Annie Murphy Paul

A rehab of one’s own

Gender-specific recovery programs for women are gaining ground, despite criticism of their "warm and fuzzy" approach.

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A rehab of one's own

The chairs are the first thing you notice. They are curvy, plush, luxuriously padded — as far from metal folding chairs as furniture can get. There are fresh flowers on the table near the neat little kitchen. The “12 Steps” hang on the wall, but in a handsome wooden frame, next to misty prints of woodland scenes.

Welcome to the Hanley-Hazelden Center for Women’s Recovery, a kinder, gentler — and gender-specific — sort of rehab. The 1 o’clock meeting is just getting underway.

“Where are you in this spiral of addiction?” asks Kathleen, a comfortable, maternal-looking counselor, as she points to a diagram set on an easel. Grouped in a circle around her are eight patients, well-groomed women in their 20s and 30s. After a moment, a woman with short hair and dangly earrings speaks.

“I’m in the middle of the spiral. I already hit bottom, and I’m on my way back up.”

“What was bottom for you?” asks Kathleen.

“Being in a sick relationship, and wanting to die,” she replies matter-of-factly. Kathleen nods vigorously.

“We all know about the kinds of relationships we get into when we’re using,” she says. “What are some words to describe the kind of relationships we’ll have when we’re clean?”

The women begin throwing out answers.

“Honesty,” volunteers one.

“Trust,” says another.

A demure-looking blond furrows her brow. “Love?”

Kathleen pivots and points. “Love!” she exclaims. “Love is good, but we can’t let it distract us from what we really need to concentrate on — our own recovery.”

“Yeah, it’s like — what’s love got to do with it?” cracks the woman with short hair.

“What is love?” Kathleen chimes in.

“A secondhand emotion!” comes the inevitable response, and the whole group joins in an impromptu chorus of Tina Turner’s gruff anthem.

Actually, love has a lot to do with it, according to the counselors at Hanley-Hazelden. Unlike men, who usually begin abusing alcohol with their buddies, female alcoholics are often introduced to the bottle by a male partner. “The feelings and behaviors they learn around intimacy are not healthy,” says Donna Corrente, the center’s director. “That’s why we spend so much time talking about relationships.”

The program she manages occupies a low-slung stucco building, sheltered by palm trees and staffed exclusively by women. No “fraternization” is permitted with the men’s unit, a few hundred yards away.

Located in West Palm Beach, Fla., and barely a year old, the Hanley-Hazelden facility is one of a growing number of “gender-responsive” recovery programs taking root all over the country. Advocates extol them as a long-overdue antidote to decades of neglect of the needs of female addicts. “The idea used to be that you had to confront alcoholics’ denial, tear them down and re-create them — but that approach is disastrous for women,” says Christine Saulnier, Ph.D., assistant professor at Boston University. “They’ve been beaten up enough already by their addiction. To promote an even greater sense of powerlessness and helplessness is just bizarre.”

Women-only rehab programs adopt a caring, nurturing tone, and focus their curricula on healing trauma, building self-esteem and learning how to establish healthy relationships. This approach has its critics, however, who charge that single-sex treatment perpetuates gender stereotypes, patronizes its patients and promotes a victim mentality. They take issue with the bedrock assumption of gender-responsive programs: that alcoholism is a radically different experience for women.

According to a report published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, about one-third of the nation’s 15 million alcoholics are female, and women represent roughly the same proportion of patients enrolled in residential recovery programs. Seventy-five percent or more of these women have suffered some kind of abuse or trauma, often sexual in nature — a far higher ratio than among men in treatment, says the report. In addition, say proponents of gender-sensitive treatment, female alcoholics face far more scorn and stigma than their male counterparts, who have hard-drinking heroes like Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson to call on.

“We still expect women to be the nurturers, the caretakers, the moral standard-bearers — and those roles aren’t compatible with alcohol abuse,” notes Saulnier. Because their drinking is less socially acceptable, women feel more shame and guilt and make more efforts to hide it. While male alcoholics may act out — getting in bar fights, driving while drunk — female drinkers typically inflict damage on themselves, says Saulnier, becoming depressed or developing eating disorders or secondary addictions to prescription drugs.

As a result of these differences, supporters say, female alcoholics need a rehab of their own. “We know now that mixed-sex treatment does not work for women, at all,” declares Corrente. After more than two decades in “the chemical dependence business,” as she calls it, she says she’s observed that when the sexes are treated together, the women help identify and explore the men’s feelings while neglecting or avoiding their own. (For this reason, she says, men tend to do better in co-ed treatment.)

She also has seen sexual energy between men and women disrupt the work of recovery, creating doubly dysfunctional couples who too often flee treatment together. And Corrente has noticed that when men are present in group therapy sessions, women suppress their stories of sexual abuse and domestic violence — frequently the very experiences that led them to drink.

Medical research has, in fact, found that the physical effects of alcohol are different for women: They get drunker, faster, on the same amount of liquor as men, due to their smaller size and higher proportion of body fat (which leaves less water in which to dilute alcohol). An enzyme responsible for breaking down liquor is less active in women’s stomachs than in men’s, and some researchers even suspect that women’s fluctuating levels of hormones may make them more easily intoxicated at some times of the month.

Over years of heavy drinking, these biological differences can have dramatic health consequences. Women’s alcoholism advances faster than men’s, and with more devastating results: They are more vulnerable to alcohol-related liver disease, heart damage, brain damage, circulatory disorders and cancer. Female alcoholics have a harder time with the activities of everyday life, and they’re more likely to be involved in accidents and to commit suicide.

But the claim that women’s alcoholism is an utterly different emotional and psychological experience is far more fraught, and many in the field aren’t buying it. “I’m skeptical of the idea that men and women are such profoundly different species that they require a qualitatively different approach to treatment,” says Sally Satel, M.D., a Washington addiction specialist and author of “P.C., M.D.: How Political Correctness Is Corrupting Medicine.” “What alcoholics need is their self-respect, a sense of the future, some skills — and that goes the same for women as it does for men.”

Satel is especially critical of the warm-and-fuzzy approach the gender-responsive programs take to treatment. “Self-esteem is the product of staying clean, getting a job and repairing the relationships you damaged with your addiction,” she says. “It doesn’t come about because someone patted your head and said, ‘Oh, isn’t it wonderful that you’re in a treatment program.’” In fact, she says, it’s “patronizing” to assume that women can’t handle a rigorous program of recovery.

The Hanley-Hazelden center offers several inviting targets for Satel’s critique. Just off its main hallway is the “pillow room,” used for group therapy sessions: small, low-lit, filled with dozens of cushions, it resembles nothing so much as a baby’s nursery. Staff members talk about engaging patients not in confrontation, but “care-frontation.” And sometimes the center’s activities go beyond banality to hoary cliché: A recent “healing arts” workshop, for example, involved fashioning a womb from a hunk of clay.

“The womb is the essence of womanhood,” rhapsodizes a counselor. “The project gives patients an opportunity to honor their femininity.”

(This kind of kid-glove treatment doesn’t come cheap: Hanley-Hazelden’s 28-day program costs about $17,000.)

A handful of small studies have suggested that women are more likely to enroll in a single-sex recovery program, more likely to stick it out and more likely to remain abstinent once it’s over. It does make a certain amount of sense that women who have been mistreated by men in the past might prefer to do their healing outside of men’s intimidating or inhibiting presence. And it seems self-evident that berating and humiliating people at the time they’re most vulnerable might not be the best way to help them — at least not all of them.

Then again, there’s no reason why recovery programs couldn’t begin to be responsive to that other gender, as well. Perhaps we’ll know that we’ve emerged from alcoholism’s dark ages when a respectful, compassionate approach to treatment isn’t for women only.

“An American Health Dilemma”

Long before the horror of the Tuskegee experiments, blacks were suspicious of the white medical establishment -- with good reason.

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While reading this book, I kept thinking about Richard Simmons — you know, the little guy in gym shorts. He used to say that inside every fat person was a skinny person trying to get out. I was reminded of his words while slogging through “An American Health Dilemma,” for under its pounds of excess verbiage there’s a lean, strong story waiting to escape.

The authors, I know, would not appreciate my comparison. This is a capital-S serious book that seeks to impress with its heft. The title recalls Gunnar Myrdal’s 1944 classic on race relations, “An American Dilemma.” A reader immediately understands that authors W. Michael Byrd and Linda A. Clayton, African-American physicians who are also husband and wife, intend their work to become another classic, the standard history of medicine and blacks in the United States before 1900. (A second volume will cover 1900 to the present.)

In large part, they succeed. Byrd and Clayton tell a painful story, full of outrageous cruelty and neglect. The tale has been told before, but never in such depth or heartbreaking detail.

Byrd and Clayton argue persuasively that the poor health suffered by many blacks today has its roots in the treatment they received from slave traders and owners hundreds of years ago. Overworked, underfed, lacking immunity to the diseases they encountered on these shores, the earliest African-Americans suffered a “slave health deficit” that their ancestors have never been able to make up. Today blacks have a life expectancy five to seven years shorter than that of whites, more than double the rate of infant mortality and much higher incidences of diabetes, heart disease and certain cancers than the general population has.

In the dawning days of the new country, of course, doctors didn’t have much to offer. Blacks were probably grateful to be spared standard treatments such as sweatings and bloodlettings. As medicine advanced, however, and blacks continued to be denied the services of physicians, the gap between their health status and that of whites grew. An assumption developed, still detectable in news coverage and public policy decisions, that poor health was somehow normal for African-Americans, their natural state. This convenient expectation among whites became a self-fulfilling prophecy for blacks.

When doctors did pay visits to blacks, they came on orders from slave owners. Wary of the motives and loyalties of white physicians, and more comfortable with healers in their own traditions, blacks often resisted or ignored the prescriptions of plantation doctors. The authors demonstrate that blacks were suspicious of the medical profession long before the Tuskegee medical experiments and other 20th century horrors — with ample reason.

Byrd and Clayton show in unsparing detail how the white medical establishment mistreated blacks. Inexperienced doctors honed their skills on blacks before attempting to treat white patients. Medical schools used blacks for experiments and demonstrations. Hospitals and clinics turned away blacks or subjected them to substandard treatment in segregated wards. Professional organizations, including the American Medical Association, denied membership to the small number of African-American doctors. Many physicians enthusiastically contributed to the pseudoscientific literature on black inferiority. When African-American health further deteriorated following the Civil War, many doctors named the newfound freedom as the cause. Others predicted, or perhaps hoped, that the extinction of the race was near.

This shameful tale is an invaluable addition to our understanding of race and medicine. The problem is, the story occupies perhaps one-third of this nearly 600-page book. The rest is taken up with irrelevant information, endless repetition and unfathomably turgid prose. We are treated to a history of race and medicine from prehistoric times through the Renaissance. We are given pages of straight history about slavery, the Civil War and Reconstruction that would be more suitable for a social studies textbook. We’re told again and again what the book plans to do, what its “objectives” are; at the end, we’re taken through, point by point, what the book has accomplished. And we are given sentences like this one: “Such an approach effectively reveals and demonstrates this dilemma’s operational mechanisms from its history-based roots to its present configuration, which is deeply embedded within and permeates the U.S. health system and its culture.”

The authors insist that their excesses are necessary as a defense against racially motivated critiques. Because “any scholarship involving the reassessment of American concepts of race, Western history, or American history calls forth contentiousness, defensiveness, and avoidance of allegations of intellectual dishonesty,” Byrd and Clayton write, their book “may seem overdocumented, occasionally repetitive, or overburdened with endnotes and footnotes compared with conventional studies.” In one sly sentence they have patted themselves on the back for their thoroughness, set themselves up as brave warriors against the establishment and inoculated themselves against legitimate criticism.

Their odd mixture of incautious rhetoric and fastidious documentation produces some absurdities, such as a reference to “lily-white-owned and -operated health care corporations” that is accompanied by a footnote helpfully explaining that “lily white” means “excluding or seeking to exclude black people.” The authors hint at, though never quite espouse, a radical understanding of race in this country. They use quotation marks when referring to high school “achievement” tests or America’s “meritocracy,” and suggest that the failure of the government and the mainstream healthcare system to adequately consider the healthcare needs of minority groups “calls America’s democracy into question.”

The book is weakest when it abandons its scrupulous effort to reconstruct history and offers pronouncements on modern-day politics: “Anti-discrimination rules designed to protect disadvantaged minority groups such as Blacks and Native Americans, victims of centuries of invidious racial discrimination, are now used to protect Whites,” they charge. “Aggressive feminist and newly empowered Latino and Asian American groups” now “threaten to overpower the interests of America’s oldest and largest minority group.”

How much better if Byrd and Clayton had imposed discipline and focus on this bloated book. A lean, tight story could have taken their important and relevant message and run with it.

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Prenatal quackery

A doctor assails obstetric care in America as absurd, expensive and dysfunctional.

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Prenatal quackery

In a time of so many gleeful blasphemers and so few sacred cows, it was bound to happen. Most of the tempting marks have already been hit — America (agent of global capitalism), baseball (strikes, spitting, Daryl Strawberry), even apple pie (Alar-tainted apples, cholesterol-laden crust) — but there’s one still standing: Mom.

It’s a formidable target, and in his new book, “Expecting Trouble,” Dr. Thomas Strong takes on just one of the cherished myths of motherhood: the idea that prenatal care is on the whole a useful and desirable thing. There’s no glee in the judgment Strong delivers — he is deliberate, grave, almost sorrowful — but there’s no mercy, either. “Much of what passes for prenatal care in this country is unduly expensive, unnecessarily high-tech and serves no beneficial purpose,” he declares, “consisting of little more than a string of pointless, largely ceremonial clinic visits which infrequently avert the conditions we most want our babies to avoid.”

In an act of admirable honesty, or professional masochism, this second-generation obstetrician is particularly hard on his own specialty: His colleagues are too little concerned with patients, too taken with toys and gadgets and charge inflated fees for work that nurse-midwives could do just as well. “Obstetricians,” he announces, “are to routine prenatal care what neurosurgeons are to simple headaches: overkill.”

The crux of the problem, he says, is that we’ve turned a natural, normal condition — pregnancy — into a disease requiring doctors’ intervention. Expectant mothers are “considered sick until proven otherwise,” their pregnancies regarded as problems waiting to happen. The fact that they proceed perfectly well 97 percent of the time allows obstetricians to claim credit they haven’t earned, but also obscures the grim truth that when things go wrong there’s often little medicine can do. It’s a deeply unsettling message: We’d all like to think that our doctors are firmly in control and not, in Strong’s ruthless phrase, “hapless bystanders” — “heroes if all goes well or malpractice defendants if it doesn’t.”

Our need to believe that prenatal care really works has led us to rewrite the history of public health, says Strong. Falling rates of maternal death over the past century are often attributed to the spread of such care, when really they’re the result of more general medical advances, like improvements in surgical and blood-transfusion techniques and the development of antibiotics. In our own time, prenatal care is promoted as an answer to poverty, particularly among teenage mothers, but, as Strong notes, the problems of the poor are far too complex and deeply rooted to be addressed by a handful of visits to a clinic. In any case, those who would make prenatal care universally available are merely improving access “to a system that doesn’t work,” he states bluntly.

That system, in Strong’s view, is set up to benefit obstetricians, managed-care companies, malpractice lawyers — everyone but mothers and their babies. The results show up in disturbing national statistics: The United States ranks 31st among developed nations in its rate of low-birth-weight babies; 22 industrialized countries have infant mortality rates that are lower than that of the U.S.

“It is in the United States, where care is provided with such high-tech flourish, that pregnancy outcomes are among the worst,” Strong concludes. “We spend more for it, provide more of it and have intensified it more than any nation on Earth. In return, our prematurity, low-birth-weight and very low-birth-weight rates have accelerated.”

The author has a long list of proposed remedies, most of which boil down to this: “What is needed is a prenatal care system that is simpler, less medicalized and more widely distributed throughout our communities.”

Strong isn’t opposed to prenatal care itself, he emphasizes, just the form it currently takes. He’d like to see more smaller clinics, in convenient places like malls, churches and community centers. Such clinics would be open nights and weekends, and would be staffed with nurse-midwives rather than expensive obstetricians. He would reduce the number of visits required of women with low-risk pregnancies and would initiate malpractice reform, limiting damage awards and lawyers’ contingency fees.

All reasonable recommendations, and yet there’s something about Strong’s exhortations that chafe and arouse resistance. He’s pushing for a more humane kind of care, but his own manner is coldly austere, almost puritanical. In his zeal to prosecute doctors with high-profit practices, he shuns all hint of pleasure or sensuality, even ridiculing a magazine article that describes a prenatal clinic’s “comfortable, feminine, attractively decorated offices.”

Likewise, Strong can see no rationale for using the tools of obstetrics for anything other than strict medical necessity. “Everybody likes ultrasound — especially pregnant mothers,” he concedes. “But obstetric ultrasonography is frequently performed at the whim of obstetricians for no particular reason.”

Apparently, a pregnant woman’s pleasure and peace of mind at seeing her unborn baby don’t rise to the level of a “particular reason.” Patients’ state of mind, in fact, seems entirely irrelevant to Strong, who bases his proposal to reduce prenatal visits on evidence that an increased number of visits does not translate into lower infant-mortality rates. Never mind that such sessions are used not only to provide medical care but to allow expectant mothers to ask questions and receive support and reassurance. These intangibles are of no interest to Strong, who prefers to peruse his tables and charts of pregnancy outcomes. Being pregnant, after all, is not like having a broken bone splinted or an appendix removed; it involves the utter transformation of one body in the creation of another, a profound and joyful outcome the rest of us know as a baby.

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Torture lessons

With irresistible detail, a surgeon explores the cultural and scientific universe of the body in pain.

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Torture lessons

A few days ago, I went to the hospital to visit a friend who’d just given birth for the first time. After admiring her peacefully sleeping baby, I leaned closer.

“How was it?” I asked. I knew she had been dreading childbirth almost from the moment she conceived.

Her eyes widened. “It was worse than I ever could have imagined,” she whispered.

Extreme pain — like that produced by childbirth or, say, limb amputation — is fascinating precisely because it’s at once alien and familiar. We all know what it’s like to hurt, and yet some hurts are so profound as to surpass human understanding.

It’s this paradox that’s exploited by neurosurgeon Frank T. Vertosick Jr. in his new book, “Why We Hurt: The Natural History of Pain.” Chapter by chapter, Vertosick introduces us to some of the more excruciating forms of pain, from the misery of migraines to the ache of rheumatoid arthritis. If this sounds about as fun as a trip to the dentist, the book will surprise you. With a humane and generous sensibility, Vertosick explores not only the nerves and neurotransmitters that direct pain, but how culture and belief shape the very experience of it.

In his view, for example, my friend violated an ancient social taboo when she told me the truth about her labor. Women throughout history and all over the world have developed methods, Vertosick writes, “for hiding the pain of childbirth from impressionable young females.” When they could, mothers-to-be “sought to give birth alone or with the aid of older (and often postmenopausal) women.” When crowded conditions made such withdrawal impossible, they cultivated a stoicism that made birthing look as effortless as blowing one’s nose. They even managed to fool many Western experts, who marveled at the ease with which “primitive” women popped out their babies. Childbirth pain, they concluded, was “an invention of pampered, out-of-shape white Europeans and could be cured by stripping them of their high society soft-headedness.”

Though this seems a bit shaky as anthropology — most women throughout the ages, after all, have not had much choice over whether or not to bear children — the theory is characteristic of Vertosick’s efforts to look beyond the physical manifestations of pain. Delivery is so painful, he reminds us, mostly because the birth canal must accommodate the human infant’s large head — the same head that houses our uniquely complex and brilliant brain. Likewise, it’s our powerful opposable thumbs that make us susceptible to carpal tunnel syndrome, and our improbably upright spines that expose us to the risk of ruptured discs.

To be human, in other words, is to hurt — or more precisely, to suffer, which Vertosick describes as the melding of biological pain with psychic pain. Because we can anticipate pain and its consequences (six weeks out of work, no more mountain biking), its effect is multiplied; because we can feel empathy for others, their pain becomes our own; because we can learn from our mistakes, pain imposes on us an inexorable discipline. I hurt, Vertosick might say, therefore I am.

But the author doesn’t take himself too seriously, and the book is edged with his sharp wit throughout. In describing an early lobotomy, Vertosick deadpans: “The operator inserted an ice pick under the upper eyelids and hit the pick with a small mallet to drive it into the frontal lobes. The operator then rotated the pick vigorously to destroy both lobes. This created a docile, albeit somewhat dull, patient.” The pioneering neurologist, he then notes, received the Nobel Prize for his invention.

Such squirm-inducing descriptions are a staple of the book, but Vertosick never resorts to sensationalism. After all, details as graphic as these require no embellishment. About a woman who could allay the pain of her migraines only by vomiting, he relates: “She had to stop the practice after a bad bout of retching detached one of her retinas and blinded her in the right eye.”

In documenting sufferers’ desperate search for relief, Vertosick is candid about the role played by reckless, careless or self-serving doctors, whose misguided attempts to banish pain read like a top-10 list of medical blunders. “During the last century and the first half of this century,” he writes, “many physicians thought that chronic pain could be cured by cutting nerves. If the face hurt, surgeons cut the nerves to the face; if the arm hurt, they severed the nerves to the arm.” More recently, in the 1980s, some orthopedists believed that injecting a powerful enzyme into diseased spinal discs would cause them to shrink, eliminating the need for back surgery. Unfortunately, notes Vertosick, the enzyme — a key ingredient in many meat tenderizers — “also dissolved other tissues, including muscles and nerves.” So much for that idea.

The author is refreshingly humble about his own work as a doctor — “most operations are fairly simpleminded,” he concedes — though he displays a surgeon’s affection for his handiwork, and occasionally imagines himself a cowboy in scrubs. Of an operation on a patient whose rheumatoid arthritis had caused her first vertebra, called “Atlas,” to shift out of alignment, Vertosick recounts: “I lassoed her wandering Atlas to the vertebra below with two thick braids of metal wire, then tossed in bone chips harvested from her hip for good measure.”

As a writer, Vertosick is just as confident, taking risks that pay off more often than not. When he described carpal tunnel syndrome as “modern stigmata,” I was skeptical: It’s hard to muster reverence for a secretary crucified on her keyboard. But the passage soon unfolded into a fascinating, if gruesome, historical account. The nails of ancient executioners were not driven through the palms, as depicted in most statues and paintings of Christ, but through the wrists at the base of the thumb: the carpal tunnel. Pontius Pilate achieved by more direct means the same incapacitating pain experienced by overzealous typists, whose nerves become pinched by ligament, tendon and bone.

Once in a while, Vertosick’s flights of fancy fall flat. His efforts to find out why we hurt often lead him to evolutionary theory, which he embraces without reservation. This line of thought produces some eminently plausible explanations — pain evolved to force us to rest a body part until it has healed, and to keep it away from substances that might infect the wound — and others that appear much more unlikely. It seems far-fetched, for example, that women’s hormonal cycles evolved to generate migraines at times when they are least fertile, in order to discourage unproductive sexual encounters (as amusing as a Darwinian rationale for “Sorry, dear, I have a headache” might be).

Still, you have to give Vertosick credit for trying. In a market glutted with guides for dummies and manuals for total idiots, he has dared to write an ambitious, intelligent book that addresses the mind as much as the body. In this, he follows the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates: “Medicine,” as Vertosick quotes him, “is the art of entertaining people until they heal themselves.”

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Chains of love

Always fall for losers? According to some evolutionary psychiatrists, the brain has little control over choices of the heart.

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Chains of love

Love is a bodily process,” declare Thomas Lewis and his collaborators, and no, they’re not talking about sex. The three psychiatrists (Fari Amini and Richard Lannon are the others) are making the case for “A General Theory of Love,” which is, simply stated: Stop thinking so much. Our romance with logic and reason, they contend, has obscured the fact that underneath our cerebral conversation and witty banter, we’re still primitive creatures, hungry for the touch of another’s skin and the sound of another’s heartbeat. Bodies carry on their own love affairs, and the intellect doesn’t have much to do with this visceral experience.

Some aspects of this “revolutionary” thesis are already familiar. Freud also located love and its discontents in the body: All those female patients with their odd physical quirks, due always, it turned out, to some kink or twist in love’s free expression. But for Freud, the involvement of the body was the symptom, not the cure. That was achieved by nudging the neurosis out of the corporeal and into the abstract, where it could be looked at in the light. Lewis et al., meanwhile, move in the opposite direction: They want to return love to the body, show that it’s made from flesh, blood and bone.

Central to their argument is the theory of the “triune brain,” which holds that our minds are made up of three parts, each an artifact of a particular era in our evolutionary history. There’s the reptilian brain, which keeps our hearts beating and our lungs filling with air. There’s the limbic brain, peculiar to mammals, which regulates our relationships with other warm-blooded creatures. And there’s the neocortex, in humans the largest of the trio, which allows us to speak, reason and make up theories like this one.

It’s the middle, limbic, layer that runs our love lives, the authors assert, and it gets the whole body into the act: heartbeat, temperature, blood pressure, the flow of neurotransmitters, all are righted and steadied by the presence of someone we’re close to. And love alters not only these fleeting rhythms, but also the very structure of the brain. Every time we think, say or do something, we beat a path through neural thickets that makes it a little easier to go that way again. In love, especially, we tend to follow the tracks we’ve made before, and we look for others who inhabit familiar territory. To try to love someone whose mental highways and byways don’t intersect with our own — who sulks when we would argue, who shouts when we would cry — is to enter an emotional wilderness.

Love makes its mark on us early. In greenest childhood, the brain is busy pruning the lush overgrowth of synapses with which we’re born. Though this process is familiar to every ambitious parent (lay down some French verb tenses before it’s too late!), it’s less often applied to the emotional brain. But the same thing happens here: If a baby doesn’t encounter kindness and compassion in her first years of life, she’ll be no more conversant in its ways than any other latecomer struggling to master a foreign tongue.

Memory, too, becomes a physical part of us. There’s the explicit kind, which records in vivid but fast-fading detail the casual criticism your lover lobbed at you last night. And there’s implicit memory, which extracts from those details a general principle — people who love often hurt you — and squirrels it away for future reference. In childhood, especially, our implicit memories are engaged in identifying “rules” about how relationships work, and these unconscious rules are the ones we live by as adults.

In all these ways, the authors tell us, love permeates and saturates the body. A pleasing thought, until you consider what it means for those who have absorbed less-than-ideal notions about relationships and romance. They’re stuck, it would seem, since the limbic brain is utterly impervious to reason or analysis. There’s only one solution, say Thomas, Amini and Lannon: therapy.

Surprise, surprise. All three are practicing psychiatrists, and though they never acknowledge their self-interest in the perpetuation of therapy, it’s apparent enough. Helping patients learn how to have healthy relationships “takes vast vistas of time — three, five years, sometimes more,” they note sanguinely. It doesn’t much matter what words are said during these scores of sessions, they imply; what’s important is that a mysterious process takes place, something they call “revising limbic attractors.” What has until now been a vigorous and well-supported argument here softens into mush. “If patient and therapist are to proceed together down a curative path,” the authors intone, “they must allow limbic regulation and its companion moon, dependence, to make their revolutionary magic.” One can almost hear, thumping in the background, the drumbeats from one of Robert Bly’s wooded retreats.

To their credit, Thomas and the others recognize that forces larger than individual experience shape the way we love. But their discussion of cultural impediments to love is also oddly flawed, a random, eccentric collection of diatribes against phenomena as varied as corporate loyalty and the war on drugs. It includes, among other oddities, a five-page rant against children sleeping apart from their parents and a hysterical denunciation of HMOs that likens them to cannibalistic alligators.

The authors endlessly exhort us to spend more time with our spouses and children. That’s fine; most of us would like to do just that. But how to handle the intense pressures pushing us in the opposite direction? They offer only smug platitudes, assuring us that if we would “forgo exalted titles, glamorous friends, exotic vacations, washboard abs, designer everything,” we might “just get a chance at a decent life.”

Most troubling of all is their unspoken political agenda, one that might have been guessed from their enthusiastic endorsement by anti-feminist Danielle Crittenden. Thomas and his co-authors inveigh passionately against day care, and though they occasionally suggest that a “parent” ought to stay home with children, mostly they just say “mother” (and that gender-neutral parent always turns out, a few sentences later, to be a “she”). Quivering with indignation, they declare, “In its baldest tally of values, our culture automatically equates a dedication to full-time parenting with the absence of ambition. But in what human activity could there possibly be more?” Try professor of psychiatry at the University of California-San Francisco, a title held by all three men in addition to demanding schedules of writing and private practice. That’s not to discount their point, but to suggest that they pay too little heed to the complexity of women’s (and men’s) choices.

They conclude with an apocalyptic vision of America’s future. “Just as the dinosaur body was built to live within a range of temperature, so the limbic brain chains mammals to a certain emotional climate,” the authors maintain. “The giant reptiles vanished when the skies darkened and temperatures fell. Our downfall is equally assured if we push our living conditions beyond the limits our emotional heritage decrees.” But are those limits really so rigid? Human beings have thrived precisely because they are so intelligently flexible, able to adapt to “emotional climates” other than the sunny suburban skies over 1950s Levittown.

If their grim conception of what lies ahead is unconvincing, so, ultimately, is their idea of what grown-up relationships ought to look like. The authors would have us surrender to the swampy, symbiotic ways of the limbic brain, and ignore the edgy intrusions of the insistently verbal neocortex. But how do we get to know each other, after all, except through talk? New lovers can’t spill their secrets fast enough, and more familiar ones find that their running conversation, years or decades long, becomes the sum of what they share. Anyone who has loved another adult knows the primal, almost infantile comfort that a partner’s touch can provide. But they probably also know the pleasures of prickly individualism, of two personalities held just far enough apart to see each other whole — body and mind.

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Suspicious minds

In his new book, "The Dangerous Passion," psychologist David Buss proposes that jealousy is an evolutionary necessity.

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Suspicious minds

The next time you’re caught perusing your partner’s diary or snooping through your lover’s suitcase, you’ve got a cutting-edge excuse: Darwin made me do it. According to David Buss, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of “The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex,” jealousy is a natural and utilitarian mechanism. A less suspicious species than our own, Buss observes, would have become extinct years ago. Jealousy spurns us to reproduce; when we sense another moving in on our mate, we are more inclined to procreate. Buss spoke with Salon about cheating hearts, the caveman defense and the lies of Margaret Mead.

You think jealousy has gotten a bad rap.

Yes, I do. Jealously is a supremely adaptive emotion. It’s like an early warning system that tells you something is wrong, and it’s often — I would say the majority of the time — responding to a real threat. It may be an actual infidelity committed by your partner, or it may be an infidelity lurking on the horizon. To discount jealousy and say that it’s stupid or immature is to deny that real threats to relationships do exist. It isn’t adaptive in every case, because there is pathological jealousy. Part of the reason I called the book “The Dangerous Passion” is that it can cut both ways.

Do you worry that your work will be used to justify that kind of pathological jealousy? Are we going to see criminal lawyers coming up with the Stone Age brain defense?

Scientific findings can always be misinterpreted or misused, and I’m very sensitive to that. But my belief is that we’re all better off with more, rather than less, knowledge about ourselves, and understanding a particular behavior doesn’t mean excusing it. I suppose a defense lawyer for a wife-batterer might say, “My client couldn’t help it — his evolved jealousy mechanism made him do it,” but that’s not going to fly in the real world. Human laws are designed to prevent people from doing precisely those things that they’re naturally inclined to do.

On a more mundane level, can we use evolutionary psychology research like yours to understand ourselves better?

Men and women often interpret their sexual attraction to other people as a sign that they don’t love their partners. Sometimes that’s the case, but often it’s not. It helps to understand why that attraction is there, and why it doesn’t turn off when you become involved. Same thing with jealousy: it helps to know that it’s not a neurosis, or a character defect or a symptom of low self-esteem or any of the other things it’s been called.

What it is, according to you, is an evolutionary imperative. Are we all just blindly following the dictates of evolution, then?

We do have a lot of impulses, motives and desires that are shaped by evolution. They’re blind in the sense that people aren’t aware of why they get jealous, or why they feel attracted to certain people. Evolution hasn’t endowed us with very profound insight into our own nature. It’s easier to change our behavior than to change our desires. We have many different sorts of longings, and we can decide which one gets expressed. You may desire to have an affair, but you also have another desire, which is to not jeopardize your relationship. You can override one urge with another.

Have we been led astray by earlier attempts to understand jealousy?

I’ve read everything there is to read on the topic of jealousy and it’s almost laughable what people have written without the benefit of an evolutionary perspective. They attribute jealousy to capitalism, to Western civilization … in total ignorance of the fact that these emotions are universal.

In the middle of the last century, anthropologists — beginning with Margaret Mead — committed what I consider to be professional malpractice. They came back from the field with what we now know to be false stories about exotic cultures that did things very differently from our own. Those stories dovetailed with the prevailing ideology of the time that held that there was no “human nature,” that we’re empty vessels into which the modern environment pours whatever it wants. If there are cultures where jealousy doesn’t exist, and women are out hunting and men are back home weaving baskets, that means human nature is infinitely flexible and we can create whatever kind of Utopian society we choose. Of course, we now know that supposition is false. Anthropologists have gone back to the cultures that were supposed to be so different and found that no, sexual jealousy is just as prevalent there as anywhere else. It’s like we’re belatedly returning to Darwin.

Of course, evolutionary psychology has itself been accused of having a political agenda.

I think that’s just bull, quite frankly. I know all the players in the evolutionary community and their politics, and they are all over the map: left-wing people, right-wing people, middle-of-the-road people, Rastafarians. It’s just as heterogeneous as any other group. There is no single political agenda. I think that accusation has been leveled primarily by people who do have political agendas, people who don’t understand that you can be a scientist and not have a political agenda.

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