In what is probably the most disturbing turn of events, CNN revealed the actor’s living will specified he be kept on life support for 15 days before pulling the plug, so to speak. His ex-wife Shannon Price disconnected him after one day. One. This is a perfect example of why everyone needs to update their wills, living wills, directives, taxes, driver’s licenses, library cards, whatever. Otherwise white-trash-apalooza explodes all over your grave. Let’s pay homage to some classic Arnold moments from Gary’s youth instead of pulverizing his memory.

This isn’t new ground for the Globe, which once published JonBenet Ramsey’s autopsy photos and leaked the identity of the woman who accused Kobe Bryant of sexual assault.  Instead, buzz about the photo is focusing on the identity of the person who released it.

Dion Mial, Coleman’s friend and executor of his will, is accusing Price of selling the photo to the Globe, although the magazine hasn’t named its source.  Price’s rep has released a statement saying, “Dion, who claims to be a good friend of Gary, would know that Gary’s only wishes were to make sure that Shannon would be OK after he was gone.”  The statement also says that Price needs money, but it doesn’t confirm or deny Mial’s allegation.  If it’s true, it sure is icky.

Herewith is a compendium of a life lived in the spotlight, but never quite on the A list:

Here he is at age 10, singing,  busting a move and holding his own with Martin Mull on “America Tonight.”

It all took off, of course, with a catchphrase that even pop culture lovers born long after the “Diff’rent Strokes” era still can’t quite resist. 

Coleman, who suffered from a congenital kidney disease that stunted his growth, made a seriously precocious plea for research in this early clip for the National Kidney Foundation.

By 16, the career options already diminishing, he starred as a daydreaming would-be Indy Jones in “The Fantastic World of D.C. Collins.”

At 17, he could already reminisce about “all the success I’ve had over the years” and say, with a strangely liberated optimism, “There’s nothing left now … I can live comfortably for the rest of my life. What’s left? Maybe one day, I’ll do something really exciting that’ll blow everyone’s mind.”

Playing a Gary Coleman-hating building inspector and working the full Kid N’ Play look on a “Married… With Children” appearance, Coleman proved he could still bring down the house with a mere “Watchoo talkin’ bout?”

Toward the end, plagued by personal and financial woes, the barrel-scraping Coleman was shilling like a lunatic for such dubious sponsors as Cash Call.

In January, following his arrest on a domestic violence charge, an angry, slurring Coleman didn’t do much for damage control when he appeared on “The Insider” to tell the host, “You can go fuck yourself,” before storming off the set. For the man who once promised to blow everyone’s mind, it would be one of his last public appearances. 

“It was mainly his girl that got everything started,” Mathers says. “She’s been a big thorn in my side for many years.”

Marshall’s mom contends that Kim has “brainwashed” her son. “Kim is very insecure, and she does not want any women in my son’s life, including me,” she says. “I think there’s a little bit of jealousy that has been shown at times about her daughter and Marshall, because Marshall idolizes that baby.”

However, it’s purportedly for the sake of their daughter, Hailie Jade, who turns 4 on Christmas Day, that the couple has decided to reconcile.

“It’s going to be a happy holiday, a happy new year for them,” predicts Eminem’s lawyer, Harvey Hauer.

But possibly not for Debbie Mathers. “I always send a present,” she tells me. “I was sending, like, a check before, and it was laughed at. Kim would send it back or just tear it up.”

And if Mathers wins her multimillion-dollar defamation suit against her son, just think of the big checks Kim’ll get to tear up.

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From the not-invited-to-Bette’s-tree-trimming files?

“If you ever hear that there is a show called ‘Helen,’ shoot me, will you please?”

– Helen Hunt on the wave of self-titled, self-involved shows starring celebrities as themselves.

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Coleman’s new cause

Stand back. Gary Coleman’s mad as hell and he’s not gonna take it anymore.

The target of the former child star’s ire? Scooters.

“Everyone hates those damned things!” says Coleman. “They are a damned nuisance. Besides, when I see a grown man with a tie on a scooter, I think loser.”

And whether or not it takes one to know one, Coleman is taking action. Backed by UGO.com, for which he writes a column, the little feller will hit the streets of New York to collect signatures on a petition calling for a referendum preventing scooters on city sidewalks.

“He’s approaching strangers with a team of other people and asking them to sign,” Sabine Heller, a spokeswoman for UGO, tells me. But Coleman’s grudge against the flashy wheels is bigger than New York; he’s also planning to blitz the airwaves to lobby for a similar referendum in Los Angeles.

So much for all that “diff’rent strokes to move the world” stuff.

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Taking a page from Groucho Marx

“I would not want to live in a country that would have me as a leader in any sort of political bent.”

– Tom Hanks, dismissing speculation that he might be eyeing a career in politics, on “60 Minutes.”

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Juicy bits

No, no, no! Reports that Geri Halliwell went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting in Los Angeles because of an ongoing struggle with her own eating disorder are w-r-o-n-g, according to her spokesman, Jonathan Hackford. He says what the erstwhile Ginger Spice wanted — what she really, really wanted — was to, you know, help out the other overeaters. “She’s never been happier or healthier in her life,” Hackford told the press. “She went by to give a bit of moral support.” And I’m eating this pizza because I want to save the whales.

If you think you’d have to be crazy to stalk Gwyneth Paltrow, you’re right. Dante Soiu, a 49-year-old Ohio man who’d been sending the actress packages, flowers, candy, pizza and pornography since March 1999 and was twice found lurking outside her parents’ home, was deemed legally insane and sent to a secure psychiatric facility until he proves himself stable, Reuters reports. Soiu’s attentions apparently so spooked Paltrow that, according to her testimony, she began to have nightmares about being sexually assaulted. But when he heard the verdict, Soiu reportedly remarked, “If a man gives a woman unconditional love, she is blessed.”

Can we blame Anne Heche for this? Ellen DeGeneres is set to appear on NBC’s “Will & Grace” as … a nun. Sister DeGeneres will drop into the sitcom as a guest during February sweeps, according to TV Guide. But — who knows? — maybe it’ll turn into a regular thing? Roles like these can be … habit forming.

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Don’t forget to cast your vote for the Second Annual Nothing Personal Reader’s Choice Awards.

“I have a passion for it … I’ve never left politics,” Springer said after addressing an AFL-CIO convention crowd in Cincinnati last week. “It’s like your religion.”

And while running for federal office would be “impossible right now,” he allowed, “at some point, it’s possible. I’ve never dismissed it.”

But would people take him seriously? “If people focus on the show, the answer is no,” he told the Columbus Dispatch. “If they focused on issues, then maybe.”

What if they focus on that time he paid for a prostitute’s services with a check?

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It’s the little things

“I love that I can make little boys laugh when I use the word ‘diarrhea’ successfully in a rhyme.”

– Jamie Lee Curtis on the joys of writing kids’ books.

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Diff’rent stroking

And speaking of celebrities who’ve toyed with politics …

Gary Coleman is apparently keeping his options open following that bizarre dance around running for public office in California a couple of months back.

Cornered by New York gossipist Baird Jones at a party for convergeattribeca.com, the diminutive online columnist said his California fans are his favoritest fans of all.

“In San Francisco, it is the best,” Coleman kvelled. “People just nod. They give me distance, and I hardly get any autograph requests. If I want to chat, they let me initiate.” See how considerate they are? I’ve heard Tina Yothers’ fans are also very nice.

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All of ‘em?

“I really do appreciate a beautiful woman’s face … but it’s not a turn-on to me. I don’t know, maybe I should be turned on. But I’ve always loved men.”

– Charlize Theron on her hetero inclinations.

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So much for that “American Gigolo” swagger

Playing doctor with Richard Gere is apparently not all it’s cracked up to be.

Liv Tyler, who plays a patient to Gere’s gynecologist in the upcoming “Dr. T. and the Women,” said fumbling around on the examination table with the actor was no picnic.

“It was really funny and uncomfortable to have Richard Gere looking between your legs all day long,” Tyler confessed at a press junket. “It was funny because he really didn’t know what he was doing with all those instruments, and I was like, ‘No, it would go a bit lower!’”

Insert gerbil joke here.

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Tom’s turkey

Forget Leno. Never mind Letterman. The programming geniuses over at Columbia TriStar Television bring you … Tom Arnold.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Roseanne’s ex will be given his very own late-night show. The concept? “Tom Arnold meeting real people.” The production company’s bigwigs insist that the show will be neither talk nor entertainment.

Nor, in all likelihood, any good.

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Gotta have more? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.