Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney’s secret resignation letter

We got our hands on it, or a reasonable facsimile

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Dick Cheney's secret resignation letterDick Cheney

Former Vice President Dick Cheney reveals in his new memoir that in March of 2001, he wrote a secret letter of resignation, to be used in the event that he was unable to fulfill his duties. He wrote the letter, he tells NBC, because “there is no mechanism for getting rid of a vice president who can’t function,” and Cheney had a history of heart attacks. He locked the letter in a safe, and told only the president and one trusted aide about its existence. No one has ever seen the letter — until now.

Salon.com’s War Room Secret Vice Presidential Correspondence Recovery Team tracked down the letter by following an elaborate series of clues Cheney placed around Washington, D.C. We reveal the contents of Cheney’s secret letter of resignation below:

The Office of the Vice President
March 15, 2001

Dear Mr. President:

If you’re reading this, it means one of the following things has happened:

  • I’ve had a debilitating heart attack and am unable to function.
  • I’m on the lam, likely somewhere in South America, because they finally found out about the incident in 1973.
  • I became irradiated at a secret energy task force meeting and have grown to 10 times my original size, losing, in the process, my very humanity.
  • I went to Mexico with Lynne and “pulled a William S. Burroughs.”
  • I’m locked in my man-size safe.

And so I voluntarily and of my own accord hereby tender my resignation from the Office of the Vice President of the United States, effective immediately … on the following conditions:

  • Check the man-size safe.
  • Don’t you dare replace me with that sonuvabitch Hagel.
  • In fact, just replace me with David Addington.

There’s nothing I regret more than leaving you, Mr. President, without the sage counsel of your trusted vice president, besides the 1973 thing, but America must move forward in what I am assuming is a time of great national grief at my untimely departure from office. I know you’ll do fine in my absence, but there are some things you should know.

The key to the Resolute Desk’s top-right drawer is in the kitchen behind Barney’s food. Torture is legal. If America is attacked by terrorists, Saddam Hussein is responsible. Pat Leahy can go fuck himself. Colin Powell is wrong about whatever he just advised you to do. So is Condi, probably. And Ashcroft, unless he was talking about porn or something. There’s nothing the American government can do that the private sector — specifically the Halliburton portion of the private sector — can’t do better and more efficiently. If you really really want to wiretap someone you probably don’t need a warrant. If you ever get stuck writing a state of the union, just say something about a manned mission to Mars. Make sure the Justice Department is only hiring and retaining good conservative U.S. attorneys. Don’t try to use the coffee machine in the Cabinet Room. It doesn’t work right and also you’re the president, you shouldn’t be making your own coffee.

I think that about sums up all the possible advice I would’ve given you had I remained capable of fulfilling my duties for the entirety of your time in office. (Did I mention that torture is legal?)

One last, personal note: There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be remembered as one of the best, most effective presidents America’s ever known, but just in case it looks like there is some doubt of that, try to make sure everything is as fucked up as possible on your way out of office. The American people, in their infinite wisdom, will pretty much forget it was your fault within six months of the next poor bastard taking over.

Sincerely,

Richard Cheney

P.S. If you find the time, have someone shoot Harry Whittington in the face. He knows what he did.

Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

Why people become chickenhawks

A new study sheds light on why non-veterans like Cheney and Limbaugh are such avid militarists

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Why people become chickenhawksRush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney

Since at least the Iraq War if not earlier, chickenhawkery has been a hallmark of American politics. From the 101st Fighting Keyboarders to the professional Draft-Dodging Neoconservatives to the Self-Labeled “Liberal Hawks” who disproportionately populate Washington green rooms, our nation’s scowling legion of chickenhawks has sculpted a new archetype — that of the chest-thumping pundit/politician who aggressively demands others fight and die in wars, but who himself either refuses to enlist or fled the battlefield when his country called.

What makes chickenhawkery such a distinctly American phenomenon is our culture’s coupling of aggressive militarism with a lack of anything even resembling shared sacrifice. Quite bizarrely, we celebrate those who rhetorically promote wars as “tough” and “strong” without requiring those very warmongers to walk their talk. Shielded from any personal risk of injury or death, the chickenhawk is thus permitted to wrap himself in an American flag and goose step his way through television studios as the alleged personification of patriotic bravery.

For years, chickenhawkery’s roots in this culture of unshared sacrifice have been a matter of theory — albeit a logical, well-grounded theory. But now, thanks to a comprehensive new study, we have concrete data underscoring the hypothesis. It suggests that many Americans’ aggressively pro-war ideology may fundamentally rely on their being physically shielded/disconnected from the human cost of war.

To document this connection, Columbia’s Robert Erikson and University of California at Berkeley’s Laura Stoker went back to the Vietnam War — the last time Americans faced wartime conscription. The researchers analyzed data from the Jennings-Niemi Political Socialization Study of college-bound high schoolers and subsequent interviews of those same high-schoolers from 1965 onward. In the process, they discovered that men holding low draft lottery numbers (and therefore more at risk of being drafted into combat) “became more anti-war, more liberal, and more Democratic in their voting compared to those whose high numbers protected them from the draft.” Importantly, for these men “lottery number was a stronger influence on their political outlook than their late-childhood party identification.” That influence transcended previous party affiliation and made a permanent impact on their politics into adulthood.

“Men with vulnerable numbers show evidence of totally rethinking their partisanship in response to the threat of the draft,” the researchers report. “Republicans in the group abandoned their party with unusual frequency, while even Democrats moved toward the independent category with slightly greater frequency than others.”

By contrast, “for men with safe lottery numbers, the continuity of party identification” — and militarist ideology — “was relatively unaffected by the draft.”

Reporting on the study, Miller-McCune notes:

Why did the prospect of being drafted make such a strong and lasting impact on the men’s ideological outlook? Erikson and Stoker suggest this may be a case of self-interest trumping abstract ideas. They note that the risk of being drafted provoked intense “anxiety and fear,” which caused many to rethink previously held beliefs, either as a direct emotional response or because it prompted them to get better informed.

This part of the study about “self-interest” is almost certainly the key factor in two generations’ worth of high-profile chickenhawkery.

For chickenhawks like Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney who grew up during Vietnam conscription, deft draft-dodging provided them safety and psychological distance from bloodshed. As the data show, compared to draftees, that distance likely made them feel comfortable demanding other people face death on the battlefield, knowing that they wouldn’t face such a fate themselves. Put another way, having avoided the draft, there was no “self-interest” in opposing war — indeed, there was only self-interest in promoting wars in a media and political environment that increasingly rewarded rank bellicosity.

For younger, post-Vietnam-era chickenhawks (think, say, the chipper lily-white warmongers who populate the editorial staff of tiny-circulation elite Washington magazines like the National Review, New Republic and Weekly Standard) the same dynamic remained. Despite living in an era of “persistent conflict,” these precocious youngsters never faced a lottery or draft (or even the threat of a modest tax hike!). So, just like their older brethren, their incessant demand that other people go off to die in wars never comes with even the vague possibility that the chickenhawks themselves will have to leave their comfortable D.C. offices and face the bloodshed they so vehemently endorse. And as the data show, without such a possibility, people seem far more supportive of militarism. That’s especially true for chickenhawks in today’s war-glorifying media, where “self-interest” is now defined as warmongering, not the opposite.

No doubt, the antiwar voices who have recently argued for the reinstatement of a draft will find fuel in this Berkeley/Columbia report. They argue that viscerally connecting the entire nation to the blood-and-guts consequences of war will make the nation less reflexively supportive of war — and the new data substantively supports that assertion. That’s why in the midst of (at least) three U.S. military occupations, this report is almost sure to be ignored by our chickenhawk-dominated political class — because it too explicitly exposes the selfish, self-centered and abhorrent roots of the chickenhawk ethos that now plays such an integral role in perpetuating a state of Endless War.

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David Sirota

David Sirota is a best-selling author of the new book "Back to Our Future: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live In Now." He hosts the morning show on AM760 in Colorado. E-mail him at ds@davidsirota.com, follow him on Twitter @davidsirota or visit his website at www.davidsirota.com.

Dick Cheney’s big fracking mess

How not to protect our drinking water: Prohibit the EPA from regulating new mining technologies

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Dick Cheney's big fracking messA worker at EnCana's Frenchie Draw gas-drilling rig in central Wyoming guides sections of steel pipe into an 11,000-foot well on September 19, 2009. People living near gas drilling facilities in states including Pennsylvania, Colorado, New Mexico and Wyoming have complained that their water has turned cloudy, foul-smelling, or even black as a result of chemicals used in a drilling technique called hydraulic fracturing, or "fracking." To match feature ENERGY/FRACKING-WATER REUTERS/Jon Hurdle (UNITED STATES SCI TECH ENVIRONMENT)(Credit: Reuters)

“Hydrofracked: One man’s quest for answers about natural gas drilling,” by ProPublica reporter Abrahm Lustgarten, is the best story I have seen so far about the potential environmental dangers posed by “fracking” — the relatively new practice in which huge quantities of water and chemicals are pumped underground to mine for natural gas. After reading Lustgarten’s fair and thorough reporting, it’s pretty clear that fracking technology is much more of a threat to drinking water supplies than the industry would like us to believe.

Which makes the following nugget all the more enraging:

Politicians who supported the industry had tried for years to exempt fracking from the Safe Drinking Water Act, the 1974 law that regulates the injection of waste and chemicals underground. The EPA’s 2004 study was used to justify that effort. With the help of then-Vice President Dick Cheney — the former head of Halliburton — President George W. Bush’s landmark energy legislation, the 2005 Energy Policy Act, included a provision that prohibited the EPA from regulating fracking under the Safe Drinking Water Act. Regulation would be left to the states, many of which had underfunded agencies, looser standards and less manpower than the federal government.

Halliburton, incidentally, pioneered hydrofracking technology.

Perhaps my imagination is limited, but I am struggling to think of anything more appropriate to be regulated by the EPA, under the auspices of the Safe Drinking Water Act, than a process in which vast amounts of toxic chemicals are injected deep in the earth. Half a decade later, no less a regulation-hating state than Texas found itself passing a law requiring frackers disclose what chemicals they employ when extracting gas. That kind of thing seems like something that maybe should have been required from the outset, rather than years later — but I guess we should be familiar with the pattern now. Congress proactively exempts some potentially dangerous practice from federal regulation — like, say, credit derivatives — and then scrambles for cover after the inevitable disaster.

 

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Andrew Leonard

Andrew Leonard is a staff writer at Salon. On Twitter, @koxinga21.

Dick Cheney “worships” Paul Ryan

The man who famously said that deficits don't matter fawns over the GOP's new face of harsh budget cuts

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Dick Cheney Cong. Paul Ryan (R-Janesville) arrives for his town hall meeting about his Federal budget plan,Thursday April 28, 2011 at the Waterford Village Hall. in "Waterford, Wis. (AP Photo/The Journal Times, Mark Hertzberg)(Credit: AP)

During a rare public appearance in Houston Wednesday, Dick Cheney expressed his feelings about Paul Ryan, the House Budget Committee chairman whose budget blueprint — which calls for turning Medicare into a voucher program — has become a lightning rod for controversy.

“I worship the ground the Paul Ryan walks on,” said the former vice president, Politico noted via the Houston Chronicle.

Cheney made the comment while proclaiming the need to combat the national debt. That may seem an odd sentiment to those who remember that in 2002 he reportedly told then-Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, “deficits don’t matter.

Meanwhile, the object of Cheney’s affection is, of course, the current of face of the GOP’s version of deficit hawkishness — one that Democrats hope to make a liability for Republicans in 2012. Despite a united effort by Republicans in the Senate Wednesday to rally around Ryan’s proposal, a number of party members have called the proposal too extreme, perhaps fearing that backing it could carry serious electoral consequences.

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Natasha Lennard covers the Occupy movement for Salon. A British-born, Brooklyn-based journalist, she has been covering Occupy Wall Street since before the first sleeping bag was unrolled in Zuccotti Park. One of the first journalists arrested at an Occupy action, she has managed to enrage Andrew Breitbart, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. You can follow her on Twitter (@natashalennard), and email her any Occupy updates/videos/ideas to natasha.lennard@gmail.com

Fox News congratulates Bush for bin Laden

Plus, Fox affiliates and other networks confuse "Osama" with "Obama"

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Fox News congratulates Bush for bin LadenScreenshot from Fox News website

Update (14:45): Even the BBC committed the dreaded faux pas.

Update (13:44): Yet another typo to report on, this time from CNN. Wonkette noted that CNN.com reported there was “no indication Obama tried to surrender.”

Update (13:07): It is not only Fox affiliates struggling with their “Obama”s and “Osama”s. Virginia-based NBC 12 reported on “Obama’s death”, as this screenshot (another Twitter hit) illustrates:

 

Update (12:41): As far as reporting flubs go, mixing up “Obama” with “Osama” is pretty much as fatal as it can get on a day like today. Two separate Fox affiliates made this very mistake.

Fox 40, the Sacremento-based local station made the gaffe in the text scroll at the bottom of the screen which broke the news: “Obama Bin Laden dead”. The below image spread across Twitter like wild fire.

And, following President Obama’s announcement of the Al-Qaida leader’s death, an anchor for New York-based Fox 5 said “President Obama is in fact dead” before correcting himself after some prompting.

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney have both congratulated President Obama on hearing the news of Osama Bin Laden’s death. But Fox News seems unwilling to let the glory linger on the president for even a moment. The cable network’s website homepage chose to feature former president Bush predominantly, with the only mentions of Obama in small type under a large picture and headline devoted to his predecessor.

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Natasha Lennard covers the Occupy movement for Salon. A British-born, Brooklyn-based journalist, she has been covering Occupy Wall Street since before the first sleeping bag was unrolled in Zuccotti Park. One of the first journalists arrested at an Occupy action, she has managed to enrage Andrew Breitbart, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. You can follow her on Twitter (@natashalennard), and email her any Occupy updates/videos/ideas to natasha.lennard@gmail.com

Observations from a day of watching CPAC on TV

How Newt Gingrich balanced the budget, Reagan worship, Rick Santorum's odd music choice

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Observations from a day of watching CPAC on TVNewt Gingrich(Credit: AP)

Unlike Justin Elliott, I am not at CPAC. But I am watching it on C-Span.

Mitch McConnell, this morning: Opposing campaign finance reform was “like trying to get a deaf dog off a meat truck.”

David Bossie: “There’s only one man who can claim to have balanced the federal budget, and that’s Newt Gingrich.”

Newt Gingrich entered to “Eye of the Tiger.” (I think he does this all the time, actually.) Then he compared the supposedly anti-job Obama administration unfavorably to … the German government. You know, the one with the VAT and the high personal income taxes and the mass unionization. Gingrich then suggested replacing the EPA with the “Environmental Solutions Agency.” (Maybe he thinks the “P” stands for “problems”?)

Then there was some sort of lengthy panel about Ronald Reagan. My favorite part was when a speaker began an anecdote by saying, “Ron Reagan Jr. — don’t boo …” (Second-favorite part was when a guy said that Reagan “was even more tea party than Jefferson.” He was more like the Founders than the actual Founders, themselves.)

There was a horrible panel about gay marriage and other “social issues,” with two black religious conservatives. One of them, Bishop Harry Jackson, attempted to whip the crowd into a frenzy with an anti-gay, anti-”civility” mini-sermon, but was forced to say to the lily-white crowd, “somebody needs to clap or shout or do something in this place” to get a response.

Rick Santorum entered to Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop.” I guess everyone finally forgot the ’90s.

The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre played a clip of Charlton Heston bemoaning people who try to exploit tragedies to advance their political agendas. Then he repeatedly invoked the names of people killed in shooting massacres, asserted that they were murdered by “gun-free zones,” announced that “our women” were being raped as he spoke, and even played a harrowing 911 call from a victim of a home invasion. I am not even particularly left-wing on the subject of gun control and I found it to be a breathtakingly shameless and disgusting performance.

While Justin already covered the weird Donald Trump appearance, there was one line of Trump’s speech that bears repeating: “If I run, and if I win, this country will be respected again.” Right. Once we elect the bankrupt TV make-believe tycoon huckster, people around the world will say to themselves, “They finally got it right.”

Donald Rumsfeld arrived to accept his “defender of the Constitution” award. There were boos. Dick Cheney, introduced to introduce Rumsfeld, was called various names, though the boos were then drowned out by “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” chants. As Cheney began his lengthy, boring story about his “meet-cute” with Rumsfeld, the crowd mostly settled down, except for scattered shouts from, I presume, antiwar Ron Paul supporters, who were promptly shouted down by patriots.

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Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

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