"It's always wrong, that's obvious, but I'm rolling my eyes at all the attention she'll get."

While covering the Egyptian protests back in February, CBS reporter Lara Logan was separated from her crew and endured a horrifying sexual and physical assault. And when the news filtered out from Tahrir Square, New York University Center for Law and Security fellow Nir Rosen fired off a torrent of scathing tweets about the attack, admitting "She's so bad that I ran out of sympathy for her," and adding "it would have been funny if it happened to Anderson [Cooper] too." In the wake a furious backlash, Rosen swiftly deleted the tweets, apologized for his words, and resigned from NYU. Today, he's back on Twitter after a brief sabbatical, but as he wrote for Salon last winter, "with 480 characters I undid a long career."

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Charlie Sheen tends to have that effect. The man is superficially charming but thoroughly loathsome, so bereft of anything resembling decency or common sense that the media and the public can enjoy his prolonged flameout without a twinge of guilt. And yet he's mesmerizing for precisely that reason. Nobody in the history of American popular culture has built such a long career almost entirely upon being a decadent, sarcastic, horny, volatile party animal, minus any remarkable talent to counterbalance it. It's unprecedented. But it's not as if it all started last month. 

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Making the talk show rounds in anticipation of his aptly named new sitcom "Anger Management" and his Monday evening Comedy Central roast, the Vatican assassin is revealing a more sedate side of himself this week. On the "Today" show Friday, Sheen insisted he's "a lot calmer, a lot mellower," and said, "I think it's important that people see that ... was just one crazy chapter, one weird phase, and that I was this guy before it started so I could be that guy again afterward." And discussing his "Two and a Half Men" flameout this week with Jay Leno, Sheen confessed that "I would've fired [me] too." He even admitted he'd "be completely on board for" a guest shot on his old show  This from the guy who mere months ago called his boss Chuck Lorre a "contaminated little maggot."

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2. Pretend meme picked up by a morning show of the day: Horsemanning, as demonstrated by Kathie Lee and Hoda on "Today." From the screenshot, I'm guessing it's like owling or planking, except you have to be drunk on white wine at 9 a.m. in order for it to count.

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2. Cringe-worthy Hitler analogy of the day: Sorry, Kanye, your reign was but too brief. Today, the crew of "Two and a Half Men" claim that they prefer working with Ashton Kutcher over "Hitler." Look, Charlie Sheen may be a lot of things, but he obviously does not have his life together enough to start a genocidal war.

3. Remake of the day: "Dirty Dancing," which will be directed by the film's original choreographer Kenny Ortega. Does no one remember the travesty of "Havana Nights"?

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Here's the spoiler alert: CBS went all out in its fantasy killing of Charlie Sheen's dopplegänger, Charlie Harper.

From Reuters (citing TMZ):

According to TMZ's taping attendee, the plot lays out how Rose (played by Melanie Lynskey) -- the neighbor who had been doggedly pursuing Harper, and whom Harper brought to Paris last season -- married Harper while in the City of Lights, but later caught him cheating on her in the shower.

According to TMZ's, Rose speaks at Charlie's funeral, telling everyone that while she and her spouse were waiting in a Paris subway station the day after the shower incident, Charlie "slipped" onto the tracks, in front of an oncoming train, resulting in a "meat explosion."

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With the show going into production this week and just a few weeks to go before the season premiere airs, though, the network has been doling out only the smallest of clues regarding the fate of Harper -- and how the replacement member of the trio, Ashton Kutcher, will be introduced. But CBS head of entertainment Nina Tassler noted at a press conference this week that the remaining cast are "very nuanced actors who can cover every subtlety," and that Lorre has the ability to turn the comedy "on its ear and … become a one-act play, a drama." Sounds like code for "dead Sheen" to me!

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In preparation for its Sept. 19 premiere, the first promotional poster has been released, showing Kutcher and costars Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones totally naked; a sign with the date of the show's return and the phrase "All will be revealed ..." is the only thing protecting their male modesty. "This isn't your dad's 'Two and a Half Men'!" the picture may as well shout.

It's a bold move, one that highlights the sex appeal of the newest cast member, but also that of Cryer and, more important, the underage Jones. Angus is now 17 and missing a good chunk of his signature baby fat, so putting him in the new promo is sure to raise questions about the sexualization of a teen actor who started the show at age 10. It's definitely going to generate mixed reactions, and that's not a great thing for producer Chuck Lorre.

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How did this happen? Early today, stories began popping up on Twitter and other social-networking sites hinting at the actor's demise, with links promising "breaking news" on the event. To be fair, considering where we left the warlock, it wouldn't be unreasonable to wonder whether his winning luck had run out.

Fortunately for Sheen, he's not dead. He's just been taking a really long nap, according to a recent tweet from the actor's account.

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This roast is just the latest move in Sheen's parade of self-destruction. (Or as Sheen himself puts it: "You could say I’ve been providing kindling for this roast for a while. It’s time to light it up. It’s going to be epic.") The show is set to air on September 19, when it will compete with the first episode of Ashton Kutcher's new "Two and a Half Men."

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Harrison Ford on Shia LaBeouf talking crap about the last "Indiana Jones" movie, "I think he was a fucking idiot." Boom!

2. Major nerd accomplishment of the day:

Fifty thousand Lego pieces and a love of "Lord of the Rings" is what inspired Kevin Walter to create the world's most complex model of the Dark Tower Barad-dûr. One block to rule them all?

3. Exposed Twitter (non)scandal of the day:

The reason for Lindsay's sudden interest in the Federal Reserve? The Twitter blast was actually a sponsored message paid for by the National Inflation Association. Are there really so many people out there that look to Lindsay Lohan for financial advice? Wasn't she just released from house arrest today for stealing a necklace?

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2. Actual nudity of the day: The Gloss' Jamie Peck walked around topless in Central Park to prove that it's legal for women to go shirt- and braless in public under N.Y. state law.

3. Secret wedding of the day: No-longer-"Ugly" star America Ferrera married longtime boyfriend Ryan Piers Williams in an intimate ceremony last night.

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Now, can we all promise to forget all about Charlie Sheen forever?

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You almost feel bad for Oprah: Back when she was starting out, a media personality had to fight hard to win a loyal audience and a fan base. In the era of Twitter and direct celebrity-to-fan interaction, you don't need to prove yourself over a period of years, you just have to make sure that you're a trending topic out of the gate. Then again, Oprah is still the richest celebrity out there, with a net worth of $290 million, so we doubt she's doing much crying.

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In a fearless piece on her life inside the television comedy bubble for New York magazine this week, the legendarily loudmouthed comedienne opens up about her admiration for Dave Chappelle, her rise to fame, her disdain for television's "enterprising, overmedicated, painted-up, capitalist whores claiming to be housewives," her thoughts on "starring on a sitcom, fighting with producers, nasty divorces, public meltdowns, and bombing through a live comedy tour" – just like another famous television star. But while she admits she knows it's like to "brag about winning when one is actually losing," don't compare her to Charlie Sheen.

"Charlie Sheen was the world’s most famous john, and a sitcom was written around him," she writes. "That just says it all." And in the most acidly funny observation we'll likely read all week, she lays it on the line: "Doing tons of drugs, smacking prostitutes around, holding a knife up to the head of your wife—sure, that sounds like a dream come true for so many guys out there, but that doesn't make it right!" All you other would-be winners out there, take some advice from one of television's greatest moms.

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Actually, it kind of makes sense: Kutcher is one of the few stars whose social-media savvy outshines post-breakdown Charlie (Ashton has double the number of Twitter followers), and he could bring in that younger demographic that seems to be the only group resistant to the hit show's gravitational pull. Plus, now there's a chance Demi Moore will cameo!

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Anyway, here is the Snoop Dogg/Charlie Sheen single that will be released on iTunes later tonight, or possibly earlier if these guys run out of cash and need to cop before midnight. I'll give you one guess what the title is.

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As it turns out, the answer is "yes" and "yes." While some comedians actually provided clever and insightful commentary on yesterday's news, far more went the easy route and just added to the deafening roar of bloodthirsty pro-America shouting. Today we look back and find the good, the bad and the ugly of celebrity Twitter reactions to Osama's death.

First, there was the "What about ME?" response: Both Lily Allen and The Rock celebrated their birthdays yesterday and didn't want that fact to get overshadowed in all the hubbub.

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I'm wondering if Rob Lowe is still on this list, as he'd probably make for the best contestant to fill Sheen's shoes. Not in the same role, of course, but Rob could easily turn on the charm and carefree charisma that Sheen brought to his "Charlie" character. And what's more, the actors grew up together. (Hello, "Stories I Only Tell My Friends!")

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In 1976 his mother moved the family to a modest house on Point Dume, in Malibu, Calif., because of its air quality, and guess who the neighbors were? Penns and Sheens. Rob is taken to see the miniature model for a cheesy sci-fi movie in the works, and guess what the battle station and spaceship are called? Death Star and Millennium Falcon…

Guess who liked to make home movies of his schoolmates? Chris Penn, brother of Sean. Guess who Chris’s best friend was? Charlie Sheen. Guess what Charlie’s father, Martin, had been doing? Having a meltdown while making "Apocalypse Now" for Francis Ford Coppola.

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