Below is the interview Tiger gave to a CBS affiliate this week.

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Still, I couldn’t help thinking Woods had some of this coming — not when he was revealed to be a cheater (that’s none of my business) but when he used his dead father, Earl, in his Nike comeback ad. Until then, I mostly resisted moralizing. I found his February apology — his recommitment to Buddhism, his insisting he was still out of golf, his long embrace with his mother — believable and moving. So I admit I felt a little punked when he announced his return so soon (and hired Iraq war salesman Ari Fleischer to boot). But, whatever, it’s his business.

Then, when he not only used his father in the Nike ad, but worse, asked the world to participate in his alleged story of redemption — “Have you learned anything?” — all to sell some Nike gear? I felt like, what the hell, Tiger’s made his whole mess our business. Have you learned anything, Tiger? I sort of doubt it.

OK, moralizing over. But with that ad, Woods gave up his privacy and made himself fair game. People are going to be asking him “have you learned anything?” for a long time — and making funny mash-ups of that ad, too. My favorite Tweet Sunday came from the always hilarious pourmecoffee, who joked that Earl Woods was now asking: “How do you miss that putt? I’m a ghost and I could make that. Let’s go to Hooters.”

I declare the Masters fallout a first for America: This marks the day sports media celebrated an athlete’s matrimonial success at the expense of his rival’s. Call it ecstatic putt-putt tut-tut. Here’s a reaction rundown:

• The Boston Herald’s Ron Borges wants you to know about Phil’s “reward”: “The guy in the black cap and the white hat won the 74th Masters yesterday not by being spectacular but by being steadfast.”

Borges undersold Mickelson’s great play (and “watermelon balls“) at the expense of overselling his “heroism.” Since when did having a good marriage equal heroism? Is it time to reevaluate steadfastly faithful George W. Bush? Can Bill Clinton be post-presidentially reimpeached?

• Don’t shoot the messenger when the NYT says: “Family Values Become a Focus at Augusta.”

You’re allowed to vomit on him, though.

• Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News: “It’s an oversimplification, but measuring Mickelson’s family situation against Woods’ behavior toward his wife (who was not attending) is natural at this point.”

Yes, and let us build on our recent, bizarre premises. It will only hasten the People magazine-ing of sports entertainment. Kawakami’s merely stating the obvious, but that in and of itself is troubling: Why is it “natural” to compare the marriages? Is this America’s new reality show?

• The AP’s David Bauder got huffy regarding TV’s conspiracy to cover up Tiger Woods’ personal life: “The networks acted under the assumption that you knew all of that coming in, and if you wanted to hear more, you could turn elsewhere. Indeed, a celebrity Web site was reporting on the whereabouts of Woods’ estranged wife just as the golfer was making that walk.”

Yes, why didn’t Jim Nantz just track Elin Nordegren down and scream questions from a golf cart parked on her lawn? CBS’s inclination to focus on golf didn’t trick hall monitor Bauder, who sarcastically spat: “[Tiger's hiatus] was time spent away. It wasn’t a life spent in the bunker as examples of boorish behavior kept spilling out.”

It’s incredible that this story is from the Associated Press and not the Deseret News Op-Ed page.

• The best sentence came from USA Today’s Michael Hiestad: “Mickelson, who appeared in an ExxonMobil TV ad just before he walked onto the 18th green Sunday, was the perfect feel-good winner.”

It feels warm, fuzzy and oily all at the same time. And no, that’s not a Tiger joke.

UPDATE: We have a winner: ESPN’s Rick Reilly blurts “Mickelson’s win a victory for women”: “It’s not often women win the Masters, but they did Sunday.”

Hey ladies, you won! And who better to announce your great achievement than a sanctimonious male golf writer? If you can stomach the following quotes you can probably mix cement in that gut:

“For millions of women around the country, it must feel like a lipstick-sized victory.”

“Mickelson, in case you forgot, is the guy who stayed true to his wife.” 

“You don’t know how dispiriting it is to come home after a long day to a strange, empty house. Come to think of it, maybe Tiger knows.”

Come to think of it, maybe divorced men shouldn’t wax saccharine about how marriage reveals character. Also, how does Rick know all about how “true” Mickelson stayed to his wife? And what the hell does “lipstick-sized victory” mean?

He had vowed to tone down his emotions, try to smile a little more, acknowledge the fans every now and then. But that even temperament quickly faded as the poor shots piled up. He yelled at himself several times, loud enough for the gallery to hear and the television microphones to pick up. He flipped clubs away in anger.

Afterward, Woods got a bit testy when asked if the new Tiger was still a work in progress.

“I think people are making way too much of a big deal about this thing,” he said. “I’m not going to be walking there with a lot of pep in my step because I hadn’t hit a good shot yet.”

Woods did hit some good shots, of course. The best Sunday was an 8-iron that he holed out from the fairway at No. 7 for an eagle. He followed with back-to-back birdies and made the turn just three strokes out of the lead, looking as though he was ready to make a charge.

But Woods has never come from behind on the final day to win a major, and this one wasn’t any different.

Another errant tee shot at the 11th led to a bogey. Then, an inexplicable three-putt from 6 feet ended his hopes at the 14th.

He did bounce back to make an eagle on the par-5 15th, but Mickelson was pulling away at that point. A short birdie putt at the final hole only assured that Woods tied K.J. Choi for fourth place.

“I had another terrible warmup,” Woods said. “I didn’t have it. And it was pretty evident.”

Yes it was, right from the start. He yanked his opening drive into the adjacent ninth fairway and wound up with a bogey. Two more bogeys followed in the next five holes, and he was on the verge of falling off the leaderboard.

Even though he turned things around before heading to the back side, Woods never felt he was a serious contender.

“I still was pretty far out of it,” he said. “The guys were making birdies on the easier holes and for most of the day I was four, five, six back. It’s a long way to climb and I was still making mistakes out there. I made too many mistakes.”

He seemed a little hard on himself.

But when Woods decided to return to golf at one of the biggest tournaments on the schedule, a place where he had captured four of his 14 career major titles, it was all in for the world’s top-ranked player.

He was here for a fifth green jacket. Nothing else was acceptable.

“I entered this event and I only enter events to win,” said Woods, whose wife Elin did not attend the tournament. “I didn’t get it done. I didn’t hit the ball good and I made too many mistakes around the greens. Consequently, I’m not there.”

This was Woods’ first tournament since November. A Thanksgiving night car crash had ripped his personal life apart, revealing a golfer with an impeccable reputation who was actually leading a sordid double life.

For a while mistresses were coming forward on an almost daily basis. Woods went into hiding and tried to figure out how to save his marriage. He even checked into rehab for 45 days, hoping to learn how it all went wrong, a process of self-examination that he admits revealed plenty of flaws.

Despite his disappointment Sunday, Woods clearly made the right personal decision to make his return at Augusta; it exhibits more control over ticketing and media credentials than any other tournament. Everyone expected the fans would be polite, and they seemed to warm to Woods as the week went on. The muted applause got louder and louder when it became apparent he would be a contender.

It might be different at future tournaments, where the crowds are rowdier and the tabloid media may have more success gaining access.

Woods is more concerned about getting his game in shape.

“Other than my backswing going bad and my downswing going bad, it wasn’t too bad,” he griped.

Woods said he’s not sure when he’ll play again, but the next stop in his comeback figures to be the Quail Hollow Championship, which begins April 29 in Charlotte, N.C. That would give him a tuneup for the Players Championship the following week, considered the biggest event on the PGA Tour outside of the four majors.

“I’m going to take a little time off,” is all Woods would say, “and kind of re-evaluate things.”