Best new fall TV: “Nikita”

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 23:01:00 +0000

It's tough not to greet certain bits of news with preemptive disappointment. When I learned that the CW would be remaking Luc Besson's "La Femme Nikita" for the small screen, I filed it right next to reports that Lady Gaga would rather "die young and a legend" than grow old and that David Hasselhoff will be appearing on "Dancing With the Stars" this fall. Hoping for a CW version of Nikita that doesn't feature lip-glossed teenagers in matchstick jeans karate-chopping each other ineffectually feels roughly as masochistic as daring to dream that Lady Gaga might one day keep her many, many thoughts about herself to herself, or that David Hasselhoff might finally disappear into the void, never to be seen or heard from again.

Although Gaga and Hasselhoff are both likely to haunt us until they're old and gray, CW's "Nikita" remake (premieres 9 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 9) isn't nearly as awful as you'd imagine. In fact, it's remarkably good.

"How can you go wrong with a sexy female assassin?" you ask. The same way you make copycat series "The Vampire Diaries" even more bland and insipid than "Twilight" and squelch the feisty spirit of brand-new cheerleading drama "Hellcats": by pumping every scene full of limp, clichéd storylines, empty teeny-bopper banter, and blandly attractive catalog models who can't act their way out of an Abercrombie & Fitch bag.

Julie Strain: Ultravixen!

Thu, 11 May 2000 16:00:00 +0000

"I order you into my Judgment Box to have sex with your French maid while your wife is forced to watch!"

Judge Julie has spoken. So let it be written, so let it be done.

No, not Judge Judy, the battle-ax from the popular daytime TV show of the same name. Praise be, it's Judge Julie, the 6-foot-1 dominatrix who rules Playboy TV's href="http://www.playboy.com/pbtv/sex_court/">"Sex Court" with an iron hand and a stiletto heel.

Played by B-movie siren href="http://www.juliestrain.com/">Julie Strain, the woman you're most likely to see on cable after 11 p.m. kicking ass in a bustier, Judge Julie listens to plaintiffs and defendants atop an ornate golden throne while being ministered to by a buxom, foot-worshipping bailiff in skivvies (porn star Alexandra Silk) and a tall, thin, Russian-blond court reporter who often wears nothing at all (adult film actress Nikita).

They say justice is blind. If so, it's going to miss out on all the action on the first and third Fridays of the month when new episodes premiere. The campy half-hour romp parodies those lame-o "People's Court"-type programs by forcing warring plaintiffs to get naked and get busy after their cases are heard. This way, unlike in the real justice system, everyone's a winner.

Salon.com > Nikita

Best new fall TV: “Nikita”

Julie Strain: Ultravixen!