In anticipation of her new tell-all memoir, "Drinking and Tweeting: And Other Brandi Blunders," the perennially outspoken Brandi Glanville is opening up about her very public and messy divorce from actor Eddie Cibrian. In her book, the 40-year-old mother of two reveals that after Cibrian left her for singer LeAnn Rimes in 2009, "I decided that since Eddie ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one ... A week after the vaginal rejuvenation surgery, he was on the phone screaming, 'What the f--k cost you $12,000? Did you get a nose job?'" She also bought herself a new set of breasts. Ah, I still remember when a big breakup just meant gluing crystals onto your vajayjay till it "shined like a disco ball." Simpler times.

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The Glanville-Harvey nuptials were clearly never meant to be more than a lighthearted lark, some attention-getting fodder for the Twitter streams. In an interview on the Crooklyn's Corner blog, Harvey explained that alcohol was "some sort of a factor." "We were in Vegas, and we wanted to do the classic Vegas thing," he said. "On the way to the chapel, I'm reading on my iPad, doing a quick Google search on annulments in Nevada." Because if you can't have a marriage that lasts as long as a Woot! deal, what's the point of living in this country anyway?

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