Lord knows enough other people are shouting that theory out loud and proud. It's been weeks since MSNBC's Jeannette Walls broke the rumor that Ellen DeGeneres' ex was all knocked up with no place to go. Walls even proclaimed in front of a group of fellow gossip columnists that she felt pretty darn confident the rumor was true. The whispers have been building, and now, Star magazine, that bastion of careful reporting, has run a photo of the actress formerly known as a lesbian looking suspiciously with child.

"Her belly is beginning to show," one of Heche's friends has apparently told the Star. "It's becoming obvious that Anne is pregnant ... She's extremely happy at the thought of being a mother."

Sources on the set of Heche's film "John Q" say she's been acting suspiciously maternal -- including arriving late for filming one day "because she had been window-shopping at a baby store."

But the actress's manager insists that her client's oven is bun-free and that Heche is only beefing up a little at her suggestion. Then again, she's probably the same one who insisted that the actress's infamous Fresno freakout was onaccounta sunstroke.

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Wax on, wax off

"They gave out awards for everything but Best Bikini Wax, which Donatella Versace would have won. She's so fabulous, she probably gets her wax job done on her private plane. She probably has a director of waxing."

-- Fashion guru Steven Cojocaru on the VH1/Vogue Fashion Awards, in Spin.

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Serenity now!

Perhaps you've been wondering what "Seinfeld" pops Frank Costanza would think of Ben & Jerry's new limited-edition ice cream, Festivus, named after the holiday he created.

Sadly, you may never know. (Serenity now!) But Jerry Stiller, who played Costanza, is willing to offer an opinion on the brown sugar, cinnamon and gingerbread-flavored dessert. "Festivus has no flavor, except maybe that of an aluminum pole," he tells TV Guide. "Festivus is not about commercializing, and it's becoming just another thing that comes in a package."

Still, he has high hopes for the holiday that encourages participants to air the grievances they've collected from the previous year. "In the end, I think Festivus will survive," he predicts, "just like the other great religions."

What's more, he adds, "If Ben & Jerry's would like to send a Festivus gift of ice cream, my wife, Anne Meara, would love it; and certainly I would steal a taste."

Save some for the rest of us.

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Celebrity math

"Just the two of us being known, coming together that makes, like, six. It just makes it so much bigger."

-- Catherine Zeta-Jones, putting forth the theory that, when you're famous, one plus one equals six.

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A chance at chancellor

Just because President Clinton's put the kibosh on those pesky rumors that he's considering a run for mayor of New York ("He already has the second-toughest job in politics, so why would he want the first?" said White House spokesman Jake Siewert) doesn't mean he won't consider other leadership positions.

Word out of the U.K. is that Clinton is a favorite to become the next chancellor of Oxford University, a largely ceremonial but highly prestigious position at the university he attended as a Rhodes scholar. According to the U.K. Express, Clinton has a number of supporters within the group responsible for making the appointment, and the move would likely earn PM Tony Blair's heartfelt support.

"President Clinton would be a fantastic choice," Emily Mortimer, actress and daughter of "Rumpole of the Bailey" creator John Mortimer, told the paper. "He has just run the United States and so being in charge of Oxford University would be well within his capabilities."

And Democratic Party analyst Hank Sheinkopf commented, "As long as a job like that didn't interfere with his ability to make money, then he'd probably go for it."

How noble.

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Juicy bits

Sad news. You may never belt out Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend" with unmitigated joy again. The '80s band's bassist, Scott Smith, is feared lost at sea after a wave swept him off his 37-foot sailboat on Thursday as it sailed about 4 miles off San Francisco's Ocean Beach. The Coast Guard has spent days searching for him without success, and it is unlikely that he would have been able to survive in the churning waters for longer than a few hours.

And speaking of memorable TV moments, former Guns 'N' Roses guitarist Slash apparently sent U.K. telly watchers into a tizzy this weekend by using the F-word on a Saturday morning British children's TV show. Asked to name the most bizarre rumor that had ever been spread about him, Slash told audiences about an iguana that "bit the fuck out of me." Um ... slash that.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

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