Should I knock myself up?

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 00:00:00 +0000

Dear Cary,

I feel like my life is at a crossroads, and either direction I take is going to have major consequences. I am 33 years old, almost 34, and I just ended my umpteenth relationship. There was nothing wrong with the guy -- we just were taking different paths. I consider myself to be ultra-capable. Right now, I am working for a political organization while teaching a college course and finishing my dissertation and taking on freelance work on the side. I volunteer, I exercise, I have family and friends I love. The only thing I have felt is missing in my life is a child.

Like any woman at my age and in my situation, I always figured I would meet a man, fall in love, and have children. But, as I went out and lived my life, living overseas for a while, working in public life, extending my studies as far as they could go, it just never seemed to happen. I've dated (and dated and dated) since college, and none of them really "'clicked" with me. I have been accused of having a "strong personality" and I like to lead -- many friends think I will probably hold office one day -- and the men I tend to associate with are just uncomfortable with that in a partner. But I'm not writing for relationship advice. I think I will likely meet someone someday, or maybe not, but I can't force it.

Can childbirth cause PTSD?

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:00:00 +0000

It's the P in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that seems to trip people up. The idea that when the crisis has passed and you're ostensibly well and safe, you might still be jumpy and tearful, anxious and withdrawn. What's the matter with you, anyway? Everything is OK, isn't it? But post-traumatic stress doesn't work that way. The body doesn't care if the mind tells it there's no danger. The body doesn't care if friends and commenters on the Internet say that trauma is only for war veterans and violent crime survivors, not people who've endured otherwise survivable events. Or, as the marvelous writer Jessica Valenti explains in a heartening and incredibly brave piece about "Living in the shaky place" on Monday, "The funny thing about PTSD is that it’s a sneaky fucker."

Opening up about the PTSD that hit her after an emergency C-section and the premature birth of her daughter, Valenti writes: "The eight weeks that Layla was in the hospital – while the emergency was still in full force – I was fine." Only later did the flashbacks, the mini-blackouts and sleep deprivation kick in. Rare restful nights were no consolation, because that's when the nighmares arrived.

Salon.com > Mothering

Should I knock myself up?

Can childbirth cause PTSD?