Sen. Joseph Lieberman as Al Gore's vice president? The first Jew on the national ticket? Finally! said the wise old hoot-owl agents who gather with their unlit cigars every afternoon in the bar of the Regent Beverly Wilshire. One of ours! A daring strike against narrow-minded bigots ... like the ones in South Carolina who played the Jewish card against Warren Rudman and ice-picked John McCain.

But wait! said the hoot owls' younger counterparts, dressed in their Prada suits, cellphones stuck to their ears at the Ivy. Sen. Joseph Lieberman as Al Gore's vice president? The Joe Lieberman who betrayed hometown hero Bill Clinton by calling his actions "immoral ... harmful ... unacceptable"? The Joe Lieberman who joined with Mount Rushmore candidate Bill Bennett to award "Silver Sewer" awards to entertainment entities? The Joe Lieberman who called himself a "culture warrior" and talked about "the increasingly toxic popular culture"? The Joe Lieberman who said "Friends" should be shown in movie theaters or late at night on television? The Joe Lieberman who seemed to be using Bob Dole's old speeches as he railed against sex and violence in Hollywood productions?

Holy smoke, what kind of daring statement against narrow-minded bigots was this? The old guys at the Regent Beverly Wilshire were suddenly mumbling to themselves after hearing from their whippersnapper colleagues.

OK, Lieberman might be Jewish, but they saw on TV that even Jerry Falwell was praising him. So he was one of ours -- but cutesy with Bennett, praised by Falwell, voted once with Jesse Helms?

Two days after Al Gore's Lieberman announcement, a lot of people in town were absolutely reeling. This was a quandary worse than whether to pay Adam Sandler the 20 mil for his next picture, worse than trying to decide between Wolfgang and Along Comes Mary for the next tent party.

Was Joe Lieberman one of ours or was he not? Is a milestone civil rights breakthrough worth the price of a Silver Sewer award? Was Sen. Lieberman, the civil rights milestone, a Trojan Horse ridden into Hollywood by the prudish Tipper?

There was even a quote from Sen. Lieberman in the newspapers that said, "Hollywood doesn't understand piety." Piety? What was there to understand? Piety didn't sell, period, unless you dressed it as "E.T." No one was talking about remaking "The Ten Commandments." All the Tibet movies failed, even Marty Scorsese's, though half the town went to His Holiness the Dalai Lama's reception. The last pious movie that blockbustered was "The Exorcist," and that was helped by the pea soup.

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