Some of these will seem trivial, and others will seem more serious. My guess is that at least a few will ring true for you - and if they don't, well, at least you can have a good laugh at my expense. Here they are in no specific order:

1. I will stop lying to my exercise machine: When it comes to my relationship with workout machines, I am nothing short of a pathological liar. Whether at home or on vacation, I tell the machines I meet that I weigh 173 pounds when I really weigh about 10 pounds more than that. In other words, when I program my workout, I tell the machine I'm the weight I want to be, but not the weight I actually am. Why do I do this and what the hell do I really think I'm getting away with?

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Before the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School took place, two things were predictable: that another mass killing was inevitable, given the increase in their frequency over the past year, and the fact that no measures had been taken to prevent them; and that right-wingers would see in such a dreadful event an opportunity to promote their paranoid vision of a perfect America as one where every citizen is armed to the teeth, and trembling in awe of their vengeful God

The bodies of the 27 people -- most of them children between the ages of six and seven -- killed by Adam Lanza on Friday, December 14,  had yet to be returned to their families when the right-wing noise machine went into gear, blaming public education and a purported dearth of firearms for the tragedy.

Yet, even as right-wing pundits continued to name gun control as a reason that the killer took so many lives, producers at NBC's Meet the Press were unable to get a single pro-gun senator to appear on the show the Sunday after the tragedy. All 31 gun-loving senators who will have seats in the new Congress were invited, according to executive producer Betsy Fischer Martin.

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But as repulsive and predictable as that narcissism is, it did inadvertently spotlight a significant problem plaguing our civic discourse. Call it Shut Up and Sing Syndrome.

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The company’s business model was built on systemically swindling and scaring its mostly elderly clientele into purchasing overpriced gold coins, prosecutors in California alleged, leading the company to settle for $4.5 million in refunds to its customer. The city attorney in Santa Monica, where the company is based, brought 19 criminal fraud charges against the company that were later dropped, but a Los Angeles judge last year instructed the company to foot the bill for a court-appointed monitor, who was tasked with ensuring the company revealed its price markups and stopped misleading consumers.

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Now, just in time for the holidays, the fear-mongering eschatologist is shilling for a new prophecy of doom – one that comes wrapped in a neat dust jacket, ready to stuff in your loved one’s stocking.

Released on Nov. 20, Beck’s latest contribution to the American literary scene is Agenda 21, a dystopian novel set in a not-too-distant future in which America has been taken over by radical socialist environmentalist atheistic technocrats who steal babies and control all citizens with an iron fist, watching and reporting on everything they do.

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I would be proud to have my name in the acknowledgments of Ms. Parke’s novel. But given that it is printed inside a book bearing Glenn Beck’s name, the work I did is now deeply at odds with who I am as an editor. "Agenda 21" is going out into the world on Tuesday, Nov. 20, as something decidedly different from the novel I edited. Yes, the story is the same. So are the concepts, the characters and the writing. But the name in the byline — that changes the book’s intent. It changes everything.

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Greg Sargent makes the excellent point this week that part of what’s happening is that Obama has pulled even or ahead with Romney on the question of who would do a better job on the economy, partly because a lot of people still blame George W. Bush for creating these economic problems but also because a lot of people are newly optimistic about the current economy.

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Wallace: Let's look at where you stand on the issues. You want to abolish Education, Commerce and Energy Departments, TSA and the IRS. You support a flat tax and you serve Chick-fil-A at your victory party. You are pretty conservative?

Cruz: Without a doubt. And I think the American people are pretty conservative, and I'm certain the people of Texas are pretty conservative... [and] All across the country, the rest of Americans are looking at Washington and saying, what's wrong with you people? The principles that I think voters are looking for are not that complicated. It's live within your means, follow common sense principles, don't spend money you don't have. And that's what American people are standing up and demanding right now. (See the full transcript here.)

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Fox's "fair and balanced" version goes like this: In July, a Phoenix pastor was jailed by overzealous regulators for holding Bible studies in his home. Only a church, said the city, could host a large religious congregation. The pastor's private gatherings were forcefully disbanded, and he was incarcerated in a Guantanamo-like facility in the desert.

The other version, reported by the Phoenix New Times, goes this way. In 2007, Michael Salman built what he called a garage on his property and began using it to hold church services. Up to 80 people would come to worship as often as twice a week. Eventually the city cited Salman for not having the proper permits to create a church. But the next year, Salman upped the ante, building himself a 2,000-square-foot "game room." And when he continued to use it to preach to large groups, the city cracked down. Sixty-seven civil-code violations later, Salman finally went to Tent City jail last month.

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“But in the long watches of the night, in the solitude of my tent, I conceived a plan of government which, by the grace of God, I hope to be able to give to the American people. ... (H)ateful as is the thought of assuming supreme power, I can see no other way clearly." -- from "Philip Dru: Administrator"

"Philip Dru, Administrator: A Story of Tomorrow, 1920-1935" is a novel about a successful rebellion against a hopelessly corrupt U.S. government. Its leader then becomes a benevolent dictator, and restores the rule of law to the Republic. Though he didn’t put his name on the book, author Colonel Edward Mandell House was a Texas political insider who worked assiduously to make Woodrow Wilson president. After the 1912 election, he became Wilson’s closest advisor.

So is it a bad turn-of-the-century novel -- or a Nostradamus-like prediction of America under President Obama?

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Just watch the first couple of minutes of this and watch Beck sit there, dumbstruck, as the disembodied voice of Gingrich rambles about Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle," the Wright Brothers, and Alexander Hamilton's Report on Manufactures (which Gingrich incorrectly refers to as his "First Report on Manufacturing" -- such shoddiness from Freddie Mac's historian in residence!).

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09/13/01: Remembering the Day We Forgot the Lessons of the Day We Had Sworn We Would Always Remember

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So if anyone was wondering what happened to Hermann Cain after his disappointing showing at the Ames straw poll, one had only to look toward the Holy City, where he was enjoying center stage with Glenn Beck at the final of three events set in Israel.

Under the aegis of "Courage to Stand," Beck addressed a fairly sparse crowd of 2,000. Also on stage was Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat and cantorial music superstar Dudu Fisher, who sang the Fiddler on The Roof's version of a Sabbath psalm.

Outside the venue, in an archeological garden located on the spot where King David, it is claimed, established the city of Jerusalem over 3,000 years ago, Beck intoned, "The world is expecting movement, the world is expecting someone to lead!"

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Brazilian footwear company Melissa  created a giant mural using 300,000 pages of sticky pads to open their flagship store. Bonus: viewers could write little notes of endearment on the Post-its, creating a huge mural composed with a lot of love.

2. Glenn Beck blames racially diverse "Spider-Man" on Michelle Obama

Obviously, Glenn does not understand the difference between the Ultimate and regular Marvel universe, or he'd know that the comic book company has every intention of keeping Peter Parker alive and Caucasian.

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Speaking with Democratic strategist and syndicated columnist Karl Frisch, Keith Olbermann on Tuesday asked what was behind Beck's comment: "Is this ignorance? Is he obtuse? Is he insane?"

Frisch noted that the youth camp -- organized by Norway's ruling Labor party -- where Anders Behring Breivik murdered 68 people actually seemed more reminiscent of the YMCA camps scattered around America.

Olbermann went on to criticize Bill O'Reilly's troubling analysis that Breivik -- a self-identifying Christian -- could not really be a Christian because Christians do not commit acts of terror (the preserve, in some conservative eyes, of Muslims).

"There is no logic. You will never hear the words 'respected theologian' and 'Bill O'Reilly' in any other sentence than the one I just said," Frisch noted.

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On Monday Beck announced that the location would be changed because he feared assassination attempts. As our own Justin Elliott noted when Beck first announced the rally, the event likely "will be filled with ambiguous messianic rhetoric and will oppose any sharing of Jerusalem between Israelis and Palestinians, both of whom claim the city as their national capital." Thus, the Temple Mount would have been appropriately controversial as perhaps the holiest site in Jerusalem's Old City.

Beck expressed concern about 40,000 Muslims, heading to the area for Ramadan, despite the fact that most devout Muslims devote the Ramadan month to extra prayer, religious study and fasting.

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It's unfair to judge a brand-new daily television show after only a couple days, but "The Five" is boring and lame. And, shocker, the ratings suck. Especially in the youth demo, which Fox was clearly hoping to grab by having an irreverent, fast-paced panel show instead of another "scare your grandparents with spooky stories" hour hosted by some talk radio shouter.

Poor Greg Gutfeld, the former Huffington Post blogger, has been hosting a 3 a.m. talk show on Fox for years now, and Fox refuses to move his show to a time when people would actually watch it. Instead they just stuck him on this "Five" panel, allowing him to make his hack jokes during the daylight hours for a change.

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Alex Pareene has a retrospective on Beck's three-year run on Fox here. And the liberal group Media Matters -- which is literally partying in observance of Beck's departure -- has compiled a useful list of Beck's "top five failed predictions" and 50 worst moments. In my favorite, from January, he predicts the Arab revolts will lead to the implosion of the entire world (watch it at the bottom of this post).

If you're watching and you'd like to participate, use the hashtag #salonbeck.

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