Now whether you love Springsteen or not, I want you to think about all the things you know about him and all the things you might have guessed. Of course we don't really know celebrities we've never met, but come on, a guy like Springsteen, who's written hundreds of often personal songs and given thousands of interviews and been the subject of more thousands of profiles and the occasional academic symposium over a 35-year-plus recording career, we have a pretty good idea if we want to have one, don't we?
So come on, biggest Springsteen fans in the world: Did you ever once imagine that the guy is into curling? Reportedly.
In a follow-up piece Tuesday, Zelkovich writes that if the two Jersey rockers are dumb enough to pass up this obvious career move, "there's a long list of celebrities who've hurried hard at one time or another, according to thecurlingnews.com." I love it when Canadians talk curling.
This column, not a Canadian, was unable to find that report on that Web site, but was able to enjoy this headline: "Regina will rock! Can any Scotties Hotties upset the Kelly show?"
Curling is big on wordplay involving the word "rock," you see. That's why Springsteen's such an obvious fit. He's big on wordplay involving the word "Mary."
The list of third-choice hosts, according to Zelkovich, includes country singer Toby Keith, who digs the rock, as well as Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has publicly curled before. American skier Picabo Street and speedskater Dan Jansen competed in a made-for-TV curling event last year, the Sun reports. That one obviously did boffo ratings.
Picabo Street, if I may digress again, is my second favorite winter Olympics subject, after curling. In my musician days I made up a song inspired by her name: "Peekaboo Street." My baby lived on it. It was writing songs like that that made me the man I am today: a former musician.
A far more likely choice, and I'd bet a better host, would be Bill Clement, the hockey commentator and former player who loves him some curling.
But I want to throw my hat in the ring, or slide my stone in the house, or something. I would venture that this column is the sport's most enthusiastic proponent in the American mainstream national media, except maybe Bill Clement, who once almost kissed Jim Lampley on the mouth on NBC in his excitement over Olympic curling.
I've even thrown stones, and, unlike with Springsteen, Bon Jovi or even Picabo Street, I wouldn't detract from the curling excitement with any of that pesky star power.
"Rockstar Curling" figures to air on Saturday afternoons leading up the Olympics in 2010. I'm free. I think the American viewing public would love me.
Then again, they wouldn't really know me.
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About the writer
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com or visit his Facebook page.
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