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Prayers for the digital age

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By Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau

May 8, 1999 | JUDGES' COMMENTS

To whom will you bow your head when the screen goes black? We asked readers to create prayers, blessings, etc., for the spiritual moments in our high-tech lives. Few of you took up the challenge (are our readers all unbelievers?), but those who did devised some funny stuff.

THE WINNER:

Microsoft is my shepherd, I shall not stray.
it leadeth me to Where I Want To Go Today.
-- "RL"

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Now I log me off to sleep,
I pray the Lord my disk to keep,
If it should crash before I wake,
I pray the Lord my disk to take.
-- Steve Glassman

Father forgive me for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last backup.
-- "RL"

Think what you will, but when dealing with dysfunctional computers and/or reluctant software, I sometimes "sacrifice" a floppy disk. "Oh Great Gods of Computing, please accept this humble sacrifice and prevent my hard disk from seizure and my RAM from failure." [smash disk, set it in front of machine] I don't take it too seriously, but it seems to work better than most tech support solutions.
-- Ernest Justin Pratt

Praise the Lord and pass the documentation.
-- Steve Glassman

Now I send my drives to sleep,
Maintain my data, Lord, and keep
My ISP from harm as well,
And save us both from You-KnO-L.
-- John M. Ford

Thanks for taking the 21st Challenge. Check back in two weeks for another contest.
salon.com | May 8, 1999

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About the writer
Charlie Varon is a humorist and playwright. His works include "Ralph Nader Is Missing" and "Rush Limbaugh in Night School." Jim Rosenau is a writer, editor and software designer in Berkeley, Calif. Jim and Charlie are also co-founders of the citizens group Californians for Earthquake Prevention and partners in Mockingbird Media, which offers a full line of comic services.

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