Regarding sex, straight men are doomed to crave women with hourglass figures and a symmetrical face and women burn for hunks with symmetrical faces and big, big ... wallets.

Burnham and Phelan verify that most clichés about human sexuality are, in fact, true. Unfortunately, this accomplishment is marred by references to things other than human genetics. For example, they begin the sex section by stating the truism that women are regulators of men's insatiable sex drives. They then amplify the idea by describing crickets.

Yes. Crickets. Apparently, a male cricket ejaculates a quarter of his body weight. If a man shot as much, his hunk of burnin' love would equal 50 pounds. After two pages of cricket love, a reader asks, "What does this have to do with a man's genetic structure?" Apparently, if a guy ejaculated 50 pounds of semen, he'd be less inclined to have sex at the drop of a hat. Hmmm. Sure about that? After talking with Phelan, he elaborated that a 50-pound ejaculation is the metaphorical equivalent of being pregnant for nine months.

Women, can a guy be so wrong? Write me if I'm mistaken, but the only thing equivalent to being pregnant is being pregnant. If men were the ones who got pregnant only then would they be less inclined to jump into the sack like rabbits. And in regard to God's other creatures -- if animal life must be mentioned, the male sea horse (who is the one who carries the egg to gestation) is a more appropriate comparison than Jiminy Cricket. But referring to insects or fish in a self-help book about human genes confuses more than it clarifies. "Mean Genes" is more Ripley's "Believe It or Not," than Ann Landers with a Ph.D. This is a failed self-help book.

Are you smarter than Terry [Burnham]?

Unfortunately, I'm not.

Whose idea was the book?

We lived in the same building as graduate students at Harvard and all of our conversations were about this subject. It seemed like the obvious thing: "Of course we should be writing a book about it."

Are you married?

Yes. I just had my 11th anniversary.

Do you cheat on your wife?

No. I'm very happy about that. That's one of the odd things that pushed me into writing this book in the first place. I was teaching all these non-science majors at Harvard and they said, "You're teaching us that humans are not the best at monogamy and yet you choose to be married. What's going on there?" One of the great things I've learned over the process of writing this book is when people are weak and when they are likely to break down and cheat. It allows me to see where the potholes are. Even if I'm attracted to another woman, I understand that I'm not a bad person or weak. This just means that I'm human. And then the subtitle of the book is "Taming our Primal Instincts." All of us have this big cerebral cortex that allows us to say, "This is where my genes are pushing me." I say, "Hey, I want to be monogamous anyway." And with a little bit of effort and a great wife, it turns out to be not that hard for me.

What about your partner?

Terry is single.

So he can cheat.

Terry is actually very proud of the fact that he's never cheated on a girlfriend.

Do you give book readings?

We do.

So when a woman comes up to you, and says how much she likes your book, and her eyes are dilated, you immediately catch that, right? [This, according to some researchers, is a sure sign that a woman wants to sleep with a man, and straight guys always respond consciously or, more often, subconsciously.]

It makes me very happy.

But don't you want to hold up a cross to ward her off like some vampire?

No, no. One of the things we say right at the end of the book, "It's not about squelching all of your passions. You can enjoy them." There's nothing wrong with someone finding you attractive. If a woman were coming right out and saying, "I'm really attracted to you because this book is so great," that would be great. I wouldn't have to have sex with her.

Private Life Romance, relationships, and the personal side of Table Talk