2. Celebrity story involving airlines and urine of the day: When Gerard Depardieu wasn't allowed to use the toilet during takeoff, he peed all over fellow passengers on an Air France flight. Says Air France spokesperson: "I confirm the fact that he [Depardieu] did indeed urinate in the plane." That is all.

3. "Gwyneth Paltrow saved my life on 9/11" story of the day: Wait, really? I could almost forgive Paltrow for her multitude of sins if she acted heroically on Sept. 11. So let's check it out:

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Dunn and his passenger, a Navy SEAL named Zachary Hartwell, skidded off the road at 3 a.m. in Dunn's Porsche. The car was going approximately 132-140 mph when it hit a tree, causing the vehicle to catch on fire. Their deaths were caused by "blunt and thermal trauma," according to the autopsy report.

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As it turns out, the answer is "yes" and "yes." While some comedians actually provided clever and insightful commentary on yesterday's news, far more went the easy route and just added to the deafening roar of bloodthirsty pro-America shouting. Today we look back and find the good, the bad and the ugly of celebrity Twitter reactions to Osama's death.

First, there was the "What about ME?" response: Both Lily Allen and The Rock celebrated their birthdays yesterday and didn't want that fact to get overshadowed in all the hubbub.

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I don't claim the review makes its case with perfect clarity, and I didn't expect many people to agree completely. Being forcefully told that you're full of crap goes with the job description, especially in an inherently subjective endeavor like movie criticism. I was gratified that a lot of people read the review, and e-mailed or Tweeted it onward -- and was somewhere between flattered and startled that Roger Ebert posted a lengthy takedown of my review on his Chicago Sun-Times blog. Like almost everyone in this insular field, I venerate Roger as a passionate movie lover, a generous spirit, and an old-school journalist who has made the transition to new media and now pretty much owns the joint.

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Four years after cancer surgery left the famed film critic unable to speak or eat, Ebert is publishing a cookbook dedicated to rice cookers, a kitchen appliance he lovingly calls "The Pot" and champions as an answer for those strapped for cash, time and counter space.

"To be sure, health problems have prevented me from eating," Ebert writes in the book. "That did not discourage my cooking. It became an exercise more pure, freed of biological compulsion."

The idea for the book came after a 2008 blog post he wrote about rice cookers prompted hundreds of comments, with many readers including their favorite recipes. "I think I was somewhat frustrated by not being able to eat and I wanted to live vicariously," the 68-year-old said during an interview at his Chicago home, his laptop computer speaking his typed answers.

The book includes many of those comments, as well as more than two dozen recipes for dishes such as chili, risotto, jambalaya and oatmeal -- Ebert's favorite. He took a witty and funny tone when writing it; he says he didn't want it to sound too specialized or difficult.

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The famous movie reviewer wrote Thursday on his Chicago Sun-Times blog that he can't give details, but they're "deeply involved" in talks. Ebert says they've held video tests with potential hosts and they know who they will use. He says the new show would have a strong presence online.

The Pulitzer Prize-winning reviewer writes that he would like to make "occasional appearances" on the air. Ebert lost his ability to speak after cancer surgery.

Ebert also writes: "the Thumbs will return," referring to the well-known "thumbs up" and "thumbs down" reviews.

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On the Net:

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/

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Tuesday, on his old pal Oprah Winfrey's show, Ebert made a rare television appearance and "spoke" for the first time in almost four years -- about cancer, about childhood memories, and about the best movies of the year. Though multiple surgeries have robbed him of his power of speech and his ability to eat and drink (he gets his nutrition via a feeding tube now) – the 67-year-old remains as opinionated – and overscheduled – as ever.

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Roger Ebert, himself a 40-year veteran of the Sun-Times, has penned a thank-you note to O'Reilly for the inclusion of the paper. Ebert sure has a funny -- literally and figuratively -- way of showing his appreciation, though:

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When I called to interview him for Salon, listed on his site as an "apparatchik far-left" publication practically in league with Islamists, the former Salon columnist was strangely eager to appease me. Famous for breathing fire in public before admiring college Republicans, he scampered when I confronted him about his site's claims, even promising to rewrite some of them.

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I was born in Nicaragua, in a country where we had a dictatorship for 43 years. I grew up as a child not knowing what free elections meant. I longed through those years to be able to live in a country that abides by the principles of democracy. I used to think that America was a place where the will of the people elected a president. Having observed elections in third-world countries and having observed the irregularities that took place in the elections in America, I saw similarities. If a parallel situation had taken place in a third-world country, we would have called it fraud. We would have called for reelections or a recounting of the votes.

This is not a shining moment for American democracy because, in the end, Americans have opted to preserve the institutions rather than to preserve democracy. Vice President Gore was pushed into a wall. From every side they urged him to be gracious and to come out and concede defeat. But the truth, which we all know, was that this election was won by Gore, and that President-elect Bush is usurping the position of the presidency. He has stolen the presidency from Gore. I think a lot of people are frightened and too cautious of using plain English. The American media is afraid to use the word "fraud." Why? It is important for Americans who believe in democracy, its principles and independent legal institutions to speak up.

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Adding to the pain and anger was the irony that Lennon had only recently emerged from several years of withdrawal to produce a new album, "Double Fantasy," the initial track of which was titled "(Just Like) Starting Over." The record contained a number of superlative songs, such as "Woman," "Watching the Wheels" and "Beautiful Boy." Lennon was still involved in a media blitz on its behalf when he was shot by Mark David Chapman at the entrance to New York's Dakota Building at 1 W. 72nd St., where he was living with his wife, Yoko Ono, and their son, Sean.

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Listen to "From Degas to dot-com," the second annual celebration of Salon's weekly profile series "Brilliant Careers."

Real Audio [Duration: 80:52 min]

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Whether it was Bush's carping about "fuzzy math" or Gore's incessant deep sighing, undecided voters who went into the debate looking for answers seemed to walk away just as undecided. Even some of Salon's carnivorous partisans walked away disappointed, giving the performance a thumbs-down.

Camille Paglia is an author and a Salon columnist.

My first reaction to last night's presidential debate was relief that, should he be elected, George W. Bush will not be as totally inarticulate and brain-cell-deficient as we have had abundant reason to fear over the past year. Bush's performance was occasionally shaky but competent, and he stressed his key issues in plain, common-sense language that probably connected with many voters outside the Northeastern media loop.

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During Wednesday's debate with Hatewatch founder David Goldman, Ebert said he doesn't believe violence directly results from either film or Internet images: "Lee Harvey Oswald didn't have a Web site," he said. Yet it is ill-advised, he argued, to provide hate-seekers an online roadmap to the sites. "It's very easy to find it on the Web, but I don't know that we should make it any easier."

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Backstreet Boys wannabes from around the country audition to become the next boy band thing in Making the Band (9 p.m. Fri., ABC), a new series from the creators of "The Real World" that could turn into the (extremely) guilty pleasure of the season. Chris Carter's sci-fi series Harsh Realm (9 p.m. Fri., FX), which aired for only a couple of weeks on Fox, moves to FX, which will run the remaining never-aired episodes. Scott Bairstow stars as a soldier caught in a virtual reality war game. Academy Award nominee Michael Caine is interviewed on Dateline NBC (9 p.m. Fri., NBC). In case you missed it last week, the first episode of The Beat (9 p.m. Sun., UPN), a cop show from Tom Fontana and Barry Levinson of "Homicide" fame, has another showing. It's no "Homicide," but the two leads (Mark Ruffalo and Derek Cecil) grow on you. On The Sopranos (9 p.m. Sun., HBO), Uncle Junior has a new girlfriend (uh-oh) and Tony goes legit until the heat dies down. Bill Maher hosts a post-Oscars Politically Incorrect After Party (check local listings, Sun., ABC), with guests Chris Isaak, Arsenio Hall and Mr. Movie Fone, among others.

Specials

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The film, released through Disney's Touchstone Pictures, follows Tim Robbins, Gary Sinise and Don Cheadle through a space trip to the Red Planet, a disaster, and then a rescue mission that finds evidence of the origins of life on earth. The critics were unanimous in hooting at the film's ketchup-bottle pace, mind-numbing script and wooden performances. They also dismissed its New Age sentimentality and undifferentiated thematic amalgamation of, among other things, "2001: A Space Odyssey," "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," "The Abyss," "Contact" and "The Mummy."

Mitchell's review is among the nicest, actually. "After a couple of hours spinning around listening to this drivel," writes the Washington Post's Michael O'Sullivan, "I felt like I was going to barf."

Big-budget Hollywood actioners have been kicked around the solar system by critics before, of course -- take "Armageddon." But "Armageddon" made hundreds of millions of dollars for Disney. "Mission to Mars" lacks big stars (Robbins, Sinise and Cheadle, respected though they are, don't exactly make the multiplexes go cha-ching), and thus far audience reactions have been mixed as well.

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But when Bill Clinton made a guest appearance to talk about films on "Roger Ebert & the Movies" Sunday night, he was surprisingly relaxed -- hardly at all like a public figure trying to act like a regular guy. Maybe that was because the president seems to have actually put some thought into why he likes the movies he does. And even if you disagreed with his taste, you would have to admit that he did a better job articulating his opinions than your average dinner party guest. As for seeing "everything," Clinton did mention "Comedian Harmonists," a 1997 Austrian-German picture about a 1930s singing group of the same name. This isn't a guy who limits himself to the new releases rack at Blockbuster.

Nor is Clinton a guy who merely drops the names of foreign films just to sound enlightened. He loves the perennial American favorites "High Noon" and "Casablanca," and had some insightful things to say about both "American Beauty" and "Fight Club," two pictures that anyone could have seen at a suburban multiplex.

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The new sci-fi series The Others (10 p.m. Sat., NBC), created by former "X-Files" hands Glen Morgan and James Wong, has to do with a diverse group of people who can communicate with the dead. Futurama (7 p.m. Sun., Fox) moves into a new time slot with an episode about mating season for crustacean Dr. Zoidberg. On The Simpsons (8 p.m. Sun., Fox), the family visits the state fair, where Lisa learns yet again that life sucks and Bart comes into the possession of a racehorse. Felicity (8 p.m. Sun., WB) visits a therapist to unravel her feelings about her parents' breakup. The X-Files (9 p.m. Sun., Fox) gets back to the "what really happened to Mulder's sister" plot line with a two-parter about the mysterious abduction of another young girl. Masterpiece Theatre (check local times, Sun., PBS) has a new two-part adaptation of "Madame Bovary," starring Frances O'Connor ("Mansfield Park") as the adulterous title character. Tony goes to Italy to take care of some family business on The Sopranos (9 p.m. Sun., HBO). The Practice (10 p.m. Sun., ABC) concludes its two-parter with the firm resorting to Plan B in its defense of a Los Angeles murderer.

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Kehr, who has been freelancing since being sacked by the News at the end of '98, sounded relieved to have found a steady gig. "It's been a long time and I'm glad something really good came through," he said from his home in lower Manhattan. "I've been out of work for about a year now." When the New York Times was searching for a replacement for Janet Maslin last year, Kehr was considered a likely contender. (The job ultimately went to two critics, Elvis Mitchell and A.O. Scott.)

"Dave Kehr is one of the most gifted film critics in America," said fellow Chicagoan Roger Ebert when told of Kehr's hire. "I felt he was a natural for jobs at the New York Times and elsewhere. He's one of those 'Doc Films' types from the University of Chicago -- he'd apparently seen every film ever made by the age of 20 -- and he has a sensibility that is open to directors who are doing new things."

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