But there, alongside the pool at the Beverly Hilton, was her familiar figure, now burnished and super-tan in the manner of Hollywood brunettes, wearing 5-inch heels she told somebody later she bought on consignment.

Her wraparound sunglasses at dusk at an event otherwise boasting Matthew Perry, NeNe Leakes and the monkey from “Animal Practice” may have been the giveaway that this was someone who was trying to shy away from the limelight. Instead of a vice president, governor, candidate or even soccer mom, Sarah Palin looked instead like an anonymous trophy wife of a reality star, here amid the kind of Hollywood crowd she once publicly disdained.

A handful of reporters had crowded around Todd Palin to get his well-rehearsed take on the show (in which celebrities go through military operations alongside Special Operations forces, for entertainment and charity). It's produced by Dick Wolf and Mark Burnett, who also produced “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”

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Bristol Palin's son Tripp is 3 years old. And at an age when most children are mastering bowel control, the correct application of the indoor voice, and the distinction that Cheerios go in the mouth and not up the nose, young Master Palin has also clearly been working on his vocabulary. In a new clip from his eponymously titled Lifetime reality show "Life's a Tripp," Tripp pitches a meltdown as only a 3-year-old can, smacking his Aunt Willow, declaring "I hate you" to her and his mother, and capping it off by telling Willow, "Go away, you faggot. I don't like you." You what?

It's a word the Palin family already knows its way around. We noticed it nearly two years ago, when the sisters Palin leapt into a Facebook fight to defend her family's honor after a mutual friend named Tre critiqued "Sarah Palin's Alaska" as "failing so hard." First, Bristol declared Tre a "typical shit talker." Then, the then-16-year-old Willow had a few choice – and misspelled – words of her own, informing him that "Haha your so gay. I have no idea who you are, But what I've seen pictures of, your disgusting … My sister had a kid and is still hot … Tre stfu. Your such a faggot." See, when you lob the word "faggot" at someone on Facebook, eventually, someone who sleeps on Bob the Builder sheets is going to throw it right back in your face.

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On a Very Special Episode of Dr. Drew's new HLN show Thursday night, the woman whose status as a best-selling author has driven an entire continent of MFAs to torch their manuscripts and get drunk on lighter fluid will reveal "what she considers her biggest regret, how she betrayed her family, her relationship with her mother, her new look, and if she thinks abstinence can really work." I'm laying my money down on losing her virginity, losing her virginity, chin job, yes.

It also promises to be a typical evening of Dr. Drew's Helpy Helperton shtick, as a sneak preview reveals. And when Palin speaks of "a series of bad decisions," Dr. Drew quickly interjects, "Well, one of them was intoxicated. In California, that would be a rape. Is it the same in Alaska?" Because it's definitely the same in Drew Pinksy's head.

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1. Lady Gaga's dark secret: Biographer Ian Halperin is telling the world that Gaga is a sick drug addict who is obsessed with her weight.  OK, but is she really bisexual??

2. Bristol Palin questioned on "stolen virginity": Barbara Walters calls out the memoirist for her description of her first time having sex with Levi Johnston. Walters: "It must have been OK, because you kept on having sex with him, yeah?"

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Of course, Sarah Palin is not actually (yet) running for president, unlike Bachmann. It's still not clear that she will run for president. Palin's in Iowa promoting the third or fourth "premiere" of the silly documentary about how she used to be considered competent and independent. It's sort of sad. Dave Weigel's comparing Palin to Norma Desmond.

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The 20-year-old single mom reveals that, while drunk for the very first time, she lost her virginity to Levi Johnston during a camping trip.

Palin says she woke up alone in her tent, with no recollection as to what happened. Johnston, meanwhile, "talked with his friends on the other side of the canvas."

Snarky blog The Superficial put it in more salacious terms. "Bristol Palin is accusing Levi Johnston of rape!" reads its headline, but that's not really fair to Bristol. Sure, she calls Levi a "gnat" and quotes his reaction to the pregnancy news as "Better be a f***ing boy," (which ... classy!), but that's not Bristol calling it rape. Saying she doesn't remember the event isn't saying she was unconscious for it, just wasted.

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The DMs are not that outrageous or shocking, because we already all know that Palin and her inner-circle are paranoid and petty. It's news that they hate Mitt Romney? The fact that Palin's operation is an unprofessional cult of personality is public knowledge. But they're still entertaining for anyone fascinated by Palin and her camp.

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"Bristol Palin's face looks different, doesn't it?" asked Gawker, comparing before-and-after images of the eldest Palin daughter, noting her finer jawline. "What happened to Bristol Palin's face?" demanded Us Weekly. Salon's Drew Grant urged that we stop paying attention: "Yes, the daughter of reality show star and former V.P. candidate Sarah Palin has either dropped some weight, had a quick face transplant, or both. Though if we're being reasonable, let's sit down and consider whom it's helping when we spend our day dissecting the features of a 20-year-old girl."

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Well, hey, at least MTV is being more realistic than the abstinence-only message pushed by teen mom Bristol Palin.

It's strange, though. None of these moms – who are really only known to us because they are famous for having children at such a young age – say that they are happy with their decision. Of course that kind of message (Amber Portwood is glad she had a kid in high school!) wouldn't be likely to get very far, especially since MTV has positioned the show as more of a cautionary tale than a reality star haven. Plus, this is still a public service announcement after all, not a bad-idea machine.

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See, I have no problem with tearing apart Bristol about her role as an abstinence-only spokesperson when it's rife with hypocrisy; after all, didn't Bristol say after she had Tripp that she thought not having sex was unrealistic? But as far as I know, Bristol has never said anything about opposing plastic surgery. She isn't running for office or preparing to do any more TV shows, making her especially undeserving of the intense, mean-spirited media firestorm that envelops actresses when we start to wonder if their nose is looking a little more button-y.

Sure, it's hard to look away from the noticeable differences in Bristol's face. But as a Gawker commenter pointed out, the same outlets that called her fat eight months ago, when she was on "Dancing With the Stars," are now accusing her of having surgery. Go figure: During the week we kill bin Laden, it only takes four days until the Palins' minutiae starts dominating the news cycle again.

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Sarah Palin could soon be Sarah Palin®. The former Alaska governer and influential conservative leader has filed for a trademark on her name. So has her daughter Bristol. How come? Because they're worried someone might highjack the Palin brand.

What does that actually mean?

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Morgan: “I think Sarah Palin is good masturbation material! The glasses and all of that ... great masturbation material!”

The ebullient, gross response was met with childish giggles, nervous shifting, and co-host Ernie Johnson’s dyspeptic frown. Tracy had gone too far.

Kenny Smith was the one who objectified both Fey and Palin, though it was tacit and therefore OK. When Morgan brought the question to its natural conclusion, the comedian likely earned a life ban from TNT, and a bag full of frothing death threats. Had he simply chosen Fey, or Palin, the situation would have floated down the memory hole on a cloud of harmless jock cackles. Instead, Tracy’s unvarnished, lewd honesty revealed the unsavory nature of Kenny’s question line, and made Morgan a momentary pariah.

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In a move sure to make anyone paying $1,000 a month for a studio weep just a little, Miss Palin recently closed on a five-bedroom, 3,900-square-foot house in a development outside of Phoenix. The house, which went into foreclosure earlier this year, sold for $172,000 -- nearly half the amount the original owners paid just four years ago. Gangsta style, Palin paid cash for it, allegedly with her "Dancing with the Stars" earnings. She's reportedly making the move with an eye to attend Arizona State. 

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Willow Palin used a homophobic slur against a poster on her Facebook page who criticized her mother's new documentary series "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Then, she and Bristol engaged in a stream of offensive comments with posters who continued to slam the family.

Bristol ends her apologetic post by thanking those who are supporting "the great competition in Dancing with the Stars!" She is among three teams who made the finals this week.

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Steven Cowan, 67, of the town of Vermont, about 15 miles west of Madison, then pointed the gun at his wife, 66-year-old Janice Cowan, who escaped and called police, authorities said. A SWAT team surrounded the couple's farmhouse, and officers were able to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning after an all-night standoff.

Cowan had been drinking before he sat down to watch "Dancing with the Stars" and suffers from bipolar disorder, his wife told officers. He was charged Tuesday with second-degree reckless endangerment, and could be sentenced to up to 10 years in prison if convicted.

Bail was set at $1,500 for Cowan at his initial court appearance Wednesday in Madison. State Public Defender Jonas Bednarek, who represented Cowan, declined to comment. Cowan's preliminary hearing was set for Dec. 6.

Dane County Sheriff's Department spokeswoman Elise Schaffer said Cowan works as a landlord, but that she didn't know where he owned property. He has a clean criminal record, she said.

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However, throughout the first episode of the eight-part TLC documentary series beginning Sunday, Palin's outdoorsy image against the stunning scenery often plays nicely with her familiar political message.

One telling scene shows Palin and members of her family fishing near a bear and two frolicking cubs. Cut to the Tea Party darling and her self-sufficiency speech. For months, Palin has referred to strong Republican female candidates as "mama grizzlies."

"I love watching these mama bears," Palin tells the TLC camera. "They've got a nature, yeah, that humankind could learn from. She's trying to show her cubs, 'Nobody's gonna do it for ya. You get out there and do it yourself, guys.'"

Translation: Stop relying on government.

That scene and others are sure to suggest to some viewers that the former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee is positioning herself for a 2012 presidential run.

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Kimmel was referring, of course, to the juggernaut known as Miss Bristol Palin, America's unlikeliest dancing queen. And while his paranoia-stoking remarks drew laughs, they weren't far from the truth. Palin, the rhythm-challenged, occasionally gorilla-suited "teen advocate" has arrived dead last on "DWTS" the past two weeks, yet keeps coming back for more like Freddy Krueger in cha-cha heels. How can she keep bombing out and still remain to samba another day? Because the judges' scores only count for part of the story. The viewer votes constitute the other part, and it's the couple with the lowest combined score that gets the neatly choreographed boot.

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Bristol Palin, who despite painfully flubbing her way through waltzes and cha-chas, has miraculously secured a spot in the final five of the weekly competition. She has consistantly gotten the lowest scores from the "DWTS" judges, yet "America" keeps her chugging along and booting off more, uh, talented contestants like Audrina Patridge. Thank God "The Situation" is still around.

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Audrina Patridge

"I'm so excited we're doing the cha cha," says Audrina Patridge of "The Hills", clearly SO excited. These types of girls are always pretty excited though -- in that "I just need to white knuckle it until Paris shows up with another 8-ball of blow" kind of way. Audrina has the timeless innocence of a newborn, and the brainpower to match. "Whose floor is this?" her partner Tony asks to get her psyched up for her performance, as she looks at him blankly wondering if it's a trick question. "The gym's," she thinks to herself, "isn't it?"

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