Salon.com > Hanukkah

Last-minute holiday shopping list!

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 17:57:00 +0000

Joan Walsh, Editor at Large
1. Drivable Wheel Loader

Ah, the perfect Christmas gift. Hands down the best gift I ever gave was a little driveable wheel-loader to my then-2-year-old nephew. He's 15 now, and it's still his favorite gift ever. But it's not really a reliable go-to gift unless you've the Octomom or the Duggers and you've always got preschoolers on your list.

2. Mexican Cocoa Pacifica Candles

I love Pacifica candles, in all sizes and fragrances. This year my favorite is Mexican Cocoa. It smells like Christmas to me, but it works to make a house smell homey – which means, to me, that it smells like you have time to bake – any time of year.

3. San Francisco Giants swag

Every year someone on my list gets some kind of San Francisco Giants swag; when my team wins the World Series, everyone gets something. That's now two out of the last three years: I'm happy about that, but it's getting expensive.

“The Hebrew Hammer”: The baddest Jew in the whole damn town!

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 21:14:00 +0000

On sad years like this one when Hanukkah falls weeks before Christmas due to the eccentricities of the lunar calendar, we Jews yearn for something — someone — to rescue our overshadowed eight-day festival from oblivion.

We yearn for something powerful and magnificent, someone to remind us that our menorahs are meaningful. That Jews are important. We yearn – dare I say – for "The Hebrew Hammer.” The “certified circumcised dick,” the “baddest Jew this side of Tel Aviv” (played by Adam Goldberg), who once saved Hanukkah from destruction by Santa’s evil son (Andy Dick). Even though it was made in 2003 and viewed in very limited release (eight theaters and Comedy Central), the film has taken on a cult status in the decade since.

And why not? This silly “Jewsploitation” film – cleverly spoofing stereotypes of Jews and Gentiles the way the “Blacksploitation” films did of blacks and whites in the 1970s – gave us our very own badass. (We hardly count Adam Sandler in “Don’t Mess with the Zohan” because Israelis – especially former Mossad agents – are always tough bastards. American Jews? Not so much.) Yes, we’ve had nebbish, neurotic leading men like Woody Allen, Ben Stiller, Larry David, et al., but they never saved nobody from nothing. And they didn’t have kick-ass slogans such as “Shabbat Shalom, Motherf**kers!”

Latke scandals and papaya salad battles

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 02:01:00 +0000

We asked members of our Kitchen Cabinet to briefly share some of their strongest holiday memories with us, and we'll share them with you all this week. Today, our resident wine experts talk about looking into their holiday kitchens and staring into the abyss.

From Steven Kolpan, professor and chairman of wine studies at the Culinary Institute of America:

Twenty-five years ago, when I was not yet a JewBu (a Jew listing toward Buddhism, a bubbaleh for Buddha), I celebrated Hanukkah with a latke party fraught with scandal and miracle.

Getting the Champagne was easy, but making the latkes was hard. I wanted them to be thin, almost crepe-like, but a thin potato batter fried in a very hot Griswold is a recipe for burning. I added more potato, more matzo meal, more onions and more eggs to bind it together, and soon the latke batter just laid there in a lump.

Obama declares war on Christmas and Hanukkah!

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:18:00 +0000

By now, the "war on Christmas" has become a familiar feature of the, um, holiday season, with right-wingers from Bill O'Reilly to Focus on the Family and even Chuck Norris seeking out and doing battle with imaginary secular humanist forces of darkness. This year, though, with a left-wing Marxist Muslim in the White House, conservatives are also worried that the Obama administration is being insufficiently solicitous toward Jews during Hanukkah.

Not to worry, though, because there are people on the case. Below, a rundown of what the forces of godless ACLU-ism are doing to ruin the season for us, and what some brave souls are doing to fight back.

Christmas

"A Republican lawmaker with a mission to save Christmas is aiming his latest salvo at President and first lady Obama, who've followed in a recent tradition to eliminate the mention of Christmas in the White House holiday cards," FoxNews.com's Todd Starnes wrote in an article published Thursday.

NBA sheds a sweet light

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 17:12:00 +0000

We know we're a little belated with this NBA Hanukkah segment from correspondent Elie Seckbach, but it's clearly too terrific to pass up just because we had a few days off. And, the heartfelt messages shouldn't expire just because the candles have burned out (Ricky Davis' "Keep 'em torched" line alone will keep our spirits up all year). There's also an extra special appearance by Paris Hilton, because, it "seems like no news report could be complete, if she's not included." Amen.

Happy Hanukkah from Arnold

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 16:18:00 +0000

"My idea, that I thought of, is to make Hanukkah a much shorter holiday," Arnold says, in this clip from arnoldspeaks.com. No more muscles, but the guy is pumped-up with plenty of ideas. Happy last night of Hanukkah, Arnold.

Zionist environmentalism

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 17:18:00 +0000

Give carbon offset provider TerraPass credit for constantly thinking of new ways to keep global warming in the spotlight. This morning, the company's newsletter contemplated the meaning of Hanukkah from an environmental perspective. The miracle of the oil that burned for eight straight days and nights "represents an early example of energy conservation with relevance to our current environmental challenges."

Have a very menstrual Christmas with ornaments made of tampons

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 16:04:00 +0000

Is your period cramping your holiday cheer? Kudos to Boing Boing for pointing out this hilarious Web site devoted to turning tampons into crafty Christmas and Chanukah decorations. Looking for a unique tree topper or menorah? Soft and absorbent ornaments? All you need are six cardboard tampon applicators, popsicle sticks, a small drill, a glue gun -- and two X chromosomes.

The Surreal Gourmet: Hanukkah soup

Fri, 19 Dec 1997 09:15:00 +0000

With Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa falling within days of each other, it can be nerve-wracking for a politically correct gourmet to keep up with what to serve when ethnically diverse friends come for dinner during the holidays.

Tracking the dietary customs of Jewish holidays can be especially confusing for well-intentioned gentiles. One holiday dinner features hard-boiled eggs, horseradish and bread that didn't rise. Regular Friday night meals feature gelatinized ground whitefish, and then there's a holiday where nobody eats at all.

During Hanukkah there are no restricted foods, only old favorites. The favored dish is potato latkes. But after a few nights, this mixture of grated potatoes, eggs and flour begins to weigh heavily in the stomach and loses its appeal. That's when chicken soup and matzo balls (made from the aforementioned unleavened bread) pick up the slack. This Jewish staple is as revered for its healing powers as it is for its comforting taste and unique texture. If you are going to master any of the traditional dishes, it may as well be this one. After all, there's a long, cold winter ahead of you.