T H E_.H O T_.S P O T Erotic wasteland By Susie Bright With bad sex at home and pseudosex on TV, America is one frustrated nation (03/05/99)   How-to, why-not and what-for -- find it all at barnesandnoble.com Search by:  Keyword Title Author     R E C E N T L Y Will the real Jeff Stryker please rise? By Jeff Stryker Jeff Stryker on Jeff Stryker: My doppelganger is a sex god (03/18/99) Enchanted forest By Reed Hearne A man takes us behind the tropical bushes into the land of gay cruising, where two worlds coexist without ever touching (03/11/99) Rub me tender By Jon Bowen A reformed frotteurist explores the roots of his long-lost fetish (03/04/99) Doctor's orders By Janelle Brown In the wake of a new Alabama law declaring vibrators illegal, a provocative new book, "The Technology of Orgasm," sheds light on the perversely puritanical evolution of the feminine joystick (02/25/99) Dr. Block's little house of sexual horrors By Carol Lloyd A grotesque L.A. event proves that when it comes to being unsexy, it's really hard to beat sex (02/18/99) - - - - - - - - - - Browse the Urge archives - - - - - - - - - -		HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON | PAGE 1, 2 - - - - - - - - - - Psychologists make note of an adolescence and early adulthood phenomenon known as the gender maturation gap. During normal development, females are theoretically five years more psychologically advanced than their male counterparts. This suggests an inclination and rationale for women to be attracted to older men. However, everything is supposed to even up around age 30, when the gender maturation gap ceases to exist. But the tacit implication remains that women should date slightly older men. An air of desperation is attributed to a woman engaged in relations with a younger man. There must be something wrong with her or she would be able to find someone her own age. And shouldn't said young man prefer someone fresh and virginal, not an old lady who has already been around the block a few times? This stigma is as sexist as it is hypocritical. Why shouldn't a woman be able to date down? Men have been doing it for years. Because it's just taboo. And I privately resolved never to date down again. Until I met my luscious, 23-year-old, French, next-door neighbor. He says he was initially attracted to my comportment. (Although I still wonder if he didn't mix up the word "comportment" with "apartment," because mine is much nicer.) I was attracted to his chest region, so we began our illicit affair. I certainly wasn't going to broadcast my new liaison to my friends, so I was shocked to find out that he was bragging about me to his. It seems in France, the older woman-younger man arrangement is quite desirable. I was baffled. In almost all of Europe, a woman in her 30s is considered young and well-seasoned. Teenage appearance is eschewed for sophistication, refined style and independence. Likewise, a young man who can entertain one of these fascinating creatures gets extra points for studliness. Not to mention the sexual compatibility, because a women in her early 30s and a man in his early 20s are both in their so-called sexual prime. I finally confided my newfound perversion to a friend living in New York. Lo and behold, she confessed to precisely the same indulgence. "But it's nothing serious." "Oh no, no. Certainly not," we coughed. We didn't want to admit that beyond sexual satisfaction, men of lesser age could possibly have more to offer. The most obvious attribute to dating men in their early 20s is their eagerness to please. They haven't yet learned to hide their intimidation or lack of knowledge under a façade of machismo and self-imposed superiority. They're simply natural. And the easy way they get embarrassed is adorable, especially when they look at the ground and shuffle their feet. Second, younger men are more open to suggestion. Rough edges are so much more pliable and easier to polish out. My friend in New York has succeeded in teaching her young buck that if she calls and he's playing Nintendo he must immediately stop doing that and pay attention to her. When she reaches for a cigarette, his Zippo is out before the filter hits her lips. Now that's the kind of boyfriend I like. Eventually the age difference rears its ugly head. In my case our first fight was over canned food. My young Frenchie invited me to "dinner" at his house, which consisted of a can of heated-up ravioli. When I gently suggested we go back to my house, where I have plenty of comestibles spanning the four basic food groups, he was mad at me. "I cannot believe we are fighting over food," he said in his Jacques Cousteau-esque broken English. "I'm insulted you'd offer to feed me that," I said, staring at the woebegone glob of canned pasta. Tensions and words escalated. I stormed out of his flat regretting the decision to involve myself with a younger man. We obviously had different standards of living. Once home he called me. I hadn't had a bite to eat, I was still starving and still mad, but yes, I would call him later. So I had a Valium as my appetizer and a nutritious, well-balanced meal for dinner. But before I could return the call, he rang again. "I eat ravioli so I can save my money to take you to nice dinners," he explained. It made me think. It's not right to hold a 22-year-old to the same standards to which I hold myself. I can't be mad at him when his phone gets shut off because he forgot to pay his bill or when he drinks until he throws up, because I made those same mistakes too when I was his age. I can however, hold him to the important stuff. He has to be kind, emotionally honest and caring, which he is, and so much more. Although he's less accomplished career-wise than my other datables of late, he's certainly much nicer to be around. Sure, I had my driver's license when he was in the third grade, but he's fun, spontaneous and frisky. And since I'm not marriage-minded, I'm quite grateful to be with someone sweet who appreciates me and is years away from developing love handles. SALON | March 25, 1999 Gentry Lane is an American expatriate writer living in Paris and is never coming back.