Ask the pilot

From hungry lions to an in-flight striptease, the best and worst of airline advertising.

By Patrick Smith

Read more: Technology & Business, Business, P. Smith, Ask the Pilot

June 23, 2006 | Have a look at this, and tell me what you think. It's from SN Brussels Airlines, the de facto national carrier of Belgium.

When I first clicked over, I wanted to believe there was something daringly humorous about the idea of three lions chewing an upended airplane seat. I conclude there is not. The image is simply disturbing. Omit the logo and tool bars and present it to a hundred people, and 95 of them will see exactly what I see: the wreckage of a jetliner crash somewhere in the wilds of Eastern or Southern Africa. Heck, there are even clots of grass and a swath of scraped-up earth tracing the chair's path as it bounded from the shattered fuselage -- which presumably is just out of the frame. The picture is scarily reminiscent of those taken at Lockerbie, Scotland, in 1988, depicting semi-intact seats that had fallen from the plummeting hulk of Pan Am 103.

There are few hard-and-fast commandments dictating the protocols of air carrier advertising, but there is one to be ignored at considerable and lasting peril: Thou shalt not portray wreckage, or anything that might be construed as such, in your promotional copy. Though, if nothing else, at least we're spared the bloodied remains of the seat's occupant. I can't imagine lions have much of an appetite for fabric and plastic, so somebody must have been sitting there. This unfortunate soul has either been flung from view or, good grief, been devoured by the hungry cats, right down to his (or her) sneakers and underwear.

If there's credit due for anything, it's for not being squeamish. Try to imagine Northwest or United laying out a pitch like that. When it comes to advertising, airlines in general, and especially those in the United States, aren't particularly bold, tending to err on the stodgy, formulaic side.

It's enough to make us nostalgic for the old National Airlines "Fly Me" campaign of the early 1970s. "I'm Lorraine," a seductively posed stewardess would say to the camera. "Fly me to Orlando." Braniff Airways had a similar pitch, called the "Air Strip," showing attractive young stewardesses changing uniforms midflight to the sound of suggestive music. Now that was edgy, and maybe a bit tasteless -- without reminding anybody of death or crashing.

If there's a certain sameness to airline advertisements nowadays, it's probably because carriers don't have much to work with -- for the simple reason that most of them sell essentially the same product. Where and when differences arise, competitors are quick to capitalize. JetBlue, one of the few players known to get quirky and nudge the envelope, fancies itself the progressive nonconformist, with an emphasis on customer service. "We like you too," JetBlue tells its customers (a bit presumptuous, maybe, and a highly capable slogan for just that reason). Southwest, for its part, relentlessly exploits the niche of super-low fares and user-friendly access at outlying airports. (Notice I say relentlessly, for after hearing that infernal "BING! You Are Now Free to Move About the Country" tag more times than I've heard my own name, I propose that Southwest's entire corporate board be strapped into chairs and fed to starving lions.)

For the legacy airlines, ammo is limited. They all fly to pretty much the same places (either directly or via their alliance partners), for roughly the same fares, with the same lackluster service. How to differentiate themselves? With scattered exceptions, they hardly try.

One of those exceptions, about 10 years ago, was a United Airlines TV ad celebrating the carrier's new routes into Central and South America. The commercial starred a tropical parrot. Perched on a piano keyboard, the bird pecked out United's signature music, George Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue." It was artful, amusing and effective. We don't often think of airlines having theme songs, but "Rhapsody" is a good one, and has remained as United's catchy musical accompaniment.

But possibly the most memorable airline commercial I ever saw, if not entirely for the intended reasons, was the 1989 "winking eye" spot from British Airways. Conceived by the Saatchi and Saatchi agency and directed by Hugh Hudson ("Chariots of Fire"), the commercial featured hundreds of people costumed to represent various world cultures, assembled in a dramatic, lion-free landscape near Salt Lake City. The voice-over was from actor Tom Conti; the score, from Léo Delibes' opera "Lakmé," was adapted by Malcolm McLaren. Seen from high above, the actors took on the shape of a gigantic face, which through the magic of carefully timed choreography proceeded to "wink."

It was a stunning and altogether creepy 30 seconds. Very clever, but I get nervous when masses of oddly dressed people are winking at me. What's worse, I forever associate British Airways with footage of the crowds in North Korean stadiums forming those enormous profiles of the Dear Leader.

Still not as bad as the lions. SN Brussels -- we'll get to the company's odd name in a minute -- clearly could use some tutelage on how to bother people. The lions bit isn't even campy, the way European advertisements often look and sound to Americans. There's nothing of the "Mentos effect," to coin a phrase, in their efforts.

Next page: JetBlue surely missed an opportunity by not calling itself "B6 New York Airways"