A dear friend of many years has a kidney disease and will likely need a new kidney within a year or face dialysis or worse. She hasn't had any luck being on the organ list.

I said that I would donate a kidney to her if we are a match. But now I'm realizing that I am actually very uncomfortable with the idea. I hate doctors and hospitals, and the idea of surgery except in the most dire circumstances freaks me out. Also, I think there's a reason everyone has two kidneys; it's not just a spare part.

I like to do things that are stressful to the kidneys such as drink coffee, get drunk now and then, trip on plants that are metabolized by the kidneys and liver (this is part of my spiritual practice). Do I say nothing and hope that, come March when she's testing possible donors, we are not a match? Or do I strain the friendship by admitting to her that I have misgivings about my promise?

Willing Initially

Dear Willing Initially,

You did a good thing. You offered to help.

You may or may not be a compatible donor. But you said these words out of a genuine spirit of generosity and kindness. This is a pretty amazing thing about human beings -- that we are inclined toward helping each other. It's a good thing.

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