Number of times since May 5 that disappointing former first-round draft pick Cedric Benson of the Chicago Bears has been arrested for allegedly boating while intoxicated: 1

Number of times this overused gambit will be used again to try to get a cheap laugh: 0

Number of times since Saturday that Benson has been arrested for allegedly driving a car while intoxicated: 1

Number of NFL teams that employ Benson following his latest arrest: 0

Number, since his latest arrest, of columnists, bloggers, commenters, commentators, letter writers, radio hosts, radio callers and barstool sitters who have used some variation of a joke about Benson going for a land-sea-air DUI trifecta by commandeering an airplane: 36,734,862

Number of typists whose caricature appears above left who would have done the same if the last number had been lower than 30 million: 1