Salon.com > Psychology http://www.salon.com Wed, 30 May 2012 06:12:34 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 We were breast-fed really late http://www.salon.com/2012/05/21/we_were_breast_fed_really_late/ http://www.salon.com/2012/05/21/we_were_breast_fed_really_late/#comments Mon, 21 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12922803 Dear Cary,

I don't know how to put this any way but bluntly, so here goes. My mom let me and my brother breast-feed really, really late-- until we were 4 or 5. She let us touch and play with her breasts for years after that. She never told us what sex was, and later when I found out for myself, my body changing on its own, I felt revulsion at the all-too-recent memories of how I touched, and wanted to touch, my own mother. I hated that she hadn't stopped me.

Now I'm 18 and have a little sister. Just like with me and my older brother, Mom breast-fed her really late, and now at 9 years old, my sister still likes to feel my mother's breasts. My sister is my mom's last child, and so in several areas Mom persists in regarding her as a baby.

I try to understand my mom. I realize the idea of her last kid growing up must be scary and depressing. But this behavior is disgusting to watch or even to know it is going on when you're not there. Additionally, it's delusional and perverse to excuse, and even encourage, such behavior in a growing young woman on the grounds that she's an infant. Who knows why I wanted, and now my sister wants, to touch my mother's breasts at age 9? Certainly not because we wanted to breast-feed. But Mom's so convinced of my sister's innocence that she refuses to consider she could be encouraging inappropriate impulses that my sister is too unaware to understand.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/05/21/we_were_breast_fed_really_late/feed/ 71 Life is empty at the top http://www.salon.com/2012/04/25/life_is_empty_at_the_top/ http://www.salon.com/2012/04/25/life_is_empty_at_the_top/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12908963 Dear Cary,

I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with me. I'm not yet 30 and have a great job, a great apartment and the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want. I'm debt-free, travel a lot, eat out for lunch and dinner most days and buy whatever I want. I should point out that I live abroad, having moved thousands of miles away from home after college to chase something. To make a long story short, I started from scratch, built a life, worked my way up and through three jobs, with my eye always on something bigger. I built up massive credit card debt in the process, but that's all paid off now. I'm a totally free man. In a way, I've achieved everything I had been working to obtain. My work is interesting and fast-paced. Family and friends admire me. I live in an exotic locale as an expat. I honestly don't know many other people my age who are as advanced or comfortable in their careers. So many people I went to college with are still making $10 an hour, interning, or even living with their parents, not including those who are still in school pursuing a second or third advanced degree! I'm good-looking and healthy.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/04/25/life_is_empty_at_the_top/feed/ 47 My deathbed second thoughts http://www.salon.com/2012/04/22/my_deathbed_second_thoughts/ http://www.salon.com/2012/04/22/my_deathbed_second_thoughts/#comments Sun, 22 Apr 2012 16:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12893711 I walk into our kitchen. My mother is standing at the kitchen sink, whistling to the red cardinals in the plumeria tree. As I hurry to slip past her, she turns and looks at me as though her gaze could wrap its arms around me. “I love you so much,” she says softly. I roll my eyes and tsk, responding as an independent 13-year-old striking out to sever the umbilical cord. My mother is cut down to silence.

Without warning, a week later my 8-year-old brother wakes me in the morning saying, “Mommy’s sick, and she’s throwing up.” I respond as I think she would and bring her a tray with cinnamon-sugar toast and orange juice. I tell her I will take my brothers down to the playground so she can sleep. When we return three hours later, her bed is empty. There is a note from a neighbor that she has taken my mother to the hospital. A neighbor comes over to stay with us while our father is with our mother in the hospital long into the night. It is a long, lonely day and night without answers. I write a letter to God trying to describe my confusion and asking God to let her come home.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/04/22/my_deathbed_second_thoughts/feed/ 7 Look at my scars http://www.salon.com/2012/04/11/look_at_my_scars/ http://www.salon.com/2012/04/11/look_at_my_scars/#comments Wed, 11 Apr 2012 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12840571 "Do I freak you out?" she had asked.

It was the kind of question adults rarely pose. But Abigail (a pseudonym, like some other names in this piece) is 8, and she doesn't have any qualms about being direct. The person she was asking, my daughter Beatrice, likewise didn't hesitate in her reply.

Abigail is new to our school this year. She is in every way a typical second-grader, except that she was born without a left hand. It's a trait that makes her undeniably noticeable, and so, sometimes, people ask questions. Sometimes Abigail has questions of her own. Sometimes, when you're different, you want to know.

When Bea told me what Abigail had inquired about a few weeks ago, I'd winced a little, wondering how my child had answered. Had she passed whatever test Abigail was giving? I know how frank Bea can be, how she walks behind me when we're out in public, checking whether the shiny, taut expanse of bare skin on my scalp is visible. "Mom, your bald spot," she'll say when we're in a restaurant, fussing with locks to try to hide the five-centimeter circle where, a year and a half ago, I had surgery to remove cancer.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/04/11/look_at_my_scars/feed/ 20 I’m the meltdown master — I panic constantly http://www.salon.com/2012/03/01/im_the_meltdown_master_i_panic_constantly/ http://www.salon.com/2012/03/01/im_the_meltdown_master_i_panic_constantly/#comments Thu, 01 Mar 2012 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12457051 Hey, Cary,

I have a problem with nerves, but no health insurance and very little money to spare for therapy, even on a sliding scale, so maybe you can give me some free insights.

Whenever I end up in any kind of remotely adversarial or stressful situation -- and by adversarial, I mean something as minor as having to say no to someone for any reason -- I find myself having a strong physical response.  I don't know if you could quite call it a panic attack, but my heart starts pounding, my hands and voice start shaking, and I start to sweat profusely.

No matter how many breathing exercises I do or how hard I push myself through it or how much I try to coach myself through it mentally, this physical response just keeps happening, and it doesn't ever seem to weaken.  If anything, the more I push myself, the worse it gets.  It's like my fear of my own response plus the response itself combine to form this infinite feedback loop of crazy.

You can see how this might be a problem if, every time I try to be assertive or resolve something, I end up a damp, quivering, wreck and have to go sit down for a while and have a drink of water.  And maybe a shower.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/03/01/im_the_meltdown_master_i_panic_constantly/feed/ 51 The science of rubbernecking http://www.salon.com/2012/02/18/the_science_of_rubbernecking/ http://www.salon.com/2012/02/18/the_science_of_rubbernecking/#comments Sat, 18 Feb 2012 14:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12377801 “Don’t look.”

That’s what she asked, more than once. I heard her distinctly each time, and told myself I should oblige, and even once partially turned my head in her direction, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. I engrossed myself again, and again submitted to the anger, the sorrow, the fear, as well as guilt’s perverse pleasure: I felt that I shouldn’t be doing this, but I was doing it anyway, and got a peevish thrill from my transgression.

It was evening, dinnertime, and this had been going on since morning, right before I left for work. I had just finished breakfast. I had my satchel over my shoulder. It contained my books for that day’s class (on Keats’s “To Autumn”) and also my lunch (a peanut butter sandwich). I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave, when Sandi, my wife, ran up to me, phone in hand, and said, “Turn on the TV.”

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/02/18/the_science_of_rubbernecking/feed/ 17 The thrill of blaming others http://www.salon.com/2012/01/29/the_thrill_of_blaming_others/ http://www.salon.com/2012/01/29/the_thrill_of_blaming_others/#comments Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12242101 The ritual of the scapegoat goes back right to the beginning of mankind. Every early culture had ceremonies in which they removed sin from the community. These varied greatly, but one thing was constant – the idea that sin was a definite entity that could be transferred from being to being, or object, and that wrongdoing could be washed away. As a species, we’re obsessed by purity. All belief systems are not just devices we use to make sense of the world, they allow us to hope that we can return to a state of innocence. The ancients believed that spirits surrounded us, residing in plants, rocks and animals. The Romans had their sacred groves, while the Arabs thought the desert to be populated by the jinn. A widespread confusion between the physical and the mental led to a firm belief in the transmission of evil. In "The Golden Bough" Sir James Frazer describes many examples of this from all over the world.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/01/29/the_thrill_of_blaming_others/feed/ 16 I can dream, but I’m stuck on the implementation phase! http://www.salon.com/2012/01/12/i_can_dream_but_im_stuck_on_the_implementation_phase/ http://www.salon.com/2012/01/12/i_can_dream_but_im_stuck_on_the_implementation_phase/#comments Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=12091621 Dear Cary,

I'm exhausted and desperate. All the time. You might think it wouldn't be possible to feel such intense emotional states all the time, but that's where I am. Because if exhaustion and despair are the lack of energy and hope, I'm at a big zero.

Cary, I'm a young(ish) adult who is unemployed (partly by choice) and chronically depressed. Before you tell me to go get some damned medication, I have. And I take it. And it does help because it hurts less when I take it. But it doesn't fix the existential problem, which is a fancy way of saying I just don't want to exist.

It's not always like this. A month or so I thought of some life options that could fill me with energy and hope. Just THINKING about them helped. But now I'm having trouble following through. I'm scared that I'm going to sabotage myself again like I've been doing all my life -- turning away from things I really want because I'm afraid I won't get them or, worse, just unwilling to do anything serious to make them happen.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2012/01/12/i_can_dream_but_im_stuck_on_the_implementation_phase/feed/ 18 Therapists revolt against psychiatry’s bible http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/therapists_revolt_against_psychiatrys_bible/ http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/therapists_revolt_against_psychiatrys_bible/#comments Tue, 27 Dec 2011 21:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10813721 Anyone who’s ever tried to get reimbursed by a health insurance company after seeing a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, or taking a child or teenager to one, has no doubt noticed the incomprehensible numbers that appear on the clinician’s statement, perhaps preceding some slightly less imponderable phrase.

Maybe you are a 296.22 (major depressive disorder, single episode, mild) or a 300.00 (anxiety disorder NOS--not otherwise specified). Hopefully, you are not a 301.83 (borderline personality disorder). Your kid might be a 313.81 (oppositional defiant disorder) or, more likely, a 314.01 (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type).

Since 1952, a tome called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, better known as the DSM, has been reducing to a few digits the psychological malady said to afflict a patient. This bible of mental health treatment, published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA), provides a list and description of every mental health condition known to—or invented by—psychiatry, from histrionic personality disorder (301.50) to transvestic fetishism (302.3).

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/therapists_revolt_against_psychiatrys_bible/feed/ 49 Why we make bad decisions http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/why_we_make_bad_decisions/ http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/why_we_make_bad_decisions/#comments Tue, 27 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10702121 What role do our surroundings have in the choices we make? Consider the fact that we are more likely to commit a “random” act of kindness toward a person who has already done something kind toward us. We are less likely to help someone in serious trouble when we’re in a crowd, or choose different professions based on the sound and spelling of our first names. It turns out the context in which we make our decisions has a huge impact on their outcomes.

In his new book "Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World," author Sam Sommers, an associate professor of psychology at Tufts University, looks at what context can teach us about everything from test questions to romantic partners to career choices. Sommers offers a fascinating glimpse into the way our most important judgments are framed by the world around us.

Salon spoke with Sommers over the phone about Occupy Wall Street, online dating and Penn State's Joe Paterno riot.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/12/27/why_we_make_bad_decisions/feed/ 22 My psychoanalyst’s twisted final session http://www.salon.com/2011/12/06/my_psychoanalysts_twisted_final_session/ http://www.salon.com/2011/12/06/my_psychoanalysts_twisted_final_session/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10281908 It was with some trepidation that I called Dr. M.

I had read his articles in various psychoanalytic journals and heard his name tossed around at conferences and institutes. He was one of the princes of psychoanalysis and supervision, a member of the old school. He knew people who had been analyzed by Freud and was a colleague of some of the last century’s bad/good boys of psychoanalysis – Hyman Spotnitz, Lou Ormont, Ethel Clevans, Phyllis Meadow.

Nineteen years I had been with a previous analyst and supervisor with whom I had an irreparable break. Nineteen years may sound like a long time for most people, but in the rarefied world of New York psychoanalysis, 19 years is merely a beginning.

Finally, I had made the phone call. And now I was at Dr. M's Upper West Side office for my interview. I had built a practice that was already sizable, but would I rate for his famous supervision group?

I had arrived about 10 minutes early and expected to read in the waiting room until the appointed hour. By tradition, an analyst will open his door precisely at the right time, neither early nor late.

To my surprise, he came out 10 minutes before our appointment time. Anticipating a silent rebuke I quickly said, “I apologize for coming early.”

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/12/06/my_psychoanalysts_twisted_final_session/feed/ 34 David Cronenberg: It’s as if my old movies don’t exist http://www.salon.com/2011/12/03/david_cronenberg_its_as_if_my_old_movies_dont_exist/ http://www.salon.com/2011/12/03/david_cronenberg_its_as_if_my_old_movies_dont_exist/#comments Sat, 03 Dec 2011 22:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10282986 There are many reasons why David Cronenberg is a beloved interview subject for film journalists, and of course the quality, vitality and breadth of his movies have an awful lot to do with it. Beyond that, though, the Canadian director whose career stretches from near-experimental horror films like "Shivers" (better known in the United States as "They Came From Within") and "Videodrome" to more recent collaborations like "A History of Violence" and "Eastern Promises" is a genuine intellectual in a realm crowded with poseurs and pretenders. He can talk easily about almost any topic you bring up; if he hadn't turned out to be one of the premier cinematic visionaries of his generation, it'd be easy to imagine him as a writer or philosopher or historian.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/12/03/david_cronenberg_its_as_if_my_old_movies_dont_exist/feed/ 27 When psychoanalysis met female sexual desire http://www.salon.com/2011/11/22/when_psychoanalysis_met_female_sexual_desire/ http://www.salon.com/2011/11/22/when_psychoanalysis_met_female_sexual_desire/#comments Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:30:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10234110 As long as he keeps on working, David Cronenberg will no doubt be dogged by fans of his early work grumbling that he doesn't make David Cronenberg films anymore. He's got plenty to say about his gradual career shift from visionary horror auteur to literary-minded craftsman of psychological drama (I'll get my recent interview with Cronenberg up next week), but here's a tidbit for you longtime fans: He dates the turning point all the way back to 1983. That's when he directed "The Dead Zone," with a script by Jeffrey Boam based on a Stephen King novel, and figured out that it could be satisfying to make movies whose stories hadn't originated in his own head. All but one of his films since then (the exception being "eXistenZ" in 1999) have been written by someone else, and beginning with "M. Butterfly" in 1993 he has moved away from horror and science fiction, perhaps permanently.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/11/22/when_psychoanalysis_met_female_sexual_desire/feed/ 18 No one knows how crazy I am but me http://www.salon.com/2011/10/28/no_one_knows_how_crazy_i_am_but_me/ http://www.salon.com/2011/10/28/no_one_knows_how_crazy_i_am_but_me/#comments Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10150274 Dear Cary,

That last letter about the artist about to explode cemented my resolve to write you a letter of my own, which I have been contemplating for some time. I am an artist that exploded a long time ago, and have been desperately trying to piece myself together ever since.

The kicker is, everyone thinks I'm fine. In this world, if you don't lose your shit in one of the socially expected ways, then you must be fine. But I'M NOT FINE.

Over a decade ago, when I exploded, I was burning the candle at both ends, figuring that I would find someplace to land before the whole thing ran out of wick. Just as the candle was about to go out, I got to the place that I thought would mean I was safe ... and the floor got yanked out from under me. I fell. Really hard. I tried to kill myself. My friends and family told me "they had no idea" anything was wrong with me. And that is what is still in play today: I don't show people what they would expect for someone who is struggling as I am, and so they don't think I am struggling.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/10/28/no_one_knows_how_crazy_i_am_but_me/feed/ 127 “Sybil Exposed”: Memory, lies and therapy http://www.salon.com/2011/10/16/sybil_exposed_memory_lies_and_therapy/ http://www.salon.com/2011/10/16/sybil_exposed_memory_lies_and_therapy/#comments Sun, 16 Oct 2011 18:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10113347 Debbie Nathan's "Sybil Exposed" is about psychiatric fads, outrageous therapeutic malpractice, thwarted ambition run amok, and several other subjects, but above all, it is a book about a book. Specifically, that book is "Sybil," purportedly the true story of a woman with 16 personalities. First published in 1973, "Sybil" remains in print after selling over 6 million copies in the U.S. alone.

A work of high Midwestern gothic trash, "Sybil" might have been purpose-built to enthrall 14-year-old girls of morbid temperament (which is probably the majority of 14-year-old girls, come to think of it). I would not be surprised to learn that it is circulated as avidly on middle-school playgrounds today as it was in my own youth. My sisters, my friends and I all devoured it, discussing its heroine's baroque sufferings in shocked whispers before promptly forgetting all about it until the TV movie starring Sally Field came along.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/10/16/sybil_exposed_memory_lies_and_therapy/feed/ 127 People think I’m fine but I’m not http://www.salon.com/2011/10/15/people_think_im_fine_but_im_not/ http://www.salon.com/2011/10/15/people_think_im_fine_but_im_not/#comments Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10114132 Dear Reader,

May I just say that the very first Since You Asked column debuted Oct. 17, 2001, which makes Oct. 17, 2011, the 10th anniversary of this column, and that I am in some way celebrating? And that you, too, may feel free to celebrate, in any fashion you choose? (I have known of this impending anniversary for a few weeks and imagined elaborate fireworks displays and so forth, but with so many competing activities right now, a simple acknowledgment will have to do.)

Dear Cary,

I have been wanting to write to you for a while, but I always put it off because I think I can fix it myself or that the feeling will pass. As time wears on, I no longer believe that I can.

I am soon to graduate from a big, expensive university with a middling GPA. As I slog my way through this semester, I find myself feeling ever more hopeless and withdrawn. Upon arriving on campus freshman year, I promptly had a complete nervous breakdown. I was a thousand miles away from home, surrounded by all these golden children of Westchester and Greenwich, and I couldn't handle it. I begged my parents to withdraw me from school, but they couldn't comprehend why I would react in such a way. I stuck it out through freshman, sophomore and junior year at the same school. I was miserable each and every single day the entire time.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/10/15/people_think_im_fine_but_im_not/feed/ 27 Keira Knightley talks about Freud, Jung, Cronenberg and spanking http://www.salon.com/2011/10/05/keira_knightley_talks_about_freud_jung_cronenberg_and_spanking/ http://www.salon.com/2011/10/05/keira_knightley_talks_about_freud_jung_cronenberg_and_spanking/#comments Wed, 05 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.origin.railrode.net/?p=10103548 If it seems ludicrous to talk about Keira Knightley moving into a new phase of her career at the ripe old age of 26, it's nonetheless true. Knightley was thrust into international stardom as an actress, model, cover girl and celebrated beauty at an extraordinarily young age; she was 13 when she played the Decoy Queen to Natalie Portman's Queen Amidala in "Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace," and 17 when she starred in both "Bend It Like Beckham" and the first "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie. Ever since then, Knightley has been a polarizing pop-culture figure, with millions of fans and seemingly just as many detractors. She has been promoted by lad-mags like Maxim or FHM as an object of fantasy and attacked by some feminists and Fleet Street tabloids, for essentially the same reasons: She is skinny and striking, she emanates poshness and upper-class privilege, she became very famous very young for reasons that had little to do with her acting.

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/10/05/keira_knightley_talks_about_freud_jung_cronenberg_and_spanking/feed/ 7 Movie scenes that make you emotional http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/funny_sad_movie_scenes/ http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/funny_sad_movie_scenes/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:02:00 +0000 http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/feature/2011/07/26/funny_sad_movie_scenes Earlier today, I posted on a 1995 study that singled out movie scenes for their tendency to provoke strong emotions -- sadness, amusement, anger, fear, etc. Noting that the relevant research is now more than 15 years old, I asked readers which movie scenes from the past decade and a half make them particularly emotional.

Here are some of the scenes you recommended in response (with a few suggestions from members of Salon's culture team thrown in):

[Warning: Some of these clips contain explicit language]

Scenes that make you laugh

McLovin's fake ID, from "Superbad" (2007)

Paperboy on his bike, from "While You Were Sleeping" (1995; recommended by FyrPhrase) :

Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) on San Diego, from "Anchorman" (2004; recommended by Waydean):

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/funny_sad_movie_scenes/feed/ 26 The scenes guaranteed to make you laugh and cry — in 1995 http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/film_emotion_study/ http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/film_emotion_study/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:30:00 +0000 http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/feature/2011/07/26/film_emotion_study In a study (pdf) published in 1995, James J. Gross and Robert W. Levenson identified the movie scenes likely to provoke the most intense emotions from viewers. Smithsonian discussed the study last week, explaining the contribution of Gross and Levenson's work to modern psychology ("the final scene of 'The Champ' has become a must-see in psychology laboratories around the world when scientists want to make people sad," Richard Chin writes) -- and it's since been featured on Moviefone and New York magazine's Vulture.

Here's the gist of Gross and Levenson's experiment, from their abstract:

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]]> http://www.salon.com/2011/07/26/film_emotion_study/feed/ 38 Pick of the week: The chimp they tried to turn human http://www.salon.com/2011/07/08/project_nim/ http://www.salon.com/2011/07/08/project_nim/#comments Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:01:00 +0000 http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/andrew_ohehir/2011/07/07/project_nim If your cultural memory goes back to the 1970s, here's what you already know, or think you know, about the subject of James Marsh's film "Project Nim": An infant chimpanzee called Nim -- or Nim Chimpsky, in joking homage to linguist Noam Chomsky -- was raised entirely by humans and taught elements of American Sign Language, as part of an experiment that aimed to determine whether an ape could acquire language the same way we do. (If one could, that might disprove Chomsky's contention that humans are uniquely hard-wired for language.) The results of the experiment were controversial at the time and remain so today. Herbert Terrace, the Columbia University psychologist who designed the project, ultimately decided that Nim hadn't gotten anywhere near a syntactical understanding of human language and used his vocabulary of 125 or so signs merely as a primitive code to achieve short-term goals, such as a piece of fruit or a play session.

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