With liberty and cheap coke for all
That kind of revelation may now be in reruns. We may be living through another Holiday for Paranoids. For years, the theory has gone around the black community that the federal government foisted the crack cocaine epidemic on African America. Suddenly, in the wake of a series in the San Jose Mercury News alleging that CIA-backed Nicaraguans wholesaled crack to finance arms for the contras, the story is being investigated by the big papers, Congress and, of course, by the CIA itself. Conspiracy fans point out that the two guys who first sold cut-rate cocaine to a South Central L.A. dealer were contras, and that the contra army owed as much to the CIA as the Melrose Place cast does to Aaron Spelling. Hard-nosers observe that nothing so far proves the CIA knew about or approved the crack dealing. The contras, let's recall, were called by Ronald Reagan "the modern equivalent of America's founding fathers." So, in this version of events, Jefferson not only would have owned slaves, he would have sold them cheap coke. Lovers of irony simply cherish the possibility that the same U.S. government was running "Just Say No" on the white channel, and "Just Light Up and Ruin Your Life" on the black channel. I wish the CIA good luck in its investigation. This is an intelligence agency that has in its time missed a few little things, like the collapse of the Soviet economy and Saddam Hussein's invasion of Kuwait, so these agents need to be lucky as well as good. But if anyone can find the memos in which some Agency director wrote on official CIA stationery, "Things to do today: start crack epidemic," I know his fellow spooks can. This is the same government whose armed forces injected their troops with an experimental anti-chemical-weapon drug that now may turn out to cause Gulf War Syndrome ailments which we will pay to treat. If that turns out to be the case, the United States will go down in the record books as the first country to have used chemical warfare on its own soldiers. With this kind of vindication, the paranoids are probably buying drinks for the people who are following them. Incidentally, they also say the feds are responsible for AIDS. Note to investigators: start looking into government-subsidized bathhouses, and covert CIA funding for Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Co-creator and co-star of "This is Spinal Tap," comedian Harry Shearer is the voice of more than a dozen characters on "The Simpsons." He has been a two-time cast member of "Saturday Night Live" and is the host of nationally syndicated weekly radio broadcast "Le Show." |