Annsley Chapman
Save the animals, exploit the women
Once more, PETA places politics above humanity.
As a staunch vegetarian who sobs over Pedigree commercials and makes a mean tofu salad, I sympathize with PETA’s dismay over people who make light of animal cruelty, though I personally won’t harp on meat eaters as long as they don’t make fun of me for bringing veggie burgers to their barbecue. But PETA’s questionable advertising tactics have given me and others at Broadsheet some indigestion in the past, as it sometimes confuses “nobly campaigning for animal rights” with “exploiting the ladies.”
When celeb gossip sites circulated pictures of Jessica Simpson sporting a tee that snottily declared, “Real Girls Eat Meat,” my first thoughts were “Ugh,” then “Get your mind out of the gutter” and, finally, “How long will it take PETA to formulate a petty, anti-woman response to a petty, anti-vegetarian statement?”
And PETA did not disappoint. Its official blog fired back with the headline “Top Five Reasons Only Stupid Girls Brag About Eating Meat.” Four of the reasons are informative and topical, but No. 4 gets my ethically raised goat:
“4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming ‘Jessica Simpson’s Intimates’ line comes in plus sizes!”
Hmm, that voice sounds so familiar. “Skinny Bitch,” is that you? Wow, how’ve you been? Yeah, you must be busy. Promoting animal rights at the expense of women’s self-esteem sounds like a pretty full-time gig — so many meat-eating women to call fat and stupid, so little time. By the way, did you ever read those studies that found women are more than twice as likely to become vegetarians than men? So maybe name-calling and bitchy superiority aren’t the best way to recruit.
Can I get this abstinence message in a medium?
Kmart sells "True Love Waits" sweatpants but denies trying to promote the cause.
Teenage girls, have you been stumped for ways to broadcast your wholesome chastity to the world? Kmart feels your pain, and now features a junior line of “True Love Waits” sweats with a subtle message of abstinence stamped clear across the ass. Because if abstinence-only sex ed isn’t working in schools, maybe a comfy pair of cropped pants could broadcast the message.
Continue Reading CloseAre women bad at friendship?
One article bemoans a glut of quarrels and BFF-advice books. But maybe catfights just sell.
The Los Angeles Times is deeply concerned about the nationwide trend of superficially amicable (but secretly toxic) friendships between women.
“Nowadays, the notion of link-armed Laverne and Shirley has been replaced by Paris glaring at Nicole. Or Heidi Montag refusing to be photographed within spitting distance of ex-BFF Lauren Conrad. Lindsay Lohan reportedly snapped at Ashley Olsen with the ferocity of a lioness last week in New York, when the starlet approached Lohan’s new BFF, Samantha Ronson. But perhaps it’s all for the better. Maybe these feuding and fiercely protective friends make more accurate role models than those musty, bygone tokens of sisterhood.”
Continue Reading CloseDoes that Vera Wang come in two-ply?
As lavish weddings get more over-the-top (doggy veils?), a few crafty brides make their special dress from toilet paper.
Full disclosure: I’ve written for several wedding magazines in the past, stringing together phrases like “luxe tulle skirt,” “spirited black and white photography” and “rose-festooned balconettes” for the anxious consumption of female readers who have been instructed by writers like me that the fortitude and happiness of their marriage hinge on lavish wedding ceremonies outfitted with 6-foot-high arbors made entirely of orchids. The flip side of this shiny coin, however, is that if they do buy in to this fantasy, they are mocked for being mindless Bridezillas, stupid enough to shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars for a glorified theme party. (In a recession, no less!) That’s the case in Jennifer 8. Lee’s New York Times blog post from the luxury bridal convention known as the Wedding Salon, where she brings us such admittedly crazy details as this: “Not content with ice sculptures anymore, weddings are ordering martini bars made entirely of ice. And lest you not forget the pet, Ms. Byron said she has been seeing doggy wedding veils and dresses for pets who are incorporated into the wedding.” But there’s good news: The bridal-industrial complex has its own kryptonite — toilet paper wedding gowns! For half the cost of a midweek grocery trip, 10 women undermined the concept that weddings are about spending tons of money and then getting mocked for it (clearly weddings are about the open bar). All the dresses were constructed out of no more than 16 rolls, which, incidentally, is the amount of T.P. needed to wipe away the load of crap that the wedding industry dumps on women each year.
Women’s studies, still alive and fist-shaking
Reports of the department's death may have been greatly exaggerated.
Recent reports have sounded the death knell for women’s studies programs, citing dwindling graduates when compared to the halcyon days of protests and consciousness-raising. “Is [feminism] irrelevant in today’s world,” The Independent wondered, “or has the quest for equality hit the mainstream?” Cultural critic Angela McRobbie even opined in the Guardian that feminism has evolved into a private passion rather than a viable academic pursuit.
Continue Reading CloseBest reason to cab it: The subway groper
Freddie Johnson was arrested 53 times for rubbing against women on mass transit.
How was everyone’s commute this morning? Did you get a seat on the subway? Smell any new and exciting body odors? Well, at least you didn’t get molested by The Subway Rat, who was arrested in New York City for the 53rd time after pelvis-grinding a female commuter last week.
Freddie Johnson has appeared in court so often for rubbing against women on the subway that his records brand him as a “recidivist transit grinder.” He recently escaped a lifelong prison sentence after a judge ruled in favor of releasing him back into society under heavy surveillance. Unfortunately, Johnson wasted little time before grinding against another commuter in front of plainclothes cops, forcing authorities to weigh the merits of placing him in an expensive civil confinement center for the remainder of his life.
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