In a piece in this week's New Yorker detailing the long-running swipe-fest between cartoonist Garry Trudeau and the incoming first family, George Bush père was quoted as saying, "That Doonesbury -- he speaks for a bunch of brie-tasting, chardonnay-sipping elitists!"

Coming from a pork rind-eating elitist with an aversion to cancer-fighting leafy greens, the problem is presumably with elitist foodstuffs more than it is with actual members of the ruling class. And incoming offspring George W. apparently shares Poppy's penchant for consuming all parts of the animal.

According to Grady Spears, Texas chef and author of "A Cowboy in the Kitchen," the president-elect is loco for bull nuts. The Texas specialty, known by the mercifully euphemistic name of "calf-fries," is nothing more and nothing less than a mess of deep-fried bull testes. Chef Spears, who served the dish often for Mr. and Mrs. Bush when the former was governor of Texas, told Wireless Newsflash, "The plates came back pretty empty."

Those poor Bush girls -- it's hard to imagine what's worse: Jenna and Barbara watching better-looking versions of themselves making out on Comedy Central's upcoming "Family First," being dressed by "New York" Texas designer Lela Rose (whose creations include a "sunburst pantsuit") or being denied dessert until they finish their testicles. (Luckily, trusty dog Spot will be relocating to the White House.)

If these are the sort of style and entertainment trends we can expect to be set during the Restoration, the next four years promise to be choads more fun than originally thought. Though taurine cojones will not be on the menu at the upcoming Tex-Mex Inaugural Ball, Spears says he hopes to serve the gonads at a future state dinner.

This should make the Bushes as legendary for their parties as they are for their fashion sense. But it's got to be hard being a down-home, aw-shucks Republican gazillionaire. No matter how much money you have, you can't spend it on anything decent. According to Liz Smith, James Baker (not that one), creative director of the Texas special events company Richard Flowers & Associates Inc., claims the bash will once and for all "prove that we can go to a gala in a tuxedo and boots without it being Podunk!''

Well, gollee! And how exactly will they do that?

Smith also reports that an invitation going around for a juvenile diabetes fundraiser imitates the cover of the fashion magazine W and features a picture of Laura Bush's head superimposed on a model's body. The invite calls Bush "a fashion trendsetter with liberal ideas for a conservative dresser."

But as USA Today eloquently put it, "Bush, like all soon-to-be first ladies, faces a typical conundrum: how to dress elegantly enough for the state dinner circuit without alienating the very folks who voted for her husband."

You know, all those enchilada-tasting male bovine nut-chomping elitists.

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