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Letting it all leak out
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May 1, 2000 | At the opening for the ham-radio thriller "Frequency" in New York last week, Johnson shared a terrifying -- yet true -- tale with dish digger Baird Jones. Call it "The Case of the Truant Ta-Ta." Once upon a time, not too long ago, Johnson recalled, she went to get her daily massage. "As I lay down flat on the table, I looked down and screamed, 'Holy smoke! One of my tits just disappeared!'" Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! Can you say "saline seepage"? "It was amazing," said Johnson. "I was looking right at my bosoms and I saw my left one just flatten right out in a flash. My left boob had completely deflated. There I was with one big knocker and my left tit was suddenly just a total ground zero. "One second I had the best knockers in town; the next moment my left boob had just vanished. It was like someone popped the soufflé!" Rubdown be damned, Johnson rushed to her doctor, who congratulated her on being a statistical anomaly and assured her that she'd be A-OK healthwise. So did Johnson goose her gazongas right back up? Nope. "The longer I looked at my flat-chested side, the better it looked," she said. "I felt fate had sent me a message, so I had both implants removed." Now -- flat, fearless and saline free -- Johnson says that, though she "loved having a big rack," she feels it's much better to get into relationships with guys who aren't blinded by her headlights. "My advice to women now is to shout, 'I'm flat as a pancake!' Say it loud; say it proud." See? Like all good stories, it even has a moral ... - - - - - - - - - - - - Brown sugar ... under wraps "To be onstage and people goin', 'Take it off! Take it off!' ... I'm not no stripper. I'm up there doin' somethin' I strongly believe in." -- D'Angelo, sharing the naked truth about his randy fans in Rolling Stone. - - - - - - - - - - - - She's so money If only Betsey Johnson had taken a tip from Tina Turner before her rapturous rupture, she might be a far wealthier woman than she is today. According to Fashion Wire Daily, Turner has insured her prize rack for $790,000 in preparation for her upcoming European tour. She also insured her lips and face for $790,000, voice for $3.16 million and gams for $1.58 million -- apiece. And I'll bet the premiums were an arm and a leg. - - - - - - - - - - - - Raw confessions on the half shell "I like oysters! I'm afraid they really are for real a wonderful feeling in your mouth. Am I a lesbian?" -- Amy Irving on foods that turn her on and sexual orientation, in the New York Observer. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Think Pink? Not Kevin Spacey. The actor says he's nowhere near signing on to slip into the late Peter Sellers' shoes as Inspector Clouseau in a new Pink Panther flick. "I'm pouring cold water on it because I'm not doing it," Spacey told the BBC. Then again, he added, he might consider taking on the role if he decides the writers have "really done something here that's not an imitation, because I wouldn't want to do that." So rest easy, Mr. Sellers. It's been nine years since Anita Hill made "pubic hair on a Coke can" a household phrase during Clarence Thomas' Senate hearings. So how does she feel about Thomas now? "My feelings about Clarence Thomas are really pretty minimal," she told Court TV's Catherine Crier last week. "I don't think about Clarence Thomas so much as I do think about that position on the Supreme Court ... I don't think he's been a particularly effective judge." Then again, she said, "I don't particularly think I'm unbiased in my assessment of that." Does trouble follow Erin Brockovich around like toilet paper on her shoe or what? The ex-husband and ex-boyfriend of the woman who inspired Julia Roberts to show more cleavage than you could shake a legal brief at were arrested and charged with attempting to extort $310,000 from her last week. Shawn Brown and Jorg Halaby allegedly threatened to tell tabloid papers that Brockovich had had sex with her boss Ed Masry and that she was an unfit mother if Brockovich and Masry didn't cough up the dough. But -- doh! -- their attempted shakedown was captured on videotape. In a joint statement, Brockovich and Masry said, "Unfortunately, part of the price you pay for becoming well-known these days is that unscrupulous people try to take advantage of you." So don't even try to blame her miniskirts. What some actresses will do to promote their movies! Last week, Ashley Judd announced her engagement to Indy driver Dario Franchitti. No wedding date has been set, and the two have been engaged since December. Judd's new movie, "Where the Heart Is," opened on Friday. Coincidence? I think not.
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