Salon.com > Divorce http://www.salon.com Fri, 03 May 2013 16:11:04 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 I’m sleeping with my ex again — why? http://www.salon.com/2013/04/29/im_doing_my_ex_again_why/ http://www.salon.com/2013/04/29/im_doing_my_ex_again_why/#comments Mon, 29 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13282810 Dear Cary,

I am a 38-year-old woman having a hidden affair with my ex-husband of 10 years ago. To be completely honest, we're just having sex, no seduction involved. Old feelings are welling up for me, some good but mostly bad, all with a huge side order of guilt and shame. I don't think my ex has feelings for anyone except himself and our children. He's the most selfish person I know while extolling himself any chance he gets as a model of generosity. Yes, he's free with money and he's pleasant and jocular with strangers, acquaintances and friends, but he's stingy with his feelings. I'm realizing (again) that he doesn't seem to have any. He seems to exist on a completely superficial plane and when someone pisses him off he tells them how he feels and is done with them. He doesn't give anyone a chance to reply, just cuts them off. To him any discussion is an argument. He avoids confrontation unless he's the one instigating it. I should mention that he smokes pot daily, several times a day, and has since he was a teenager.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/04/29/im_doing_my_ex_again_why/feed/ 16 Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon opens up about split with Thurston Moore http://www.salon.com/2013/04/22/sonic_youths_kim_gordon_opens_up_about_divorce_from_thurston_moore/ http://www.salon.com/2013/04/22/sonic_youths_kim_gordon_opens_up_about_divorce_from_thurston_moore/#comments Mon, 22 Apr 2013 20:43:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13278879 For 27 years, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore were one of rock's most enviable couples, successfully pioneering a path for the indie rock scene with band Sonic Youth. But in 2011, the band dismantled and Moore and Gordon filed for divorce -- a split that rattled indie fans to the core.

In this month's Elle Magazine, Gordon opens up about what happened:

Some years ago, a woman Gordon declines to name became a part of the Sonic Youth world, first as the girlfriend of an erstwhile band member and later as a partner on a literary project with Moore. Eventually, Gordon discovered a text message and confronted him about having an affair. They went to counseling, but he kept seeing the other woman. "We never got to the point where we could just get rid of her so I could decide what I wanted to do," Gordon says. "Thurston was carrying on this whole double life with her. He was really like a lost soul." Moore moved out. Gordon stayed home and listened to a lot of hip-hop. "Rap music is really good when you’re traumatized," she says.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/04/22/sonic_youths_kim_gordon_opens_up_about_divorce_from_thurston_moore/feed/ 7 You don’t know anything about the Osbournes marriage http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/you_dont_know_anything_about_the_osbournes_marriage/ http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/you_dont_know_anything_about_the_osbournes_marriage/#comments Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:59:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13273654 Divorce rates may be on the rise for baby boomers, but 64-year-old Ozzy Osbourne says he and wife Sharon aren’t jumping on the bandwagon. The Black Sabbath frontman took to his Facebook page this week to clear up the gossip on why Sharon moved out of the home they shared and traveled alone to Mexico, prompting speculation on the demise of their 31-year-old marriage:

For the last year and a half I have been drinking and taking drugs. I was in a very dark place and was an asshole to the people I love most, my family. However, I am happy to say that I am now 44 days sober.

Just to set the record straight, Sharon and I are not divorcing. I’m just trying to be a better person.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/you_dont_know_anything_about_the_osbournes_marriage/feed/ 4 My gay green card marriage http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/my_gay_green_card_marriage/ http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/my_gay_green_card_marriage/#comments Wed, 17 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13269133 We met up on a recent rainy weeknight at an unremarkable legal office in the outer boroughs. Inside, a warm but appropriately solemn woman sat me down, explained the basics, and told me to sign here, here and here. On the way out the attorney warned Flavia and me that it’d take at least a few months yet for the paperwork to weave itself through the courts. We exchanged resigned glances, sighed semi-dramatically, thanked her for her time, then ducked into a boisterous Greek restaurant a few blocks away for dinner.

When the waiter brought us our bottle of wine we filled our glasses to the brim, mused about the end of an era, and raised a toast: “To divorce!”

After a Mediterranean feast we headed over to her apartment nearby so I could finish up some work emails, and over some more wine flipped through our old wedding album, giggling at some of the cheesy photos from the reception. Conspicuously absent from our little album, which a federal bureaucrat had paged through some years back while scrutinizing us closely, were pictures from our honeymoon, a wild Saturday night spent at the Cubbyhole, a popular lesbian bar in the West Village where, incidentally, we also first decided to get married.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/04/17/my_gay_green_card_marriage/feed/ 2 In Nebraska: Old friends, “Mad Men” and chatting about divorce http://www.salon.com/2013/04/11/the_kindness_of_exstrangers/ http://www.salon.com/2013/04/11/the_kindness_of_exstrangers/#comments Thu, 11 Apr 2013 16:00:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13267676 I feel I’ve failed you again, dear reader, in that I’m not discovering roadside kitsch or figuring out why red state people like their guns or (sometimes) think Obama wasn’t born here. This weather spooked me, and I’m driving crazy fast when I’m driving.

It was hard to leave my friend Mary’s house Wednesday morning once we heard there was going to be snow all day across Nebraska. Both fireplaces were lit, there was coffee and muffins, Sadie was happy with her pack, the gorgeous Golden Retrievers Max and Malie, and I was headed to Nebraska? Why?

A word about Mary. I met her through Open Salon, she was one of the fantastic originals, and we connected through our writing right away. She came to our crazy Salon party at the 2008 Democratic convention in Denver, where Glenn Greenwald and Duncan Black cavorted with Joe Klein (no, they didn’t cavort, although they were all there) and Arianna Huffington came for a minute and left her lovely sister Agape while she departed in a limo for dinner with celebs (which was all good) and Gov. Ed Rendell dropped by and a bunch of Open Salon people came and they were pretty much my favorites. There was Dave Cullen, of course, my writer on the Columbine school shootings, still a year or two away from his award-winning book, and I’m sure there were other people, and then there was Mary.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/04/11/the_kindness_of_exstrangers/feed/ 17 North Carolina lawmaker wants to impose a two-year waiting period for divorce http://www.salon.com/2013/03/29/north_carolina_lawmaker_wants_to_impose_a_two_year_waiting_period_for_divorce/ http://www.salon.com/2013/03/29/north_carolina_lawmaker_wants_to_impose_a_two_year_waiting_period_for_divorce/#comments Fri, 29 Mar 2013 15:17:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13255624 Republican state Sen. Austin Allran wants to impose a two-year waiting period and mandatory marriage counseling for couples seeking a divorce in North Carolina. The “Healthy Marriage Act” would also force couples to attend a four-hour course on the impact of divorce on children.

The new requirements, according to the bill introduced on Thursday (emphasis Allran's):

 50‑6.  Divorce after separation of one yeartwo‑year waiting period on application of either party.

(a)        Marriages may be dissolved and the parties thereto divorced from the bonds of matrimony on the application of either party, if and when the party upon satisfying the following requirements before filing for divorce under this section:

(1)        The husband and wife have lived separate and apart for one year,and themet a two‑year waiting period. The spouse seeking the divorce shall give a written notice of intent to file for divorce to the other spouse at the beginning of the two‑year waiting period. The notice of intent shall be properly acknowledged in accordance with Chapter 10B of the General Statutes. During the two‑year waiting period, there is no requirement that the husband and wife live separate and apart.

(2)        During the two‑year waiting period, the husband and wife have each completed courses on (i) improving communication skills and (ii) conflict resolution. Courses required by this subdivision do not have to be completed together as a couple.

(3)        If a couple has a child, the husband and wife have each completed a course of at least four hours on the impact of divorce on children.

 

 

 

 

 

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/03/29/north_carolina_lawmaker_wants_to_impose_a_two_year_waiting_period_for_divorce/feed/ 113 Does divorce really traumatize children? http://www.salon.com/2013/03/19/does_divorce_really_traumatize_children_partner/ http://www.salon.com/2013/03/19/does_divorce_really_traumatize_children_partner/#comments Tue, 19 Mar 2013 16:08:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13245691 Scientific American

Many of the 1.5 million children in the U.S. whose parents divorce every year feel as if their worlds are falling apart. Divorcing parents are usually very concerned about the welfare of their children during this troublesome process. Some parents are so worried that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing it will protect their offspring from the trauma of divorce.

Yet parents who split have reasons for hope. Researchers have found that only a relatively small percentage of children experience serious problems in the wake of divorce or, later, as adults. In this column, we discuss these findings as well as factors that may protect children from the potentially harmful effects of divorce.

Rapid Recovery

Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. In a 2002 study psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington of the University of Virginia and her then graduate student Anne Mitchell Elmore found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce, especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief. These reactions typically diminish or disappear by the end of the second year. Only a minority of kids suffer longer.

Most children of divorce also do well in the longer term. In a quantitative review of the literature in 2001, sociologist Paul R. Amato, then at Pennsylvania State University, examined the possible effects on children several years after a divorce. The studies compared children of married parents with those who experienced divorce at different ages. The investigators followed these kids into later childhood, adolescence or the teenage years, assessing their academic achievement, emotional and behavior problems, delinquency, self-concept and social relationships. On average, the studies found only very small differences on all these measures between children of divorced parents and those from intact families, suggesting that the vast majority of children endure divorce well.

Researchers have consistently found that high levels of parental conflict during and after a divorce are associated with poorer adjustment in children. The effects of conflict before the separation, however, may be the reverse in some cases. In a 1985 study Hetherington and her associates reported that some children who are exposed to high levels of marital discord prior to divorce adjust better than children who experience low levels. Apparently when marital conflict is muted, children are often unprepared when told about the upcoming divorce. They are surprised, perhaps even terrified, by the news. In addition, children from high-discord families may experience the divorce as a welcome relief from their parents' fighting.

Taken together, the findings suggest that only a small percentage of young people experience divorce-related problems. Even here the causes of these lingering difficulties remain uncertain. Some troubles may arise from conflict between Mom and Dad associated with the divorce. The stress of the situation can also cause the quality of parenting to suffer. Divorce frequently contributes to depression, anxiety or substance abuse in one or both parents and may bring about difficulties in balancing work and child rearing. These problems can impair a parent's ability to offer children stability and love when they are most in need.

Grown-up Concerns

The experience of divorce can also create problems that do not appear until the late teenage years or adulthood. In 2000 in a book entitled The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, Judith Wallerstein, then at the University of California, Berkeley, and her colleagues present detailed case studies suggesting that most adults who were children of divorce experience serious problems such as depression and relationship issues.

Yet scientific research does not support the view that problems in adulthood are prevalent; it instead demonstrates that most children of divorce become well-adjusted adults. For example, in a 2002 book, For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Hetherington and her co-author, journalist John Kelly, describe a 25-year study in which Hetherington followed children of divorce and children of parents who stayed together. She found that 25 percent of the adults whose parents had divorced experienced serious social, emotional or psychological troubles compared with 10 percent of those whose parents remained together. These findings suggest that only 15 percent of adult children of divorce experience problems over and above those from stable families. No one knows whether this difference is caused by the divorce itself or by variables, such as poorer parenting, that often accompany a marriage's dissolution.

In a review article in 2003, psychologists Joan B. Kelly of Corte Madera, Calif., and Robert E. Emery of the University of Virginia concluded that the relationships of adults whose parents' marriages failed do tend to be somewhat more problematic than those of children from stable homes. For instance, people whose parents split when they were young experience more difficulty forming and sustaining intimate relationships as young adults, greater dissatisfaction with their marriages, a higher divorce rate and poorer relationships with the noncustodial father compared with adults from sustained marriages. On all other measures, differences between the two groups were small.

Bouncing Back

Even though children of divorce generally do well, a number of factors can reduce the problems they might experience. Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child's exposure to it. Further, children who live in the custody of at least one well-functioning parent do better than those whose primary parent is doing poorly. In the latter situation, the maladjusted parent should seek professional help or consider limiting his or her time with the child. Parents can also support their children during this difficult time by talking to them clearly about the divorce and its implications and answering their questions fully.

Other, more general facets of good parenting can also buffer against divorce-related difficulties in children. Parents should provide warmth and emotional support, and they should closely monitor their children's activities. They should also deliver discipline that is neither overly permissive nor overly strict. Other factors contributing to children's adjustment include postdivorce economic stability and social support from peers and other adults, such as teachers.

In addition, certain characteristics of the child can influence his or her resilience. Children with an easygoing temperament tend to fare better. Coping styles also make a difference. For example, children who are good problem solvers and who seek social support are more resilient than those who rely on distraction and avoidance.

The good news is that although divorce is hard and often extremely painful for children, long-term harm is not inevitable. Most children bounce back and get through this difficult situation with few if any battle scars.

This article was originally published with the title Is Divorce Bad for Children?.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/03/19/does_divorce_really_traumatize_children_partner/feed/ 4 Abortion and the playground set, no-fault divorce and “teenage harlots”: This week in crazy legislation http://www.salon.com/2013/03/05/abortion_and_the_playground_set_no_fault_divorce_and_teenage_harlots_this_week_in_crazy_legislation/ http://www.salon.com/2013/03/05/abortion_and_the_playground_set_no_fault_divorce_and_teenage_harlots_this_week_in_crazy_legislation/#comments Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:58:00 +0000 http://www.railrode.net/?p=13219252 Lawmakers in North Carolina want to teach grade-schoolers that abortion causes preterm birth, an Iowa Republican fears that no-fault divorce will turn his 16-year-old granddaughter into a a loose woman, and the Arkansas Senate is hoping to override a veto on a 12-week abortion ban.

Sadly, you can't make this stuff up. A roundup of these and other proposals that are actually being considered by real, live elected officials this week.

Staying together for the kids

A three-member subcommittee in the Iowa House of Representatives is currently mulling a bill that would outlaw no-fault divorce for the parents of minor children. Rep. Tedd Gassman, a Republican member of the subcommittee, said he’s "concerned about the negative impact divorce has on children," according to Radio Iowa.

The issue isn't just political for Gassman -- it's personal: His daughter and son-in-law recently divorced, putting his "granddaughter at risk," he says.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/03/05/abortion_and_the_playground_set_no_fault_divorce_and_teenage_harlots_this_week_in_crazy_legislation/feed/ 8 Love isn’t dead. Here’s proof http://www.salon.com/2013/02/14/love_isnt_dead_heres_proof/ http://www.salon.com/2013/02/14/love_isnt_dead_heres_proof/#comments Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:43:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13201092 It's Valentine's Day, everyone. If you're like me, you are wondering what there could possibly be to celebrate in an era when the Internet has killed courtship and Taylor Swift is seemingly incapable of finding the one.

Oh, I jest. People still go on dates and T-Swizzle is 23 years old and figuring stuff out, so please everyone just get off her back, OK?

Love isn't dead. It's actually kind of everywhere. It's fleeting. It disappears only to show up again later. It doesn't always look the way we thought it would. And it often involves a lot of heartbreak and frustration. But it happens, and it's real.

Just to prove it to you, I've compiled a list of couples that remind us all that romance takes many shapes and forms over a lifetime. So kick back, crack open a box of Russell Stovers and come on this love journey with me. And feel free to tell me in the comments which couples inspire you.

[slide_show id=13200430]

 

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/02/14/love_isnt_dead_heres_proof/feed/ 1 Divorce from my best friend http://www.salon.com/2013/02/12/divorce_from_my_best_friend/ http://www.salon.com/2013/02/12/divorce_from_my_best_friend/#comments Tue, 12 Feb 2013 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13195789 My ex-husband, Philip, is a citizen of five countries. I still marvel at how that’s possible. He is fully trilingual and sounds like he comes from his own mythical land. His accent in every language is just a little bit foreign. He is his own kind of people. I am too: an overeducated world wanderer, a former child immigrant who now hails from no particular place. It seemed so sad to me back then, to sound like no one else, to be alone in one’s dialect. I think that’s why I fell in love with him.

Philip and I met at Princeton — two ambiguously exotic, international business types, headed for New York and doing a very good job of seeming like American yuppies. We dated for four years and married at 24, took prestigious jobs in business, lived in New York and Paris and Amsterdam. I loved Philip deeply. That part was real. But I can admit now that I was pretending about the rest. The whole persona. It felt unnatural, but I clung to it. “I owe it to myself, don’t I?” I said about my job, about the polished man I had chosen. “Ten years ago I was sleeping in a refugee camp. There’s no actual choice here.”

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/02/12/divorce_from_my_best_friend/feed/ 27 Should I stay or should I go? http://www.salon.com/2013/02/04/should_i_stay_or_should_i_go/ http://www.salon.com/2013/02/04/should_i_stay_or_should_i_go/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2013 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13188137 Dear Cary,

I am writing this because I don't know what to do and I need perspective. The core question: Should I stay in my 15-year relationship, or end it?

So I'm putting it out there, crowd-sourcing the question to someone I can trust to give an honest point of view simply because you don't know either of us and have no vested interest in the outcome. Also because I don't know what else to do.

I have read the books, tried the counseling, and searched my soul. I am tired of living in this awful limbo. When do you know it's time to pull the trigger, cut bait, get up and go, call in the lawyers?

The basics: (I am refraining from specifying gender here because I want to avoid all those tired gender-based tropes):

Me: reserved, analytical, bookish, professional, smart, like to think I'm fun. Traits that affect our relationship negatively: I withdraw, get resentful and snippy.

Spouse: outgoing, accomplished, energetic. Traits that affect our relationship negatively: critical, judgmental, overbearing, controlling, short fuse.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/02/04/should_i_stay_or_should_i_go/feed/ 42 Should we medicate parents to prevent divorce? http://www.salon.com/2013/02/01/take_ecstasy_save_your_relationship/ http://www.salon.com/2013/02/01/take_ecstasy_save_your_relationship/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2013 19:04:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13188200 The divorce rate is high. Internet dating has killed romance. And we are all going to die alone.

But it might not have to be that way, says Oxford ethicist Brian Earp and colleagues Anders Sandberg and Julian Savulescu. Not if couples start taking trust-enhancing drugs like ecstasy, that is. While Earp does not advocate taking illegal drugs, his research poses a provocative question: In a tightly controlled research setting, could drugs like MDMA be the answer to a commitment-averse culture? As Earp tells Ross Andersen at the Atlantic:

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/02/01/take_ecstasy_save_your_relationship/feed/ 12 Divorcing while pregnant http://www.salon.com/2013/01/16/divorcing_while_pregnant/ http://www.salon.com/2013/01/16/divorcing_while_pregnant/#comments Wed, 16 Jan 2013 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13124963 “Whatever you do,” my divorce lawyer said, her hand on the small of my back as we walked into the courtroom, “don’t forget the three P’s. We want you to look pregnant, poor and plain.” She smiled as she took me in: I’d done well. I looked about 13 months pregnant, instead of the seven I was. Emotional eating is a highly underrated experience. “Let’s lose this,” she said, as she unbuckled my Patek Philippe watch, the last vestige of what I had been -- a CEO's wife.

Manhattan may boast bloated salaries, Indian food delivered at 4 a.m. and the glorious perfume of Central Park in autumn and of damp and dying leaves commingled with the smoke of Halal carts, but as I aged, I learned these perks came with a huge anthropological flaw: its ratio of men to women. Statistics cite our city’s population of single women as being 210,000 more than its available men. It feels more like one man for every six or seven women. This biological trip-up is easy to ignore in a Neverland of middle-aged Peter Pans and Wendys. As I enjoyed an exciting career at CNN and Bloomberg TV, matched by an invigorating social life, my 20s and early 30s blew past me in a torrent of late nights at the Spotted Pig, front row seats at the Marc Jacobs show and Moet at Rose Bar. Did I mention Michael Stipe once hand-rolled me a “cigarette” at 60 Thompson? I am finally good enough, I thought, as I considered my boozy, status-driven pursuits.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/01/16/divorcing_while_pregnant/feed/ 64 My double life in therapy http://www.salon.com/2013/01/15/my_double_life_in_therapy/ http://www.salon.com/2013/01/15/my_double_life_in_therapy/#comments Tue, 15 Jan 2013 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13170624 As the cab pulled up to the mirrored building on 59th Street and 6th Avenue, I slipped a diamond platinum ring onto my finger and sighed, promising myself this would be the last time. My therapist and I had a standing appointment for the past six months, Friday morning at 7:30, and I had made the same promise every week. But today was the day I would fire my therapist, because I was tired of pretending to be so many things I was not -- a divorcée who was happily married, for instance.

Lawrence opened the door to his office, wearing a bright turquoise turtleneck.

I can’t do it. It’ll ruin him, I decided, before I even entered the room. “That shirt looks great on you,” I told him.

“Well, you said I should wear more blue, so …” I wish there was a more masculine word for twirl but there isn’t, and it is exactly what he did. Like a little girl showing off her princess costume to a roomful of doting grandparents, he twirled.

Lawrence was just out of college and hardly in his second year of practice. He was gentle and excited, genuinely a sweet man. I don't know that he would have called me out on my lying, even if he had caught on. He wanted me to believe he was professional, a brilliant and accomplished therapist. It’s as if we were both pretending to be something we weren't.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/01/15/my_double_life_in_therapy/feed/ 11 Pat Robertson: “Awful-looking” women are ruining marriages http://www.salon.com/2013/01/11/pat_robertson_awful_looking_women_are_ruining_marriages/ http://www.salon.com/2013/01/11/pat_robertson_awful_looking_women_are_ruining_marriages/#comments Fri, 11 Jan 2013 20:03:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13168571 AlterNet

It always seems to be the woman’s fault. No really — check this one out.

So, a 17-year-old boy writes in to Maxim magazine complaining that his father never pays any attention to his mother.

“I’m 17 years old and I’ve noticed that there has been a change in my father’s behavior,” he wrote. “He spends too much time at the computer playing a war game. I’ve noticed how alone my mom feels. I just want my father to spend more time with my mom. What should I do? How can I talk to my father? I feel shame for him. Please help.”

Luckily for this perceptive 17 year old, Christian conservative Pat Robertson is on the case — and his answer is, well, exactly what you’d expect from this radical Christian televangelist.

He starts off with the suggestion that the boy try to get his parents out of the house on some type of romantic weekend getaway.

“The romance is obviously going out of the marriage,” he said.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/01/11/pat_robertson_awful_looking_women_are_ruining_marriages/feed/ 139 America must stop blaming divorce on women http://www.salon.com/2013/01/07/america_must_stop_blaming_divorce_on_women/ http://www.salon.com/2013/01/07/america_must_stop_blaming_divorce_on_women/#comments Mon, 07 Jan 2013 23:03:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13164117 A recent poll revealed a clear tendency to blame women for not keeping their husbands happy and a habit of viewing divorced women as unwanted and pitiable.

That was in the United Arab Emirates. But what about the United States of America? You’d think a more enlightened view of women and marriage might prevail.

Think again. The Huffington Post ran a front-page piece just this week with a headline that would make any old-school patriarch proud: “Women: Five Reasons Your Divorce Is Your Fault.” The author, self-appointed intimacy expert Laura Doyle, spent several paragraphs hectoring women for sins including “Taking the same approach at home as you do at work” and “Rejecting his efforts to make you happy.” She reserves special scorn for present-day Lysistratas who are cruelly “withholding sex” from their partners, as if they were using sex as a punishment rather than simply too tired or not aroused enough to want it. Doyle’s “remedy” for this transgression? “Consider making yourself available for sex at least once a week in support of your mutual goal of connecting.” Problem solved!

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/01/07/america_must_stop_blaming_divorce_on_women/feed/ 35 The Atlantic takes on the Atlantic’s take on online dating http://www.salon.com/2013/01/03/the_atlantic_takes_on_the_atlantics_take_on_online_dating/ http://www.salon.com/2013/01/03/the_atlantic_takes_on_the_atlantics_take_on_online_dating/#comments Thu, 03 Jan 2013 23:19:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13161168 First, the Atlantic said that online dating is ruining traditional marriage. Then, a day later, they said that it wasn't.

Confused? Of course you are.

Journalist Dan Slater wrote a piece for the Atlantic print edition about a man named Jacob who, through the magic of online dating, has been able to meet and sleep with many women and he is no longer interested in getting married.  In response, Atlantic editor Alexis Madrigal took to the Atlantic's website to refute Slater and his "spineless" argument with a lot of data and somewhere around 1,800 words.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2013/01/03/the_atlantic_takes_on_the_atlantics_take_on_online_dating/feed/ 6 Kutcher files for divorce from Demi Moore http://www.salon.com/2012/12/21/ashton_kutcher_files_for_divorce_from_demi_moore/ http://www.salon.com/2012/12/21/ashton_kutcher_files_for_divorce_from_demi_moore/#comments Fri, 21 Dec 2012 22:45:00 +0000 http://http://www.salon.com/2012/12/21/ashton_kutcher_files_for_divorce_from_demi_moore/ LOS ANGELES (AP) — Ashton Kutcher filed court papers Friday to end his seven-year marriage to actress Demi Moore.

The actor's divorce petition cites irreconcilable differences and does not list a date that the couple separated. Moore announced last year that she was ending her marriage to the actor 15 years her junior, but she never filed a petition.

Kutcher's filing does not indicate that the couple has a prenuptial agreement. The filing states Kutcher signed the document Friday, hours before it was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court.

Kutcher and Moore married in September 2005 and until recently kept their relationship very public, communicating with each other and fans on the social networking site Twitter. After their breakup, Moore changed her name on the site from (at)mrskutcher to (at)justdemi.

Kutcher currently stars on CBS' "Two and a Half Men."

Messages sent to Kutcher's and Moore's publicists were not immediately returned Friday.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/12/21/ashton_kutcher_files_for_divorce_from_demi_moore/feed/ 1 Zooey Deschanel, Ben Gibbard finalize divorce http://www.salon.com/2012/12/18/zooey_deschanel_ben_gibbard_finalize_divorce/ http://www.salon.com/2012/12/18/zooey_deschanel_ben_gibbard_finalize_divorce/#comments Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:07:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13148488 LOS ANGELES (AP) -- A judge has finalized Zooey Deschanel's divorce from her rocker husband of roughly three years.

Court records show a judge finalized the actress' divorce from Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard on Wednesday in Los Angeles.

Gibbard and Deschanel, who stars in Fox's "New Girl," were married in September 2009. They had no children together.

The actress filed for divorce in December 2011 after separating two months earlier.

The judgment does not provide financial details of the breakup, although it states that the former couple's marriage cannot be repaired by counseling or mediation.

Deschanel was nominated last week for a Golden Globe for her work on "New Girl."

 

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/12/18/zooey_deschanel_ben_gibbard_finalize_divorce/feed/ 0 Psychic change or con job? http://www.salon.com/2012/11/13/psychic_change_or_con_job/ http://www.salon.com/2012/11/13/psychic_change_or_con_job/#comments Tue, 13 Nov 2012 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=13069705 Hi Cary,

I'm at a crossroads in my marriage and life and I don't know what to do. No matter how much advice I receive from my parents, friends and one counselor, and no matter how many advice books I read, I still can't seem to come to a decision that gives me peace of mind. I have been separated from my husband (I'm living in an apartment; separate bills, bank account, etc.) for going on four months. The question is whether to file for divorce or reconcile.

We have been married for eight years, together for 13. It's been a stormy relationship from the beginning. To make a very long story short, the issues have centered around his drinking, his temper and anger, his children (my stepchildren), a terminally ill parent, and the fact that over time I landed somewhere on Page 2 or 3 of his priority list.

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