Five reasons I believe in God:

1. Once got overpaid by pawnbroker -- enough for extra week at cheap hotel.

2. Makes prayer slightly less ridiculous.

3. What if he exists and he's a sonofabitch?

4. Drinking problem (higher power thing).

5. It's a cool secret, like wearing no underwear.

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Five reasons I don't believe in God:

1. Prayed daily for X-ray vision; still can't see through dresses.

2. Any true, loving God would destroy Radio Shack.

3. Stiffed repeatedly by his advance people for one-on-one interview; had to settle for phoner from airport.

4. Those collars; those robes; that music.

5. Baptists.