My most recent ex-boyfriend, after our breakup, told me that I was one of the "few" people he knew who never flirted — and he said he appreciated that, because he never had to worry or feel jealous. More recently, a close male friend made a similar point, saying that not flirting and not having any romantic or sexual undertones in my relationships with male friends was characteristic of me but not necessarily of other women he knew.

I'm not sure why I'm like this, and I don't know whether it's a product of my disposition or of poor socialization (really). I guess my take on flirting is, why do it if you don't mean it? I've had a few male friends confess that they were attracted to me, and that was awkward enough — I think if I'd ever flirted with them, even in a non-serious, friendly context, they would've been more likely to believe that the feeling was mutual (as it was, they seemed like they were rightly anticipating a "thanks, but no thanks"). When guys flirt with me, all I can usually manage is to laugh it off uncomfortably, and the guys I've dated have generally been like me, addressing men and women in the same straightforward and friendly-but-totally-unflirtatious way.

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