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“Modern Family,” the F-bomb and the power of suggestion

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:00:00 +0000

Just take some deep cleansing breaths into a paper bag. Go to your happy place of rainbows and sea otters. Because tonight, there will be bleep.

In an episode of ABC's "Modern Family" sure to corrupt your children and ruin your crops, the preschool character Lily will appear -- thanks to some clever bleeping and pixelation -- to drop the dreaded F word. The network has assured viewers that the young actress, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, really said "fudge" during taping. But that's not sufficient for the adorably named McKay Hatch, an 18-year-old Brigham Young University-Idaho student and founder of the No Cussing Club, from getting plenty of attention for his campaign to get the network to withdraw the episode. Hatch told the Associated Press that "people all over the world don't want to have a 2-year-old saying the 'F-bomb' on TV." Oh, Mr. Hatch, I don't think you've been watching enough television.

The Corner: All culture is devious propaganda

Fri, 17 Jun 2011 22:30:00 +0000

How weird and sad life must be when viewed through the eyes of Ben Shapiro, pop-culture warrior-in-residence at the National Review. It is his job to pretend (or, good lord, actually believe) that everything that appears on your TV set -- not just the news bits, but the cartoons and toothpaste commercials and laugh-tracked situation comedies -- is part of a liberal plot to destroy the American family. Here is a fun pop culture listicle, "The Top Ten TV Dads," done the National Review way: "It’s instructive because we can see the transformation of fatherhood on television reflecting the left-wing bias against traditional family roles." Oh, can we?

Ward Cleaver is the best. Mike Brady is ok, but with a caveat: "We’re already moving into the era of alternative family structures...." It seems likely that Shapiro has never watched half these shows, but did perhaps thumb through a TV Guide or flip past Nick at Nite in the early '90s:

“Modern Family”: Best comedy on TV

Sun, 14 Nov 2010 00:01:00 +0000

Hey, sitcom writers! You're hurting America -- and not because we're rolling on the floor laughing. You're still writing comedy that's so bad, it's painful. Sure, you thought that you stopped that almost a decade ago, when a huge swath of shows with names like "Two Guys, a Dog and a Jar of Mayonnaise" were swept off the air to make room for bad game shows, bad reality TV, and any other bad idea the network executives could latch onto that might save their lily-white hides from the oncoming digital revolution. Since the golden age of "Seinfeld" and "Friends," fewer and fewer sitcoms have been produced, fewer and fewer sitcom writers are gainfully employed, and the sitcom industry -- if you can really refer to a roomful of insecure narcissists trading barbs while ripping the labels off their Fiji bottles and pasting them to the walls for 12 hours a day as an "industry" -- has been squeezed beyond recognition.

Emmy nominations: Who got snubbed?

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:30:00 +0000

Joel McHale and Sofia Vergara aren't a bad way to wake up at 5:30, what with the boobs and the height and the funny, but it'd be nice if a distinctly West Coast medium like television could have the decency to operate on a more humane West Coast time. Please.

That said, I was pleasantly surprised a few times with the 2010 Emmy nominations, and was, per usual, irritated just as often. Tony Shalhoub, again, for real? (eye roll) "Two and a Half Men" taking up valuable space in any category? (bigger eye roll) And why Aaron Paul of "Breaking Bad" didn't submit his reel in the lead actor category is confounding and shameful -- Bryan Cranston is, arguably, the star of that show but this was Paul's year. His performance as the now-sober meth cooker Jesse Pinkman was, in a word, eviscerating.

Facebook’s new cause: “Modern Family’s” gay kiss

Tue, 11 May 2010 18:42:00 +0000

If a small group of thoughtful, dedicated people can get Betty White to host "Saturday Night Live," can they get two dudes to kiss?

Of the few breakout television hits this year, "Modern Family" has proven a critical and ratings darling. But despite the reliably sexed-up relationships between its hetero couples, the show has yet to let the sweetly dysfunctional Cam and Mitchell share a smooch. The point was driven home on last week's episode, when married couple Phil and Claire enjoyed a full-on smackeroo while Claire's brother Mitchell and his partner Cameron chastely hugged. Enter Facebook -- and its latest, crowd-fueled cause: the self-explanatory "Let Cam & Mitchell kiss on Modern Family!" group.

“Parenthood” fumbles, “Modern Family” triumphs

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:01:00 +0000

Parenting will turn you into someone you don't recognize. Instead of carefree but lonely you're suddenly happy but exhausted, fulfilled but overworked. Children can make you feel gloriously alive, shamefully angry, madly in love and terribly vulnerable, all within the course of a few minutes. You are their little puppet, and don't you forget it. You were brought into this world to love them, feed them, read to them and launder their little shirts – over and over and over again -- until you're very, very old.

Few TV dramas have done justice to the pleasures and pains of raising kids. "Six Feet Under" touched on the feeling of being out of touch with and disempowered by your children – first in the form of Ruth Fisher (Frances Conroy), a passive-aggressive controlling mom who struggled sweetly to find some way to connect with her smart, headstrong children, then, in Nate's (Peter Krause) attempts to battle his own avoidance and controlling urges with his daughter. ABC's "Brothers & Sisters" took these challenges and translated them into an idealized world of open, honest conversations ending in hugging, learning big important lessons and impromptu slow-dancing as a family. If this warm, fuzzy wonderland didn't feel like a fantasy to you, then please let me into your family immediately -- once I stop wretching, anyway.

What you missed: “Modern Family’s” creepy valentine

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:13:00 +0000

Unless you're young, sexy, rich, idle and madly in love -- and if you are, the rest of us would really rather not hear a word about it -- then Valentine's Day is just another excuse to buy yourself an enormous box of chocolates and eat them all in bed while watching the Olympics. Even those of us who have found our perfect love match (see also: someone easy-going enough to eat all of the pecan butter creams after we scarf down the caramels, raspberry gels and peanut butter cups) are typically too tired, broke, overworked or unimaginative to have the energy for putting on lip gloss and making goo-goo eyes over a plate of overpriced pasta.

Thankfully, the writers of "Modern Family" (see also: the best comedy on TV) understand just how slouchy and pathetic most of us are, so in honor of Valentine's Day, they present us with a glimpse of the typical married couple's flaccid efforts at romance, and how it stands it sharp contrast with the passion of dimwitted teenagers:

The best TV of 2009

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:01:00 +0000

This was the year TV dared to be odd. Comedies and dramas across the dial flirted with darkness and freaks and bizarre references and tiny subcultures and left the big, obvious, conventional stories and plotlines far behind. Instead of tolerating the same generically likable characters and bland, familiar American lives, we traveled through time and space to meet manic community college professors, polygamists struggling with money troubles, a suicidal retired CEO, a self-deprecating geek with a knack for extreme neurological makeovers and a gay couple bickering over their adopted daughter's bedroom mural.

Yes, this year, bad TV was still bad. But good TV? Good TV was smart and weird and hilarious and fun and provocative -- remarkably so. This year, TV overachieved, and instead of one or two quirky, original, suspenseful, strange shows, we had about 15 of them. If that sounds like an exaggeration, well, maybe you're watching the wrong stuff.

1. "Mad Men"

The best and worst of the new TV season

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:01:00 +0000

New TV shows usually suck. Take it from someone who watches every single one of them, every single year. Slogging through a herd of untested pilots can feel like speed dating for speed freaks: Twitchy people tell you their life stories in three seconds flat -- they laugh, they cry, they knock over their drinks, stuff blows up, ambulances arrive, roll credits. You're lucky if you escape without a migraine, let alone a venereal disease.

But this year was different. Watching this fall's new shows was like wandering through a magical bar filled with charismatic, funny people and delicious, icy-cold cocktails. Great music was playing, the mood was spirited, and everyone had a charming or poignant or funny anecdote to tell. As long as you stayed away from the ones wearing scrubs and surgical masks -- oh yeah, and the bony, Botoxed cougars -- you were sure to have a great time.

The life of the party this fall is ABC's "Modern Family." In a sea of attractive and witty guests, spewing quips and tossing back drinks, "Modern Family" (9 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC) is that unnervingly funny guy in the corner whose jokes keep making your mojito blast out of your nose. I've been waiting for this show to falter or underwhelm for weeks now, and each episode has been better than the last. Ty Burrell is consistently hysterical as hapless, pandering dad Phil. Here he is in one of my favorite scenes from the pilot:

Best new TV: “Modern Family”

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:18:00 +0000

Families are funny. Sitcoms about families are not.

Or, at least that has been the case since "Arrested Development" went off the air. Saddled with dozens of hackneyed shows trying desperately to match the wit of "Everybody Loves Raymond" but failing miserably, viewers have become so bored with the same old family shtick that many of the most successful comedies, from "30 Rock" to "The Office," are now set in the workplace.

ABC's "Modern Family" (premieres 9 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 23) borrows a thing or two from those shows -- the single-camera format, the use of a faux-documentary style where characters speak directly to the audience, the frequent veering into farce. That said, this dysfunctional family comedy really is its own unique, brilliant gem, shining among an otherwise uncomfortably mediocre haul of cheap comedic rhinestones.

Be forewarned, though. The first scene -- teenage daughter leaves house in slutty outfit -- might give the impression that this is just another bad parade of parenting clichés. But don't touch that remote, because things get very funny, very quickly, particularly from the moment that Phil (Ty Burrell), father of three, tries to act as if he speaks the same hip slang as his daughter's new suitor.

Fear of a gay planet

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 12:12:00 +0000

I'm glad there are more gay characters on TV these days. But I don't want to single the gay ones out, because that would imply that I think gay people are different than everyone else. They're not different! Gay people are just like straight people, only they're smarter and funnier and more interesting.

Also, they smell better. They've read more books, sure. And they have more friends -- that part isn't surprising. Because they're better educated, generally speaking, and also a little wiser. Like blondes, they have more fun.

When people talk about homos taking over the planet, my heart races a little faster. A planet ruled by gays! Imagine how good the scones will be!

Plus, there'll be prettier yards, less crime, more funding for the arts but less bad poetry, fewer rude, disheveled dogs roaming loose on the streets, and less weak coffee. I'm guessing there aren't many gay Hummer owners. McMansions would surely fall out of fashion, along with miniblinds, vinyl siding and Applebee's.

Everyone would be grumpier and bossier on the outside, but more kindhearted deep down inside. Complaining about your crappy day would become an acceptable form of filibustering in Congress. Neglecting your houseplants would become punishable by law.