King Kaufman's Sports Daily

Barry Bonds' television "reality": Just a nice guy everybody hates for some reason. Plus: Maryland wins the Tournament.

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April 5, 2006 | So I watched the premiere of Barry Bonds' vanity reality show, "Bonds on Bonds," on ESPN2 Tuesday and I feel like I understand a lot more about Bonds and the whole steroids controversy now.

It turns out he's just a really nice guy who jokes easily with his teammates, finds himself amused by such silliness as a cameraman standing in his driveway -- "The paparazzi! That's for like Paris Hilton and stuff like that. I ain't that good-looking!" -- warmly greets fans at traffic lights and is really sweet to Dusty Baker's kid.

Barry's admittedly tough on media guys, but what do you expect? I mean, get this: There's all these steroid allegations media guys keep making, in books, on TV, in newspaper and magazine stories, over and over, pretty much for no reason at all.

Media guys apparently do it to amuse themselves. "They needed a villain, you know, so I became the villain all the time," he says.

Being the villain really doesn't matter to Barry. He just concentrates on baseball anyway. And his family. Don't forget the family.

It's a deeply strange show. It probably provides some kind of clue into Bonds' mindset if you've got the Psych 1 chops and nothing better to do than look for clues to Bonds' mindset in his vanity show. It's an interesting and -- really, I can't stress this enough -- deeply strange mix of self-glorification, self-pity, brutal frankness, borderline delusional denial and good old-fashioned spin.

Oh, and I should mention the narcissism. Kind of goes without saying, this being a vanity TV series and all. And when I say denial, I don't mean denial of the steroid allegations, which Bonds doesn't address directly. I mean denial as in not just a river in Egypt, honey.

Bonds, who controls the content of the 10-episode series, is as much a virtuoso at the celebrity narcissist two-step as he is at swatting a baseball.

Allow me to lay out the dance steps:

1. I don't care what anybody thinks of me. I'm a big jerk, that's right, sure. Whatever. Think what you want.

2. Look, here's a picture of me cuddling on the couch with my daughter.

3. Fire away, haters, your measly opinions mean nothing to me.

4. Now we have video of me choking up as I describe how hard it is to be me. Don't you feel sorry for me? Isn't it great how I stand up to the intense pressure, never burden anyone with my pain? Can you see my pain, and how I don't burden anyone with it?

5. Have I mentioned how little I care what you think of me?

Next page: Credit Bonds for letting his critics speak. But does he realize he still comes off looking bad? Plus: Maryland wins NCAA title