Salon.com > Beliebers

Justin Bieber attacked onstage in Dubai

Mon, 06 May 2013 16:15:00 +0000

Justin Bieber, a real person, has survived a hug/attack/tackle from a male fan who rushed him onstage at a concert in Dubai. The fan knocked over a piano in the process, but Bieber escaped without any harm. The singer took a three-minute break and returned to perform an encore, later tweeting: "Dubai. Nothing stops the show."

The resilient Bieber has so far survived a murder and castration plot, a fan stampede, several shirtless nights and heartbreak of losing his monkey.

And now, your daily dose of schadenfreude:

Norway schools reschedule exams to accommodate Justin Bieber concert

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 20:52:00 +0000

Teachers in Norway, the same country that nearly declared a state of emergency due to a Justin Bieber concert, have learned their lesson well; for Bieber's next concert in Oslo, five schools have rescheduled exams to accommodate the Bieber-crazed student body.

According to the AFP:

“We find it regrettable, but we preferred to move forward the Norwegian exams to avoid problems,” Roar Aasen, the headmaster of an upper secondary school in Aalesund on Norway’s west coast, told AFP.

In total, five schools in the town — more than a seven hours’ drive from Oslo — decided not to hold exams on April 16 and 17 since they coincided with two of Bieber’s three gigs in the Norwegian capital.

The tests, which would have been taken by around 500 pupils, will now be held on April 10 and 11.

After all, why would you take a test when you could join a stampede?

Time to commence “the Obama Games”!

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 20:55:00 +0000

Overview
Congratulations! Big fan. Look, I know you're busy. The fiscal cliff, Afghanistan, your recipes Pinterest, immigration, climate change, walking Bo -- we get it, you've got a lot on your mind. We're completely behind you. Solving America's tough problems will take months of hard work, though, and we need something from you right now. When I say "instant," you say "gratification." Instant! (I'm going to assume you said it.) We've been glued to this election for over two years -- nervously vibrating to a wobbly pitch of hope and fear. We need to come down, and not all of us live in Colorado. While you're facing all of our challenges, we're suffering a crippling intellectual and emotional attention deficit left behind by the election. I have an idea. Hear me out, because I made a few jokes on Twitter that obviously turned the election in your favor so I think you owe me. I see you nodding.