Eminem's mom.

"I don’t think they'll ever really split up, hon," Debbie Mathers told me over the phone recently.

Which is not to say she's thrilled at the news. Mathers, who has a lawsuit pending against her son, believes her daughter-in-law is primarily to blame for the lingering intrafamily animosity, which she's trying to dispel with the recent release of her own three-song CD, "ID-X -- Set the Record Straight."

"It was mainly his girl that got everything started," Mathers says. "She's been a big thorn in my side for many years."

Marshall's mom contends that Kim has "brainwashed" her son. "Kim is very insecure, and she does not want any women in my son's life, including me," she says. "I think there's a little bit of jealousy that has been shown at times about her daughter and Marshall, because Marshall idolizes that baby."

However, it's purportedly for the sake of their daughter, Hailie Jade, who turns 4 on Christmas Day, that the couple has decided to reconcile.

"It's going to be a happy holiday, a happy new year for them," predicts Eminem's lawyer, Harvey Hauer.

But possibly not for Debbie Mathers. "I always send a present," she tells me. "I was sending, like, a check before, and it was laughed at. Kim would send it back or just tear it up."

And if Mathers wins her multimillion-dollar defamation suit against her son, just think of the big checks Kim'll get to tear up.

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From the not-invited-to-Bette's-tree-trimming files?

"If you ever hear that there is a show called 'Helen,' shoot me, will you please?"

-- Helen Hunt on the wave of self-titled, self-involved shows starring celebrities as themselves.

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Coleman's new cause

Stand back. Gary Coleman's mad as hell and he's not gonna take it anymore.

The target of the former child star's ire? Scooters.

"Everyone hates those damned things!" says Coleman. "They are a damned nuisance. Besides, when I see a grown man with a tie on a scooter, I think loser."

And whether or not it takes one to know one, Coleman is taking action. Backed by UGO.com, for which he writes a column, the little feller will hit the streets of New York to collect signatures on a petition calling for a referendum preventing scooters on city sidewalks.

"He's approaching strangers with a team of other people and asking them to sign," Sabine Heller, a spokeswoman for UGO, tells me. But Coleman's grudge against the flashy wheels is bigger than New York; he's also planning to blitz the airwaves to lobby for a similar referendum in Los Angeles.

So much for all that "diff'rent strokes to move the world" stuff.

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Taking a page from Groucho Marx

"I would not want to live in a country that would have me as a leader in any sort of political bent."

-- Tom Hanks, dismissing speculation that he might be eyeing a career in politics, on "60 Minutes."

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Juicy bits

No, no, no! Reports that Geri Halliwell went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting in Los Angeles because of an ongoing struggle with her own eating disorder are w-r-o-n-g, according to her spokesman, Jonathan Hackford. He says what the erstwhile Ginger Spice wanted -- what she really, really wanted -- was to, you know, help out the other overeaters. "She's never been happier or healthier in her life," Hackford told the press. "She went by to give a bit of moral support." And I'm eating this pizza because I want to save the whales.

If you think you'd have to be crazy to stalk Gwyneth Paltrow, you're right. Dante Soiu, a 49-year-old Ohio man who'd been sending the actress packages, flowers, candy, pizza and pornography since March 1999 and was twice found lurking outside her parents' home, was deemed legally insane and sent to a secure psychiatric facility until he proves himself stable, Reuters reports. Soiu's attentions apparently so spooked Paltrow that, according to her testimony, she began to have nightmares about being sexually assaulted. But when he heard the verdict, Soiu reportedly remarked, "If a man gives a woman unconditional love, she is blessed."

Can we blame Anne Heche for this? Ellen DeGeneres is set to appear on NBC's "Will & Grace" as ... a nun. Sister DeGeneres will drop into the sitcom as a guest during February sweeps, according to TV Guide. But -- who knows? -- maybe it'll turn into a regular thing? Roles like these can be ... habit forming.

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