcom "Welcome Back, Kotter," is returning to the comedy stage with a gig in Mobile, Ala. According to the Associated Press, the actor left show biz back in the early 1980s to pursue investments and high-stakes poker, but says stand-up comedy is "the only legitimate job I ever had." Who's gonna break it to the Sweathogs? salon.com | March 30, 2000   - - - - - - - - - - - - About the writer Amy Reiter is a staff writer for Salon People. For more columns by Amy Reiter, visit her column archive.