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Recently in Salon Technology

Technology: View from the top
"Competitive strategy is not an end in itself"
HearMe's Paul Matteucci talks about the future, the Stanford mafia and what Silicon millionaires are going to do with their money.
By Mark Gimein
[01/04/00]

Review
Take three
We test three new digital video cameras in an homage to film noir.
By Heather Mund
[12/31/99]

Frequently asked questions to end the millennium
Uncertainty surrounds a bug that could cause computers to confuse the year 2000 with 1900. This FAQ will do nothing to change that.
By Scott Kirsner
[12/27/99]

Saint Nick sells out
In the year of e-Christmas what would you expect?
By Joe Kelleher
[12/24/99]

Can Linux billionaires carry the free-software torch?
As dot-com mania sends shares in open-source companies soaring, the movement searches its soul.
By Andrew Leonard
[12/23/99]

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Computer couture

As we leave the gray depths of the 20th century for the Bondi Blue sky of a radiant future, we'll be thinking really different. Look for beige computer boxes to be replaced by a rainbow of colors, as computer manufacturers partner with candy and cereal makers. Don't be surprised when Dell starts a Froot Loops line and Emachines, furiously looking for the Gen-Y angle, starts selling a Pentium III-powered Starburst line. Big Blue, of course, will launch a new line of ThinkPads in five tangy flavors: blueberry, blueberry, blueberry, blueberry and, yes, blueberry.

But don't think colors will be enough for true fashionistas. Gateway will abandon plans for a line of laptops decorated with its trademark Holstein splotches, opting instead for genuine cowhide coverings. But it will be the Be operating system that really comes into its own. BeOS creator Jean-Louis Gassée will team with fellow Frenchman Jean Paul Gaultier on a new BeOS-powered machine decorated with superfluous and scary-looking belts and buckles.

'Cuz pets can't drive

Inspired by that hand-puppet pooch singing "Spinning Wheel" on TV, e-commerce entrepreneurs will unleash a pack of pet portals across the Web. By late spring we'll be reading of violence spawned by the 25 new pet-supply sites: pet portal representatives will come to blows in public parks as they vie to pass out their branded pooper-scoopers. But the market will cheer on this competitive spirit and by mid-summer pet-portal stocks will incite a new Wall Street frenzy, with PetPooch.com making quick work of the VA Linux IPO to become the greatest first-day gainer in public offering history. Its record will last for no more than a week, however, before Biped-Pets.com hits the NASDAQ and rises 1,200 percent on its opening day. By October that record will have been successively laid to rest by Pettrific.com, Iguanas-and-piranhas.com and Petrified.com, while the massive traffic generated by the launch of CelebrityPets.com will slow the Net enough to disrupt day trading. Of course, those in the know will keep up with all this bitingly important activity by reading the Petly News.

Berlinification of Redmond

Microsoft will fail to reach a settlement with federal regulators and, boy, will Bill Gates regret it. Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson will not only break up Microsoft, but will install a military government in Redmond. Following high level negotiations at the World Trade Organization, Microsoft's campus will be "Berlinified," with British, French, Russian and American soldiers governing four occupied zones. Thanks to Madeleine Albright's careful diplomacy, the United States will wind up with control of the applications group, while the Russians will be stuck with the aging, soot-stained factories of the operating systems unit.

And what about Bill? Using a fraction of his stratospheric wealth, he will lure a few biogeneticists from Monsanto and put them to work creating bug-resistant clones of himself. (The future Microsoft leaders are an incredibly tough strain -- although they might suffer a chemical meltdown when ingesting pesticide-producing Monsanto potatoes.) Gates then retires and finally makes peace with Netscape founder Jim Clark. The two undertake a round-the-world voyage on Hyperion, Clark's ultra-computerized yacht, and head for Argentina, which Gates will have bought in a private transaction for an undisclosed sum; the tech duo are reportedly at work on a stand-up routine when they are lost at sea after a computer glitch sinks the 155-foot sailboat.

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