"Wow," New York Times sportswriter Jack Curry blogs that Roger Clemens said to the clump of reporters who tried to talk to him as he arrived at the Houston Astros spring training complex Wednesday, "you guys need to get a life."
Wow.
Excuse me, Roger Clemens, but aren't you the guy who called a press conference to make your denials of steroid use alleged in the Mitchell Report? Wasn't that you talking to reporter Mike Wallace, at your own request, about the same subject on "60 Minutes"?
This is classic celebrity hypocrisy. The media is all well and fine when you want to sell something or polish your image so you can sell something later or deny some accusation that's going to make it difficult for you to sell things. But when you're done using it, it's populated by a bunch of losers and predators who need to get a life and stop following you around and harassing you and bothering you and why don't they find something else to write about and there ought to be a law.
Listen up, celebrities, I'm talking to you: You cannot use the media for your own needs and expect it to leave you alone when you're satisfied.
The ladies and gentlemen of the fourth estate are, collectively, a hulking greasy monster that sits by the side of the road waiting for something to move. It's possible, if the situation lends itself and you do it right and you're lucky, to use that hulking greasy monster for your own ends. But if you do that, the monster's going to become interested in whatever you do, because you've showed it that you move, and it's been sitting there waiting for something to move, remember?
So you don't get to use the monster to achieve whatever it is you're trying to achieve and then say, "Why is this greasy monster following me around? Get it away from me!" It's just not how the world works. Sorry.
This isn't new. This is how it has been since the cameras had those exploding flash bulbs. Maybe longer. Once he got a little famous, Socrates probably kept trying to ditch that pest Plato.
So of course we shouldn't expect anything more from Roger Clemens. Has Clemens ever committed a public act that didn't make him look like a complete jerk?
Of course he has. He's been a pitcher. We could talk about how good he was at that, but you know, I think I'll go get a life instead.
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Post-Traumatic Overachievement [PERMALINK]
The Houston Rockets season is over, you say? They responded to the loss of Yao Ming for the season by hammering the Washington Wizards 94-69 Tuesday night.
Their season is still over.
What happened Tuesday was an illustration of the Kaufman Theory of Post-Traumatic Overachievement. Teams that lose a star player often respond by playing well in the first game without him. They "step up," in the parlance of coaches, who always say, as Rockets coach Rick Adelman did in so many words, that that's what the injured star's mates must do.
But if those other guys were capable of stepping up for more than just a short, emotional burst, why hadn't they already? Why weren't the Rockets not just winning but blowing people away with all these players capable of playing better, plus Yao.
The Rockets have the seventh best record in the Western Conference, with a healthy lead of two and a half games over Golden State and three over Denver and either 25 or 26 games remaining for all three teams. Only two of them will make the playoffs.
You have to admire the way the Rockets responded to their devastating news Tuesday, but the KTPTO says they're going to be the odd team out in April. That's the prediction from here.
Previous column: Cheating liars and lying cheaters
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About the writer
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com or visit his Facebook page.
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