T A B L E_T A L K Do you use local public transportation when you travel? Share your favorite adventure stories in the Wanderlust area of Table Talk R E C E N T L Y Going native in Mongolia By Julie Vallone A horseback journey across the Mongolian steppes becomes an odyssey through time (10/18/98) Señor Gringo By Maxine Schur An innocent encounter turns crazy for two travelers and a heartbroken, gun-toting Mexican sheriff (10/16/98) This week in travel Wanderlust's selective guide to travel-related news (10/16/98) Herbal ecstasy By Mark Jenkins By the spoonful, a restaurant in Singapore supposedly cures everything from sexual ennui to diabetes (10/15/98) A two-wheel tour of Holland By Cynthia Gorney A vacationing family finds pleasure and peril among a nation of bicyclers (10/14/98) Browse the Wanderlust Feature archives Wanderlust's Official Travel Book Partner S A L O N E M P O R I U M FREE! 12-ounce bag of Salon Blend with a purchase of $30 or more. While supplies last.		RIGHTS OF PASSION | PAGE 1, 2 - - - - - - - - - - It would be too simplistic to say women and men have the exact same kind of sexual experiences while traveling. I would say women with the right attitude bring depth and complexity to such flings that allow them to have a better time than men do. What's more boring than hearing about a guy who pays a beautiful hooker to sleep with him? Very predictable. Much more interesting is the affair a Canadian friend of mine had with a younger man (he was 17, she was 25) on a trip to Mexico. Bored with her life and recovering from the recent end of a long-term relationship that almost resulted in marriage, she pounced on the chance to take a three-week photography course in the small colonial town of San Miguel de Allende in central Mexico. On her second night, she met Pepe, the owner of a local restaurant. "I noticed him right away," she writes. "I know it sounds corny but it was like a scene in a movie where the lover walks in and the crowd fades out and time has slowed down and there is a scratchy soundtrack playing." Though Pepe wasn't her type -- very macho, and part of the local mafia -- there was an instant attraction between them. They became lovers within days, and the sex, she confesses, to her "feminist chagrin," was great. After their first time together, he walked her home at 6 a.m. "I'll never, ever forget that short walk. We passed people setting up the market who all called out, 'Buenos dias.' The sun was rising and the incredible colors of the desert highlands were changing colors by the minute. He held my hand." Naturally, paradise didn't last forever. She soon found out that Pepe had a girlfriend -- a pristine, Catholic virgin named Raphaela, who didn't take kindly to this foreign woman moving in on her man. My friend began to notice a small, beautiful woman shadowing her every move. Since the whole town knew of the affair, everyone began to take sides. "I was in the middle of a fucking Spanish soap opera," she recalls, "and I couldn't even speak the language." So she left (her course was over, anyway). Pepe slipped her a packet of silver earrings, but their goodbye was subdued -- no big words, no promises to meet in the future. She arrived back in Toronto feeling revitalized. Their relationship contains only this postscript, as she relates: "The third day I got back to Toronto, the phone woke me up. 'Hello?' I murmured, still asleep. 'Te quiero,' he whispered. (And part of me still believes that in another dimension, I am living on a rancho in that impossibly beautiful desert, surrounded by babies and horses, and loving the most unlikely of men)." What more can you ask for? Drama, intrigue and love -- the kind of affair that's meant to be frozen in time, but brings out an extra element of passion in a traveler's love for a foreign place. I'm not advising a woman to put her guard down when considering whether to pull her skirt up. The world is definitely a more dangerous place for women, full of scary men who think we are shameless hussies whom they have a right to shag -- and sometimes cause bodily harm to -- whenever they want. But remember these creeps are just as likely to be at a college party in a small American town, or a crowded pub in London, as they are on the streets of Pakistan or the cafes in Rome. The common sense that gets you out of situations at home is the same that you should take on the road. My little escapade with the Mongolian prostitute was harmless and fun, but I wouldn't have even been in the bar if I'd been alone. (I make it a point not to go out alone after dark unless I know a place well. Single female travelers are obvious late-night targets.) My friend in Mexico also took a simple precaution -- she was introduced to her lover via mutual friends.) As I've found, it's best to judge each situation individually and with a cool head. In Thailand recently, my boyfriend at the time and I signed up for massages at our (we presumed) respectable hotel. We were the last clients of the evening, and when the two women saw us they giggled in surprise. One grabbed my arm, led me into a private room and proceeded to give me a very suggestive massage. Nothing explicitly off-limits, she just rubbed a little closer than normal to certain parts of my anatomy, and she sighed happily at the sight of my breasts. She made it clear, without saying it directly, that if I wanted to pay her to have sex, she was game. The whole thing made me very uncomfortable. When I walked out, I related what happened to my boyfriend. "Oh yeah, my masseuse asked me if I wanted just a massage, and if you were my girlfriend, and I told her yes, and that was the end of it," he said. "If you are a man in Asia, you get used to the idea of being propositioned during a massage." Just tell them no firmly and repeatedly, he continued. Looking at it that way, my own masseuse's advances suddenly didn't bother me anymore. She was, after all, just a businesswoman testing the limits of the market. Common sense, by the way, also dictates that becoming a sex kitten for a manipulative loser like Melvin isn't high on the list of possibilities in my life, nor, hopefully, that of any other savvy female. Sexual empowerment means women, just like men, don't have to say they are sorry for a little light fling. Approaching trips with a cautious, open mind about sex can make it just that little bit more interesting. I always wondered what happened to Melvin Wong. In a tourist information office in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, during that trip two years ago, I saw the ubiquitous poster and asked about it. The clerk patted my hand and in a condescending voice thick and syrupy as honey said, "Don't worry, he's been caught." Thank goodness. I was wondering if we Western women were ever going to live down the embarrassment that some of us might have been seduced by Melvin. SALON | Oct. 20, 1998 Leah Kohlenberg is on a fellowship in Mongolia, where she trains local journalists. She is a former reporter and travel writer for Time Magazine's Asian edition. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - R E L A T E D_.S A L O N_.S T O R I E S An Italian romance: Chapter Two The first time, he had helped heal her heartbreak. Could their second fling be as good as the first? By Laura Fraser Sept. 29, 1998 Women's dilemma Is solo travel worth the risk? By Dawn MacKeen Oct. 21, 1997