Tipper then said Vice President "Al Gore is your voice" although it is physically impossible for the voices of several thousand Wisconsinites to manifest themselves into one man.

And even if one were to take Tipper's statement figuratively, it is unlikely that the estimated 5,000 rally attendees would be able to agree unanimously on one voice. Let alone Gore's, which can sometimes sound a little prissy.

Gore himself then took to the stage and, basking in the glow of a warm autumn afternoon, thanked "all the folks who took special care to make a perfect day."

In actuality, no human being can affect the weather in such a way. As Gov. George W. Bush pointed out during the second presidential debate, scientists aren't 100 percent unanimous about long-term effects as such when it comes to studies of global warming.

Gore then referred to Tipper as his "soulmate," though poets disagree about whether soulmates even exist.

Gore also referred to the rock group Better Than Ezra, which had warmed up the crowd, as "a great group," even though rock critics assess Better Than Ezra to be no more than a pretty good group.

As Gore continued with his speech -- some of which I'm pretty sure discussed Bush's record in Texas -- a few dozen Wisconsin supporters sat behind him, four of whom were wearing "cheesehead" hats.

Closer inspection, however, revealed that the citizens' heads were not actually made of Swiss cheese.

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