Mothers Who Think | Nancy Campbell - 02:48pm Apr 27, 1999 PDT (# 15 of 42)

I think participation awards, especially in sports, are fine. I object when prizes and awards make no distinction between hard workers and slackers. At my daughter's 6th grade public school awards ceremony, the guidance counselor opened the event with a speech about how awards didn't really mean anything, basically comparing winning academic awards with winning the lottery. She managed to insult students who worked hard for their awards (NOT my daughter), without making non-award-winners feel any better.

My daughter competed in cross-country this year, and the coaches, parents and team all seemed to be about healthy competition. No one disparaged anyone. My daughter improved her time dramatically and got an award for that, even though she was not one of the best runners. I think it's possible to acknowledge everyone's efforts realistically in a way that doesn't make anyone feel like shit. When my daughter started in cross-country, she came in last several times. She told me that her coach told her to hang in there, that she really had heart and would improve. I thought it was great coaching: encouraging yet honest and believable. And the coach was right.

Have you lived abroad?

Wanderlust | DJC NYC - 11:22am Apr 28, 1999 PDT (# 33 of 33)

I lived in Krakow, Poland for two years, November 94 until November 96. I also agree that your first priorities should be to learn the language and to use it. Also, when you have trouble finding something, forget your assumptions of where it would be. For instance, in Poland the stores seem to be organized in terms of materials. I can remember explaining to new arrivals the existence of the "Red Plastic Department" where you could find a number of things, many of such seemed entirely unrelated except that they were or could be made of red plastic. There was always trouble with tampons and toilet paper. The place you were guaranteed to find them was in the stationary store. Also, if there are plastic baskets just inside the entrance to a store, take one. Never mind if you are only there for one tiny item. If you don't take a basket, all the clerks will frown at you and follow you about. You are assumed to be a shop-lifter. Some things may not exist. After about three weeks, the new foreigner would have run out of time to simply come upon a laudromat and be reduced to asking where the heck were they. They weren't, though by the time I left, there were two used almost exclusively by foreigners. It seems the Poles are squeamish about putting their clothes in the same machine that has been used by who knows who. Oh, I could go on and on, and do at the least opportunity. I'll never forget it and never regret it, and actually intend to take my social security and go live where it will support me well. There's nothing like moving across an ocean and back again to clarify exactly what you value most. I also now have absolute total admiration for and openness to immigrants. Anyone who has the gumption to leave everything he or she knows and go to a new country with no intention of coming back has the kind of courage and strength any country can do with more of.

Are Suburbs "Hell on Earth?"

Social Issures | Dan Icolari - 03:42pm Apr 24, 1999 PDT (# 2 of 80)

...I know Littleton--not well, but well enough, since I visit my brother-in-law there from time to time. On one visit, I was alone in the house and decided to go out walking. Block after empty block of perfect lawns, manicured shrubs, and tasteful facades. The occasional strip mall. Utterly interchangeable with countless places just like it everywhere.

I remember feeling not just excruciating boredom but almost panic about getting the hell out of there and back to a city (in this case, Denver) with some diversity in architecture and options and people.

I'm not proposing a direct connection between suburban life and violence, but I wonder about the effect on kids who grow up in these unrelentingly bland environments, where there is little if any experience of the diversity and excitement that have always characterized cities--even a second-tier city like Denver.
salon.com | April 30, 1999

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